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An update, sigh
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 759485" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear Deni</p><p></p><p>When I began posting here on others' threads I started out as a fake too. My view about responding to others' threads is not that we know what to do, but that we learn what we need to learn, learn what we need to do, and find the strength to do it, by approximating this place in our writing to others in similar places. We are not born whole. We construct ourselves. Due to the difficulties each of us faces in our real-life relationships with our children, it's near impossible, in my experience to change on the high wire. The situations are too triggering. The reactions of our kids too volatile, too irresponsible, too loaded. </p><p></p><p>These threads are our training wheels. Here we learn what we need, by writing to others. Here we identify first, the steps we want to take, or need to take. I think posting on others' threads is indispensable, at least it was for me. I hope you post. Where we are right now, how we are is the place to write. This is how we move on.</p><p></p><p></p><p>In these times here in the United States I think we are most of us, in this place. My own son has been a Q Anon person. Up until this point, while he is reactive, he has been a non-violent person. I have been unable to reconcile the person he chooses to be now, with the child and young man he was. I hold on still to the belief that he is still that kind, gentle and loving person. Even though 99.9 percent of the time he is not that to me. He even holds conspiracy theories about Jewish people, which he has tried to tell me even though I am a Jew. </p><p></p><p>All of that said, I do not think that I need to go to the question of good/evil because I believe that within us there is always both and that everybody has the potential to find good someday if there is the choice to do so. And also, because I believe that it is my responsibility to hold him at bay when he hurts me or when his own hurt spills over onto me. </p><p></p><p>This is what you are doing too. I feel sad for your son's Dad, but his is a cautionary tale. I worry about my own death too (which I hope is a long way into the future.) I worry that I will have structured my assets in the correct way, to protect my son; I worry that I will be near him. I worry that if he is near me, will he be able to love me, to care for me. I worry about how I will feel about myself and my life if things remain as they are, as I lay dying. </p><p></p><p>I for one want to vow to stop doing all of this worrying and to seize life now. It is what it is. It's not your fault. It's not my fault. Let's not look in the rear-view mirror. Our sons and daughters are responsible for their lives and their life trajectories. We are responsible for our own. Let's seize the day and live well.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 759485, member: 18958"] Dear Deni When I began posting here on others' threads I started out as a fake too. My view about responding to others' threads is not that we know what to do, but that we learn what we need to learn, learn what we need to do, and find the strength to do it, by approximating this place in our writing to others in similar places. We are not born whole. We construct ourselves. Due to the difficulties each of us faces in our real-life relationships with our children, it's near impossible, in my experience to change on the high wire. The situations are too triggering. The reactions of our kids too volatile, too irresponsible, too loaded. These threads are our training wheels. Here we learn what we need, by writing to others. Here we identify first, the steps we want to take, or need to take. I think posting on others' threads is indispensable, at least it was for me. I hope you post. Where we are right now, how we are is the place to write. This is how we move on. In these times here in the United States I think we are most of us, in this place. My own son has been a Q Anon person. Up until this point, while he is reactive, he has been a non-violent person. I have been unable to reconcile the person he chooses to be now, with the child and young man he was. I hold on still to the belief that he is still that kind, gentle and loving person. Even though 99.9 percent of the time he is not that to me. He even holds conspiracy theories about Jewish people, which he has tried to tell me even though I am a Jew. All of that said, I do not think that I need to go to the question of good/evil because I believe that within us there is always both and that everybody has the potential to find good someday if there is the choice to do so. And also, because I believe that it is my responsibility to hold him at bay when he hurts me or when his own hurt spills over onto me. This is what you are doing too. I feel sad for your son's Dad, but his is a cautionary tale. I worry about my own death too (which I hope is a long way into the future.) I worry that I will have structured my assets in the correct way, to protect my son; I worry that I will be near him. I worry that if he is near me, will he be able to love me, to care for me. I worry about how I will feel about myself and my life if things remain as they are, as I lay dying. I for one want to vow to stop doing all of this worrying and to seize life now. It is what it is. It's not your fault. It's not my fault. Let's not look in the rear-view mirror. Our sons and daughters are responsible for their lives and their life trajectories. We are responsible for our own. Let's seize the day and live well. [/QUOTE]
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