and it starts

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by crazymama30, Sep 3, 2008.

  1. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    This is the 2nd day of school. I asked difficult child how his day, and he said he got in trouble. Apparently difficult child told another boy ( a first grader) that he was going to beat him at tetherball. Now while that is rude, kids say that kind of stuff all the time. The other boy got mad and choked difficult child so difficult child pushed him away. The recess duty saw that and put difficult child on the wall and let the other boy play. She told him not to touch the other boy. Maybe the other boy should not touch him either. difficult child is upset, as he was just trying to get the other boy off him.

    Now, difficult child has lied to me about things before. Sometimes on purpose and sometimes because his version of things are skewed.

    I told difficult child to go talk to the vice principal. He said she does not care, that Mr. Principal is the only one who care. I told him to go talk to him tommorrow. I am trying to get difficult child to solve his own problems, he will start middle school next year and I am so worried aobout that.

    You know usually we can get through the first week!!!:faint:
  2. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I'm so sorry he had a rough day!

    difficult child 2 is usually the one to get in trouble for reacting to trouble started by another kid, unfortunately. He has always had trouble staying neutral. I used to call it "getting svcked into the whirlpool". Some kids know how to start trouble and difficult child 2 never knew enough to distance himself from a situation so that he wouldn't get pulled in. He was usually the one who ended up "drowning" and not the kid who started it.

    That's where social skills and role playing have started to help some. The other big piece for him seems to be appropriate medications to address impulse control and emotional reactivity.

    Hopefully the rest of the week will be better. And hopefully he will have the courage to approach the principal to talk about his concerns. It's great that he feels someone at a high level will listen to him there. Not many kids feel that way at every school.
  3. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    My difficult child also struggles with life not being fair when the other person does not get into trouble. Adults don't always take the time to gather all the facts and usually catch the second person retaliating - never catch the first person causing the problem. Then of course, adults want to teach older kids to not be mean to younger kids no matter what. So, you get the, "I don't care what is going on, you must not do that!" That is so unfair to the kid getting into trouble. That is why bullys are so powerful - they know how to be the 1st person and duck down to the victim status when an adult looks that way. Kids are more open to hearing that they responded incorrectly when we acknowledge their point of view (even if we have to explain that the view point was not quiet right).

    Anyway, I hope difficult child follows through with talking to the principal. You are correct, he is at the age to start looking for ways to solve his own problems with your guidance of course. If he can learn to go to an authority figure now to discuss something, it will help throughout his life.

    Good luck - hang in there difficult child, use your words and talk to adults - you will do well. - I think it is awesome that you are willing to follow your mom's advice and talk to the principal. Maybe mom can help you write down an outline of things you would like to discuss. She can help you find the right words?
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I don't blame him for being upset that the other child did not also get in trouble. This really needs to be further investigated.
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sounds to me like you need to check in with administration and see what their take on this is. Our district has a "zero tolerance" policy, so anyone and everyone involved in physical altercations gets consequences. If I had a first grader on my neck, I doubt I would be too gentle about removing him.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry he had such a rough time. I would not react well to having someone choking me. Certainly I would not be worried about being gentle with the other person, I don't think anyone would. I hate that other kids will pick on our kids and then act like the victim. And it bites that adults often buy into it. I hope your difficult child can go to the principal to address this. What a horrible thing to have to cope with on the first day of school - there is enough stressful stuff happening with-o this!

    Hugs to you and difficult child. I hope some role-playing will help him learn to handle these issues.