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Substance Abuse
And ...he's GONE (again)
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 501723"><p>Thanks AG - honestly -- I am hurting. It is RAW. I spend an hour on the phone with my mom and it broke my heart to hear her cry. This boy was a child deeply loved by his parents and his grandparents. I have managed to go a few hours without tears but that's the best I can do. I am failing at detachment as I have checked his phone records and his credit score.</p><p></p><p>(Only to find out that he has since reopened the credit card account I paid off last week. So I just fired off a letter to the bank president, my congressman and the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau regarding the violation of the CARD act of 2009 which prohibits opening credit card accounts for college students under the age of 21 without adult cosigners. And no it didn't make me feel better. But it kept me busy. grrrr) </p><p></p><p>Phone records lead me to believe he may still be in the area which dismays me. He is no longer welcome here and I don't want him able to drive by (even tho he has no car LOL so walk by?) or see his brothers or g-d forbid, ring the doorbell. </p><p></p><p>The meeting with the counselor was sobering - no pun intended. We brought easy child 14 with us and he waited in the lobby. I was anxious about leaving him home alone since PC17 was at work. Crazy how things change. Once again, we received sage and honest advice from the therapist. I learned that difficult child gave H the finger as he left. <em>What a lovely boy.</em> Basically, difficult child is not welcome in our home. Even if he is seeking recovery. Which is a hard thing to swallow but I know it is logical. therapist used the word "hostage" to describe us when H and I related how I had removed the kitchen knives and we had locked the bedroom door on Sunday night. I am not sure if I thought difficult child could hurt us or himself, but it was an awful feeling to feel the need to remove the knives and to lock our door.</p><p></p><p>It has to be about preserving ourselves and what's left of our family. therapist recommended H and I wait a week or so and write down responses to give difficult child "<strong><em>when"</em></strong> difficult child calls "<em><strong>someday</strong></em>" So that we have them near and are prepared and do not deviate from the responses. He said difficult child is likely to call and get ticked off and hang up but that he will eventually call back. I like having a plan - it speaks to my comfort level. He said that inpatient treatment is limited in our area. A detox/intake might take him for 3 days or so - but they will bounce him to outpatient on day 3 IF he hasn't signed himself out before then. No sober houses etc here or in "college town" to recommend - but did recommend the Rescue Mission or Salvation Army. He emphasized that difficult child can't come back home (shouldn't be let in) until he is IN Recovery - so I will have to figure out what that means to us. 90 days sober? 120? A year? He said eventually difficult child will want to come home and that we can't give in until we know he is living a sober lifestyle. He thinks perhaps difficult child is taking aderall or oxy or some such by the dilated pupils we saw on Sunday night - but he was just guessing. He also fears it is a neuro response to the head injury fall 2010 or a combo of them all. We may never know. </p><p></p><p>I know there are residential treatment centers that are out of state as well as other treatment options. I am too behind in my work life to start researching them now but would appreciate any insight anyone would care to share about finding treatment centers and/or determining what "living a sober lifestyle" means to us. </p><p></p><p>I know we all post on here for our own sanity and to lean on each other. I want each and every one of you to know that IT IS BECAUSE OF YOU that difficult child has not (yet) stolen from us, harmed us, or been violent. I HAVE NO DOUBT THAT IS WHERE WE WERE HEADED. So, if it's any solace in your own journey - YOUR JOURNEY AND YOUR HEARTFELT SHARING AND ADVICE HAS PREVENTED BAD THINGS FROM HAPPENING <u><strong>HERE</strong></u>. <span style="color: #ffa07a"><strong><span style="font-size: 15px">THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU.</span></strong></span></p><p></p><p>I am humbled, touched and so deeply grateful to know you all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 501723"] Thanks AG - honestly -- I am hurting. It is RAW. I spend an hour on the phone with my mom and it broke my heart to hear her cry. This boy was a child deeply loved by his parents and his grandparents. I have managed to go a few hours without tears but that's the best I can do. I am failing at detachment as I have checked his phone records and his credit score. (Only to find out that he has since reopened the credit card account I paid off last week. So I just fired off a letter to the bank president, my congressman and the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau regarding the violation of the CARD act of 2009 which prohibits opening credit card accounts for college students under the age of 21 without adult cosigners. And no it didn't make me feel better. But it kept me busy. grrrr) Phone records lead me to believe he may still be in the area which dismays me. He is no longer welcome here and I don't want him able to drive by (even tho he has no car LOL so walk by?) or see his brothers or g-d forbid, ring the doorbell. The meeting with the counselor was sobering - no pun intended. We brought easy child 14 with us and he waited in the lobby. I was anxious about leaving him home alone since PC17 was at work. Crazy how things change. Once again, we received sage and honest advice from the therapist. I learned that difficult child gave H the finger as he left. [I]What a lovely boy.[/I] Basically, difficult child is not welcome in our home. Even if he is seeking recovery. Which is a hard thing to swallow but I know it is logical. therapist used the word "hostage" to describe us when H and I related how I had removed the kitchen knives and we had locked the bedroom door on Sunday night. I am not sure if I thought difficult child could hurt us or himself, but it was an awful feeling to feel the need to remove the knives and to lock our door. It has to be about preserving ourselves and what's left of our family. therapist recommended H and I wait a week or so and write down responses to give difficult child "[B][I]when"[/I][/B] difficult child calls "[I][B]someday[/B][/I]" So that we have them near and are prepared and do not deviate from the responses. He said difficult child is likely to call and get ticked off and hang up but that he will eventually call back. I like having a plan - it speaks to my comfort level. He said that inpatient treatment is limited in our area. A detox/intake might take him for 3 days or so - but they will bounce him to outpatient on day 3 IF he hasn't signed himself out before then. No sober houses etc here or in "college town" to recommend - but did recommend the Rescue Mission or Salvation Army. He emphasized that difficult child can't come back home (shouldn't be let in) until he is IN Recovery - so I will have to figure out what that means to us. 90 days sober? 120? A year? He said eventually difficult child will want to come home and that we can't give in until we know he is living a sober lifestyle. He thinks perhaps difficult child is taking aderall or oxy or some such by the dilated pupils we saw on Sunday night - but he was just guessing. He also fears it is a neuro response to the head injury fall 2010 or a combo of them all. We may never know. I know there are residential treatment centers that are out of state as well as other treatment options. I am too behind in my work life to start researching them now but would appreciate any insight anyone would care to share about finding treatment centers and/or determining what "living a sober lifestyle" means to us. I know we all post on here for our own sanity and to lean on each other. I want each and every one of you to know that IT IS BECAUSE OF YOU that difficult child has not (yet) stolen from us, harmed us, or been violent. I HAVE NO DOUBT THAT IS WHERE WE WERE HEADED. So, if it's any solace in your own journey - YOUR JOURNEY AND YOUR HEARTFELT SHARING AND ADVICE HAS PREVENTED BAD THINGS FROM HAPPENING [U][B]HERE[/B][/U]. [COLOR=#ffa07a][B][SIZE=4]THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU.[/SIZE][/B][/COLOR] I am humbled, touched and so deeply grateful to know you all. [/QUOTE]
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