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Parent Emeritus
And I'm officially done being a parent.
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<blockquote data-quote="TheWalrus" data-source="post: 676535" data-attributes="member: 19905"><p>Anger is easier. I wish I could stay angry all the time. Or feel nothing at all. It is so much easier than guilt, sadness, depression, regret...emotions that strike hard without rhyme or reason.</p><p></p><p>And my daughter has given me so many reasons to be angry. She has lied to my face more times than I can count. Lied ABOUT me to manipulate others, garner sympathy, hurt me... She has manipulated me and tricked me, abused my attempts to help her by doing drugs while in my house (ah...how that hurts...to know I was that blind and stupid). She has screamed in my faced, hurled baseless accusations, purposely embarrassed me publicly, cursed me...the never-ending list of "gifts" of the Difficult Child. </p><p></p><p>Then out of nowhere, just when I think anger has burned me to ash...my humanity and mother instincts crash over me like a wave and I am drowning. Two nights ago, for no reason, I crawled into bed, turned off the light and sobbed uncontrollably into my pillows. All I could think of was where I was sleeping vs. where she was. And it literally tore me to pieces. </p><p></p><p>The next day brought contact - I hadn't heard from her in days - needing something. That is the only time she initiates contact is to ask/demand something or try to obligate me in some way. She was fine. Her situation bothers her not at all - until I don't give in. She is only "bothered" by her choices when her plans don't go her way.</p><p></p><p>I didn't hang up angry, but with skin a little thicker, a little tougher. I slept just fine last night.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TheWalrus, post: 676535, member: 19905"] Anger is easier. I wish I could stay angry all the time. Or feel nothing at all. It is so much easier than guilt, sadness, depression, regret...emotions that strike hard without rhyme or reason. And my daughter has given me so many reasons to be angry. She has lied to my face more times than I can count. Lied ABOUT me to manipulate others, garner sympathy, hurt me... She has manipulated me and tricked me, abused my attempts to help her by doing drugs while in my house (ah...how that hurts...to know I was that blind and stupid). She has screamed in my faced, hurled baseless accusations, purposely embarrassed me publicly, cursed me...the never-ending list of "gifts" of the Difficult Child. Then out of nowhere, just when I think anger has burned me to ash...my humanity and mother instincts crash over me like a wave and I am drowning. Two nights ago, for no reason, I crawled into bed, turned off the light and sobbed uncontrollably into my pillows. All I could think of was where I was sleeping vs. where she was. And it literally tore me to pieces. The next day brought contact - I hadn't heard from her in days - needing something. That is the only time she initiates contact is to ask/demand something or try to obligate me in some way. She was fine. Her situation bothers her not at all - until I don't give in. She is only "bothered" by her choices when her plans don't go her way. I didn't hang up angry, but with skin a little thicker, a little tougher. I slept just fine last night. Hang in there... [/QUOTE]
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