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And Its Day 17 of difficult child Living With Us Again....
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 609347" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I remember your story AppleCori, welcome back. I am sorry this saga continues though. </p><p></p><p>Have you ever contacted NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness? You can access them online, they have chapters all over. They offer excellent courses for parents and in some cases, offer resources for the kids too. Here in No. Ca. the chapter helps with getting them on SSI, getting jobs, therapy, schooling, etc. More importantly for us, the parents, they offer MAJOR support and tools to deal with a child who has mental illness. Your husband sounds as if he falls into the trap many of us do, enabling his son, anger, then guilt, then enabling again. That inconsistency goes nowhere and is damaging to your husband and does not help his son.</p><p></p><p>Getting support for both you and your husband to get the tools necessary to detach from your step son in my opinion is most important to be able to stay the course in an effective way. You may have already read it, but there is an excellent article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. Your husband may get something out of it as well. Presenting a united front is important with our difficult child's. </p><p></p><p>If you have set a deadline then there must be consequences. Mamakathy's idea is a good one. Do you have household jobs he can do? I recall one mom here who had her adult child working all day around the house doing jobs, exactly like a real job. He has to have some responsibilities until he finds a job. He could work a set amount of hours around the house each day for a certain amount of time while looking for a job, and when that time runs out, the next consequence shows up.</p><p></p><p>One option some parents here have taken is to find one of those inexpensive hotels where you can stay long term. If you are willing to pay for that for a set time, that may be an option and remove him from your home. Some YMCA's have options too. Have you looked into local shelters where he might be able to stay long term?</p><p></p><p>A pretty good guess is that your step son is not out looking for work but simply wasting the day hanging out until he can come home. Our kids are master manipulators when it comes to getting what they want however they have to do that.</p><p></p><p>While you figure out what the next step is, I believe it's prudent to get as much support as you can to learn how to negotiate this landscape. It is quite challenging and difficult to say the least. What has been going on thus far has not worked so the game plan has to change. </p><p></p><p>I hope you find a plan that works well for you and that you get support. Sending you wishes for peace.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 609347, member: 13542"] I remember your story AppleCori, welcome back. I am sorry this saga continues though. Have you ever contacted NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness? You can access them online, they have chapters all over. They offer excellent courses for parents and in some cases, offer resources for the kids too. Here in No. Ca. the chapter helps with getting them on SSI, getting jobs, therapy, schooling, etc. More importantly for us, the parents, they offer MAJOR support and tools to deal with a child who has mental illness. Your husband sounds as if he falls into the trap many of us do, enabling his son, anger, then guilt, then enabling again. That inconsistency goes nowhere and is damaging to your husband and does not help his son. Getting support for both you and your husband to get the tools necessary to detach from your step son in my opinion is most important to be able to stay the course in an effective way. You may have already read it, but there is an excellent article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. Your husband may get something out of it as well. Presenting a united front is important with our difficult child's. If you have set a deadline then there must be consequences. Mamakathy's idea is a good one. Do you have household jobs he can do? I recall one mom here who had her adult child working all day around the house doing jobs, exactly like a real job. He has to have some responsibilities until he finds a job. He could work a set amount of hours around the house each day for a certain amount of time while looking for a job, and when that time runs out, the next consequence shows up. One option some parents here have taken is to find one of those inexpensive hotels where you can stay long term. If you are willing to pay for that for a set time, that may be an option and remove him from your home. Some YMCA's have options too. Have you looked into local shelters where he might be able to stay long term? A pretty good guess is that your step son is not out looking for work but simply wasting the day hanging out until he can come home. Our kids are master manipulators when it comes to getting what they want however they have to do that. While you figure out what the next step is, I believe it's prudent to get as much support as you can to learn how to negotiate this landscape. It is quite challenging and difficult to say the least. What has been going on thus far has not worked so the game plan has to change. I hope you find a plan that works well for you and that you get support. Sending you wishes for peace. [/QUOTE]
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