And I thought dealing with difficult children was exhausting? ...a vent

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Mom2oddson, Apr 12, 2011.

  1. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    I'm in my 6th day of taking care of my Grandma while my parents are out of town. I've got husband taking care of her this morning so that I can be here at work. It's a nice break.

    There is no one big thing about Grandma that is hard. It's the constant drip, drip, drip of little things that are driving me nuts! She's so much like a little toddler in that she needs constant attention, she wants everything her way and everything 5 minutes ago.

    And she is Snarky to me! To husband, she's sweet and kind and it's all "please" and "thank you"... for me - SNARKY!!! (that is the kindest word I can find) I'm constantly getting snapped at. And she can give lessons to difficult children on how to Sigh when not getting her way. Just because I don't want to spend a couple of hours at a bar everyday, you'd think I was being cruel.

    It's not helping that I'm getting very sleep deprived. My house is next to a highway. It drowns out all noise. My Mom's house is in the woods and is so quiet it disturbs my sleep. Not to mention her dog and my 2 dogs snoring, playing musical dog beds all night or the multiple potty breaks that they want all night long. Or the barking because a deer, coyote, fox, rabbit, squirrel, et... walked by the house. And if I lock them out of the bedroom, they bark, howl, scratch up the walls/doors and just carry on all night. I don't think I've slept longer than 2 hours at any one time all week.

    I'm getting worn down with Grandma's greedy selfishness and Grandpa R's impatience. The first day my parents were gone, R decided that he needs a walker like Grandma's, just bigger, and he needed it NOW! Well, I don't have a clue about his medical paper work or the rules at the nursing home. So I told him that he had to wait until my Dad got home to take care of it. Well, he demanded that I bring Grandma's over until Dad gets home. No problem, Grandma refuses to use hers. Grandma threw a royal fit because it was hers!! And every single day THIS is an issue between both of them. Why doesn't R have is new walker yet??!!! Why is he using Grandma's??!! That is just one of the little things.....

    She's decided that she has to have a new purse and she won't stop demanding we go shopping. So tomorrow, I'm taking her purse shopping. Told her that is all she gets to shop for. If she wants to look at clothes, she has to clean out her closet. The closet she has is 9' wide and so packed that you can't push the clothes far enough apart to let a gnat fly through. She's having a fit! She says she needs all those clothes and New clothes too. She wears the same outfit over and over until you steal it out of her room to put it in the laundry. But it's not enough. But if I get her new clothes and she/I can't fit it in the closet, she'll have a fit. And she's having a daily fit because her clothes are getting wrinkled.

    I feel petty for letting her wear me down (and having to vent). I survived difficult children after all. I should be able to survive my Grandma. Uhg..... Wouldn't be so bad but, my parents have THREE more trips this year. Uhg!

    Thanks for letting me vent a little.
  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    O dear! That would be hard to manage!

    I think you need to fall back on your "difficult child Training" and just outsmart them, if you can...

    Good luck!
  3. Star*

    Star* call 911


    like that do you? lol. There has to be a special person that can take care of Grandma the next two vacations, start interviews now AND. Hire her. I would tell my parents that you simply can't do this. There has to be someone out there who wants $8.00 an hour or $10.00 for extra money a few times a week? I love Daisy's idea! I just can't do Snarky. Not from family. Not for long, and not without rebuttle. I'm afraid I would not be able to effectively communicate, but there again - there is that book I always recommend, and maybe there in lies your answer.

    How to talk to teens so they will listen and how to listen so they will talk. It's worth a read. It's worth it's weight in gold for anyone who gives it a chance.

    You know it only goes to figer -Ant gets himself straigggggg......HEY ------there's the answer. GET Ant to watch Granny. ROFLM difficult child off.

    I am.....evil you know. Work off some of that "loan" money. (insert evil distant laughter) What money? (invent some loan if you have to)

    Hugs -
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Now you know why your parents have so many vacations planned. lol They need the break.

    I can't tolerate snarky.........I do reply, usually just as snarky, don't care who it is.....could be the pope for all I care.

    If you're'll wait on that purse shopping. Cuz odds are grandma is going to look at clothes. Experience talking here. lol Grandpa will just have to be impatient and wait. And grandma needs to be told that you get more flies with honey than vinegar. Snarky, indeed!

    I'm guessing your parents have their boundaries with the grandparents firmly set. Grandparents, like any difficult child child, are testing you to see what they can get away far it's working. Not your fault, you're like the sub teacher blindly walking into a classroom of unruly kids.

    mother in law could be demanding toward the end, especially once in assisted living and the nursing home. But I had to be firm and often remind her I was one person.......and I went to school all day and had to study at night. I could not make the daily (and often she wanted multiple) trips to fetch this or come and see her. Most of the time it was once a week. If it was a just had to thing.......husband would go in my place.

    Hmm think you could get them to make a To Do list for when your parents get back of things they want/need that you're not going to have time for or not sure how to go about doing for them (like the walker deal, which should be fitted by an Occupational Therapist (OT)) That might occupy them and ease their frustrations a tad.

    (((hugs))) It's hard.........I know it's hard.
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry that you are so overtired. Chances are that being so overtired is making it harder for you to cope. I cannot cope when I am exhausted. If benedryl knocks you out, I suggest taking 2 of them tonight and let gma and gpa deal with the dogs.

    It may be that you have to put your foot down with gma and gpa. No shopping until your parents return. If they are snarky then they cannot have whatever - they will get what you want to give them. IF they complain, go and buy earplugs at walmart (usually in the aisle with contact lens stuff for some reason). Tell them if they won't be polite and reasonable, then you are going to put earplugs in and ignore them. I have done that with my kids. Takes actually doing it, and serving what YOU want to eat that they may not want and tellign them if they don't eat it then they will be hungry because you will NOT listen to their rudeness and demands or give them what they want if they don't act like civilized people to you.

    My aunt used to gripe endlessly about my gma, her stepmom. No matter what she worked hard to make sure gma didn't spend an unneccessary penny. My gpa would have spanked her for it, at least verbally, if he were still alive. When my mom or I were around we realized that she interpreted every comment gma made to be a demand. A comment like "do you remember the relish we had at that Amish restaurant? That was really good. it would be nice if we had a jar of that here." to be a demand to go drive out and get that relish right now. In reality what my gma meant was that it was a nice meal, she had a good time and enjoyed the relish and it woudl be nice if there was some of it at the house. She was often stymied at why my aunt wanted to go and get so many things that were nice but they didn't need.

    IF you can work to find the perspective that they are just making comments (even if they are being demanding), it sometimes can make it easy on you. Otherwise, set boundaries and tell them they cannot treat you that way, that you will be happy to be there but will not tolerate snarkiness or bad manners.

    Make sure that either another relative or someone hired will take care of your gparents for the next trips. You cannot keep doing this - you have a job and a life of your own to take care of.