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And Its Day 17 of difficult child Living With Us Again....
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 609357" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Am I right to think illegal activity is in the picture, such as drug use, and it went on in your house? I don't recall, but is that why he maybe let go of his job and also has no motivation?</p><p></p><p>in my opinion it is best not to let these adult kids come home unless/until you have SEEN that they have changed. In other words, he can get a job and hold it for a while. Then if he wants to come live with you, under your rules and being respectful, sure...why not? But until then there is little motivation for him to work if he lives in your house, has good food, a soft bed, internet, a car, etc. </p><p></p><p>My rule has always been, at sixteen you get a part-time job. At eighteen you go to college or work full time and if you go to college you work part-time. In our house this is necessary because we have limited income, but I'm glad it turned out that way for my kids. My grown kids, including a son who has a form of autism, all have good work ethics and are all employed and out on their own or anxious to be out willingly. Even my biggest problem child has a good job. I think it is really important to stress the necessity of working and not depending on us to support them. </p><p></p><p>In the meantime, be good to yourself. Take time to relax and enjoy the rest of your family, your friends, your hobbies, your activities, your groups, church if you go, etc. Your life is worth a lot and you need to nurture yourself in spite of how your grown child is screwing up his own life. You can not help him anymore because legally he can do whatever he likes. It's on him now...the choices he makes. His bad decisions should not affect your happiness.</p><p></p><p>On this forum, we call this...detachment <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 609357, member: 1550"] Am I right to think illegal activity is in the picture, such as drug use, and it went on in your house? I don't recall, but is that why he maybe let go of his job and also has no motivation? in my opinion it is best not to let these adult kids come home unless/until you have SEEN that they have changed. In other words, he can get a job and hold it for a while. Then if he wants to come live with you, under your rules and being respectful, sure...why not? But until then there is little motivation for him to work if he lives in your house, has good food, a soft bed, internet, a car, etc. My rule has always been, at sixteen you get a part-time job. At eighteen you go to college or work full time and if you go to college you work part-time. In our house this is necessary because we have limited income, but I'm glad it turned out that way for my kids. My grown kids, including a son who has a form of autism, all have good work ethics and are all employed and out on their own or anxious to be out willingly. Even my biggest problem child has a good job. I think it is really important to stress the necessity of working and not depending on us to support them. In the meantime, be good to yourself. Take time to relax and enjoy the rest of your family, your friends, your hobbies, your activities, your groups, church if you go, etc. Your life is worth a lot and you need to nurture yourself in spite of how your grown child is screwing up his own life. You can not help him anymore because legally he can do whatever he likes. It's on him now...the choices he makes. His bad decisions should not affect your happiness. On this forum, we call this...detachment :) [/QUOTE]
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