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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 551481" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Els!!!!!! </p><p></p><p>Howdaaaaay!. You know, when you write from your heart - and let it pour you really are a great writer. I enjoyed reading your update; however roller coaster, off and throw=up your life may be at this point? I see remarkable strides in your detachment. BRAVO m'lady. Bravo! </p><p></p><p>I'm not sure which gets my knickers in a wad faster. Their sense of entitlement (YOU SHOULD SEND ME TO COLLEGE BECAUSE) or their absolute lack of responsibility (OH yeah I have not ever completed a single thing in my life, so Oh WELL just keep forking it out for me until I find something that sticks like flapjacks on a painted wall) ......Lord, I'm so not a flapjack flipper any more. (grunts and exhales - I think my own eyes would roll without my knowledge if I funded one more excursion for the USS IHOP (that's my boy and thats International House of Partial) as in partially completed things in life we TRIED to stand behind him and encourage him HOPING, PRAYING, LIVING that something would eventually be "THE THING" he would take to and do. So far I think I should be the Mother of an extremely accomplished Astronaut, Veterinarian, BMX pro circuit racer, novelist, oh and who could forget his career as a small appliance fixer, and a RAP star.....(gacks a little) ----an Auto Mechanic, a Bicycle repair person....(all worthy goals to be sure) but really - "Mom I get bored, or Mom you don't understand they don't like me, or MOM I'm not doing this - it's stupid! Over and over - the excuses build and now my ears listen only to the soothing sounds of my sanity trying to sneak away when I get the suggestion to "HELP ME - NO ONE ELSE WILL, YOU'RE ALL I HAVE." ----and I think (OH JOY LUCKY ME) Can't we spin a bottle or draw short straw for someone else to fund your FUN? </p><p></p><p>And its' not like I had high aspirations - WELL I take that back....Birth to three---sure. Then as they develop personalities or rather MOODS....I realized that MY goals and HIS were polar opposites. I wanted him to be well behaved, he wanted to act like a babbons hiney. I wanted him to get an education and graduate. HE wanted to act like a babboons hiney. I lowered my expectations once more - and just prayed for A child that stayed out of the penile system, and he went running screaming towards it and nearly ended up on an Episode of COPS. (and trust me that's NOT what I had in mind when I looked at him from day one and thought - MAYBE a movie star he was so handsome) ......He got the "acting" part of the career down - but never put it to good making himself a nest egg. </p><p></p><p>And now? At the end of what I call FLY LITTLE BIRD FLY....I am left looking like a molting 48 year old Parrot....LONGING for my days of flying CAREFREE and wild...not waiting for this bird child of mine to make up his goofy, I'm not sure what I want to be mind. (plucks out another feather - oh really she's pregnant?) </p><p></p><p>All I can say is in the middle of all this somewhere like you, I got a chance to see things clearly-----I'm not sure if it was the drugs I'm on (thank you welbutrin) or the therapy I had, or the detachment lessons from having my nose cut off to spite my face at my own hands....but somewhow I managed to step out of the guilty MOm shadow and actually live a little of my life before it's over. And when I did that? So many things became a reality to my son. A.) Mom isn't funding my "dream" so what dream I do pick I better find funding of my own...and B.) Mom's just flat tired. And now she's grumpy, and has a voice, and has no qualms about walking away without explaination. I swear I want someone to start PAYING me .....LITERALLY handing me a dollar bill - everytime I have to explain ANYTHING now. Because it takes so much of my energy. I'm just THAT tired of BS. </p><p></p><p>All in all - it's rounded out my personality to be a really good operator dealing with the most UNBELIEVABLE misfits -----but like I told them in my interview - YOU can't throw anything at me and get MY jaw to drop. been there done that - and didn't get paid for it. But I am now. lol. </p><p></p><p>YOU KEEP HANGING TOUGH --------and maybe you should check into what it takes to get full custody (I think again) of KK. Maybe as a just in case. </p><p></p><p>Hugs & Love </p><p>Missed having you and the Weimeriner around. </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 551481, member: 4964"] Els!!!!!! Howdaaaaay!. You know, when you write from your heart - and let it pour you really are a great writer. I enjoyed reading your update; however roller coaster, off and throw=up your life may be at this point? I see remarkable strides in your detachment. BRAVO m'lady. Bravo! I'm not sure which gets my knickers in a wad faster. Their sense of entitlement (YOU SHOULD SEND ME TO COLLEGE BECAUSE) or their absolute lack of responsibility (OH yeah I have not ever completed a single thing in my life, so Oh WELL just keep forking it out for me until I find something that sticks like flapjacks on a painted wall) ......Lord, I'm so not a flapjack flipper any more. (grunts and exhales - I think my own eyes would roll without my knowledge if I funded one more excursion for the USS IHOP (that's my boy and thats International House of Partial) as in partially completed things in life we TRIED to stand behind him and encourage him HOPING, PRAYING, LIVING that something would eventually be "THE THING" he would take to and do. So far I think I should be the Mother of an extremely accomplished Astronaut, Veterinarian, BMX pro circuit racer, novelist, oh and who could forget his career as a small appliance fixer, and a RAP star.....(gacks a little) ----an Auto Mechanic, a Bicycle repair person....(all worthy goals to be sure) but really - "Mom I get bored, or Mom you don't understand they don't like me, or MOM I'm not doing this - it's stupid! Over and over - the excuses build and now my ears listen only to the soothing sounds of my sanity trying to sneak away when I get the suggestion to "HELP ME - NO ONE ELSE WILL, YOU'RE ALL I HAVE." ----and I think (OH JOY LUCKY ME) Can't we spin a bottle or draw short straw for someone else to fund your FUN? And its' not like I had high aspirations - WELL I take that back....Birth to three---sure. Then as they develop personalities or rather MOODS....I realized that MY goals and HIS were polar opposites. I wanted him to be well behaved, he wanted to act like a babbons hiney. I wanted him to get an education and graduate. HE wanted to act like a babboons hiney. I lowered my expectations once more - and just prayed for A child that stayed out of the penile system, and he went running screaming towards it and nearly ended up on an Episode of COPS. (and trust me that's NOT what I had in mind when I looked at him from day one and thought - MAYBE a movie star he was so handsome) ......He got the "acting" part of the career down - but never put it to good making himself a nest egg. And now? At the end of what I call FLY LITTLE BIRD FLY....I am left looking like a molting 48 year old Parrot....LONGING for my days of flying CAREFREE and wild...not waiting for this bird child of mine to make up his goofy, I'm not sure what I want to be mind. (plucks out another feather - oh really she's pregnant?) All I can say is in the middle of all this somewhere like you, I got a chance to see things clearly-----I'm not sure if it was the drugs I'm on (thank you welbutrin) or the therapy I had, or the detachment lessons from having my nose cut off to spite my face at my own hands....but somewhow I managed to step out of the guilty MOm shadow and actually live a little of my life before it's over. And when I did that? So many things became a reality to my son. A.) Mom isn't funding my "dream" so what dream I do pick I better find funding of my own...and B.) Mom's just flat tired. And now she's grumpy, and has a voice, and has no qualms about walking away without explaination. I swear I want someone to start PAYING me .....LITERALLY handing me a dollar bill - everytime I have to explain ANYTHING now. Because it takes so much of my energy. I'm just THAT tired of BS. All in all - it's rounded out my personality to be a really good operator dealing with the most UNBELIEVABLE misfits -----but like I told them in my interview - YOU can't throw anything at me and get MY jaw to drop. been there done that - and didn't get paid for it. But I am now. lol. YOU KEEP HANGING TOUGH --------and maybe you should check into what it takes to get full custody (I think again) of KK. Maybe as a just in case. Hugs & Love Missed having you and the Weimeriner around. Star [/QUOTE]
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