An Update and a Dumb Question from DaisyFace

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, May 28, 2009.

  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Hello all--

    As you are aware, difficult child's scary behaviors got her admitted to psychiatric hospital last Thursday for evaluation and treatment....she is still there--so I feel like they are taking a lot of time with her and really trying to look into some of these behaviors.

    However, when I speak with difficult child on the phone....the things she is telling me don't make any sense at all. She says she was tested for eating disorders and now the testing is all finished and she is fine and she can come home as soon as we are ready to pick her up. Anger and rage is no longer a problem. She feels she has all of her issues under control. The SW already told her "good-bye" and "good luck". She has come so far in therapy that no follow-up care or counseling or medications is even needed. Everything is wonderful.

    Obviously, a lot of hopeful talk....

    When I call and speak with a nurse on the unit to try and get information--I get told "O she's doing great!"....which is not really the detail I am interested in hearing.

    So I am wondering--should I be pushing for a lot more information from the docs and therapists at this point? Or should I trust that they will contact me with any important information such as test results or medication changes?

    I obviously don't want to take difficult child's word for how things are going....but I do feel a little dumb calling and saying "I want to verify what my daughter said about........"

    How worried should I be?


  2. ML

    ML Guest

    I have no experience with this situation but my heart goes out to you. I am glad she is in a place where she is being evaluated and hopefully a plan of action will emerge soon that will make sense.

    having said that, I know I would want more detail than that. Hugs, ML
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I wouldnt even bring up that dtr said this or that. Instead I would ask to set up a time to meet with therapist and psychiatrist to go over the testing and any information that they have compiled. You need to have a discharge plan and get any services in place now before she is released.

    Was an eating disorder even a problem before?
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911

    OH brother is THIS ever familiar......but (dont' be shocked) VERY normal for kids in psychiatric hospital.

    Dudes evaluation of his own behaviors eventually were that he wasn't out of control, he got along VERY well while there and MUST be ready to come home NOW, and that the "other" kids had REAL problems that he didn't.

    TO understand it? They are in a VERY controlled environment. Dude did very well most days in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) but each time would come home and fall apart. He would certainly honeymoon for a period (anywhere from 2 hours to 2 months) but know there is NO WAY ON EARTH you can have your home be run like an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). No way you can maintain that rigid schedule, or level of control for very long. Our kids thrive in environments with strict schedules, and kids LIKE THEMSELVES....where someone else actually has WORSE behaviors than them. (so you can see where it would boost your kids morale -for once they are NOT the worst kid in the room)

    Then there's that - they are NOT the worst kid in the room and instead of dealing with their own behaviors they begin to compare. Thinking "Well I'm not THAT bad - I'm better than him/her, so I think I can handle it at home." Then you get that false sense of accomplishment. Just because you don't behave as badly as that girl - you're not cured. This was VERY hard to get through to Dude because until he was in a locked psychiatric hospital with kids who 1/2 criminally insane and 1/2 like he was - he never got to see anyone with worse behavior than his own. I remember the first time he told me about going by the two wards where the criminally insane kids were. Some had actually murdered family, some had molested family or other children, some were sitting in the corner banging their heads or screaming. Once Dude got to see what we called VERY emotionally disturbed - a lot of his outrageous behaviors stopped. And for that I'm glad. We felt with as many stays as he had due to his behaviors - he learned a lot more than he went in with. (So watch for new learned behaviors) like.......eating disorders. Kids sit and talk - and other kids take notes for future attention seeking skills list.

    I would never take her word for it. She's lied so much in the past - why start to belive anything she says now? I think Janet has the best idea - get an appointment ALONE with her therapist. I'm surprised they haven't asked you to come in and do family therapy with her to address the issues that got her placed in their care to begin with. HOWEVER - I know that it is lethal to your relationship with your daughter to discuss a release date.

    BIG BIG NO NO - never never - NOT WITH HER - ever. When she brings up I"m coming home soon topics - tell her vague answers like you're glad she's working towards coming home - but don't say when or how soon or anything - it SABOTAGES their treatment in a HUGE WAY.....HUGE. then redirect the call with "So have you drawn or painted anything?" and let it go. IF you say something about "I'll call and find out when you're getting out?" ALMOST immediately upon finding out when they are going home - they change - and start sassing staff, and getting attitude. This was a major issue with us and Dude and most any other parent I ever talked to upon release the staff should give them no more than 3 hours - YOU on the other hand can know a day or two or more (if lucky) ahead but not the kids.

    I would get ahold of her therapist there - and address all these issues of the eating disorder, and I'm being good with her. Make sure you have a CONCRETE understanding of the home rules, consequences and rewards and that is done WHILE she's still IN the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) so that when she does come home it's not a guessing game - you, husband and the household have PLAN A - and carry through with the plans on it.....and then have a plan B which is a crisis plan - with names, contact numbers, police numbers -and POST it on the wall so she sees - you are NOT fooling.

    This is not fool proof - but it helps in the long process to get her where she can be in the future. The less you waiver from THE RULES and carry out with your punitive rules - the better off you'll all be when she comes home.

    Think about what she did to get her there - and make rules and consequences (short term only) then think ahead because these kids are always trying to outsmart the rat in that maze of a brain of theirs - they will all make excellent lawyers while younger looking for the loophole.

    Hugs - I don't envy you your days ahead.......but instead send positive vibes and strength.

    (I rearead my post - I feel like a very old, worn out star) lol
  5. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I have no experience here, but just wanted to offer hugs and support. Hope it goes well.
  6. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Thanks everyone--

    This whole thing has been a bit like a visit to The Twilight Zone.

    Yes, difficult child is a liar and sees no problem with her behavior. But I get so confused when nursing staff tells me that she's doing GREAT! And everything's wonderful.

    Then SW feels that disrespect toward authority is the biggest that's what she recommends addressing with family therapy.

    psychiatrist seems to feel that difficult child is struggling with Depression...and everything stems from being depressed.

    difficult child is playing that her anger just got the best of her and she didn't realize that she was hurting anyone's feelings by saying mean things. She claims to have no recollection of threatening to kill anyone. SW believes this.

    Meanwhile, husband and I are concerned that this is far more that Depression and that the threats of violence should be taken VERY seriously....especially since difficult child gets so out-of-control during her angry rages.

    I have no indication which point of view is going to carry the most weight.

    I am hoping that psychological testing will reveal underlying issues.

    My worst fear is that the few tests they are doing will reveal nothing, and that they will send us home with a few parenting 'tips' and a "Have a nice day!".

    Thanks for all the support! and thank you for lsitening!