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...and it all falls apart
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<blockquote data-quote="tishthedish" data-source="post: 631104" data-attributes="member: 17103"><p>Hi Lil. I've been reading along for the past couple of weeks. I haven't posted on myself lately because I don't have what's happening in my life straight in my own mind enough to post. But something you said so resonated with me. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I had a job I loved several years ago. The people were sometimes difficult, but the job itself was a dream job. It was 3 miles from my house, it offered benefits, pension and I pretty much had carte blanche over my job duties. I never worked so hard, but it was rewarding. One morning I had several phone calls in rapid succession from my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) difficult child 2 much like you are describing. He was falling apart at college (we later found out due to drugs). On that same day it turned into a difficult time at work due to a key employee walking out unexpectedly in the middle of a huge project. I was the only one with a similar skill set so the huge project fell in my lap where difficult child 1 and difficult child 2 resided. As it turns out the pressures of both job and supermom were too much and after I finished the project I ended up giving notice and quitting the job. If my personal life wasn't aflame, I would have been able to handle the situation at work without breaking a sweat, but instead I fell apart. I still get a tug in my gut when I drive by my former employer. I know how good I had it in spite of the demands. My son went on to many more years of mayhem and it hasn't stopped yet. That was six years ago. </p><p></p><p>Try not to fall prey to the back and forth of your sons moods and actions. I understand only too well that when they are kids, as moms, we feel it is part of our job to be more involved but once their obligation to obey/listen to us is outgrown and the law says we have no rights over their actions we need to stop. It's not easy, but it's not impossible. </p><p></p><p>Using the analogy of a county fair, think of it as getting off the roller coaster and instead getting on the bumper cars. After that, step down to the ferris wheel. Continue on to the merry-go-round. Exit through the petting zoo. Right now I go between the ferris wheel and merry-go-round. I hope never again to visit the roller coaster, but I know that in order to avoid it I have to not stand in line to buy a ticket and keep moving away from it's flashing lights and loud music. Sometimes, when I look back I can see that it LOOKS like it's slowing down, and the music is softer but I know that once I climb on back on the brakes come off, the volume shoots up and I am locked in place. Here I go again. ARGHHHHHHH! Let me off!</p><p></p><p>One more thing we have in common. Why is it that we feel so strongly about keeping our word to our difficult child's? I have been lied to repeatedly. BUT, I still keep my word to him because I am honorable as if it will finally rub off on him. The rules apply to me but not him. Not fair. If things get too bad we shouldn't feel honor bound to live up to our word. It's so hard to stand by our word when we are hanging on for dear life on the roller coaster. I'm going to be giving this some serious thought to this because I "kept my word" about covering the copay on my difficult child 2's medications until he was off our insurance at 26. His b-day is in the fall. Yet...the money I'm saving him, what is he spending it on? Probably oil for the roller coaster wheels.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="tishthedish, post: 631104, member: 17103"] Hi Lil. I've been reading along for the past couple of weeks. I haven't posted on myself lately because I don't have what's happening in my life straight in my own mind enough to post. But something you said so resonated with me. I had a job I loved several years ago. The people were sometimes difficult, but the job itself was a dream job. It was 3 miles from my house, it offered benefits, pension and I pretty much had carte blanche over my job duties. I never worked so hard, but it was rewarding. One morning I had several phone calls in rapid succession from my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) difficult child 2 much like you are describing. He was falling apart at college (we later found out due to drugs). On that same day it turned into a difficult time at work due to a key employee walking out unexpectedly in the middle of a huge project. I was the only one with a similar skill set so the huge project fell in my lap where difficult child 1 and difficult child 2 resided. As it turns out the pressures of both job and supermom were too much and after I finished the project I ended up giving notice and quitting the job. If my personal life wasn't aflame, I would have been able to handle the situation at work without breaking a sweat, but instead I fell apart. I still get a tug in my gut when I drive by my former employer. I know how good I had it in spite of the demands. My son went on to many more years of mayhem and it hasn't stopped yet. That was six years ago. Try not to fall prey to the back and forth of your sons moods and actions. I understand only too well that when they are kids, as moms, we feel it is part of our job to be more involved but once their obligation to obey/listen to us is outgrown and the law says we have no rights over their actions we need to stop. It's not easy, but it's not impossible. Using the analogy of a county fair, think of it as getting off the roller coaster and instead getting on the bumper cars. After that, step down to the ferris wheel. Continue on to the merry-go-round. Exit through the petting zoo. Right now I go between the ferris wheel and merry-go-round. I hope never again to visit the roller coaster, but I know that in order to avoid it I have to not stand in line to buy a ticket and keep moving away from it's flashing lights and loud music. Sometimes, when I look back I can see that it LOOKS like it's slowing down, and the music is softer but I know that once I climb on back on the brakes come off, the volume shoots up and I am locked in place. Here I go again. ARGHHHHHHH! Let me off! One more thing we have in common. Why is it that we feel so strongly about keeping our word to our difficult child's? I have been lied to repeatedly. BUT, I still keep my word to him because I am honorable as if it will finally rub off on him. The rules apply to me but not him. Not fair. If things get too bad we shouldn't feel honor bound to live up to our word. It's so hard to stand by our word when we are hanging on for dear life on the roller coaster. I'm going to be giving this some serious thought to this because I "kept my word" about covering the copay on my difficult child 2's medications until he was off our insurance at 26. His b-day is in the fall. Yet...the money I'm saving him, what is he spending it on? Probably oil for the roller coaster wheels. [/QUOTE]
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