And now I've hung up on PO

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Nov 15, 2011.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    First, difficult child was found guilty of the sex charge so his new release date is early Feb.

    Second, when I returned POs call informing me of this and telling me to call him, he said the plan remained the same and it had been concrete that difficult child was going to this group home...OH, really- that is NOT what he told me last week. And I know that's BS because the re-entry lady hadn't even interviewed difficult child for the group home- she said so herself. Only the super acted like it was a given. He went back and forth. I reminded him that he'd told me he would be calling me on Mon. am to tell me if caseworker from re-entry could double as mentor and spend more time with difficult child on weekends than thru the week if I allowed difficult child to come straight home- and he never called- but, if group home had been cast in stone, why bother looking into this and telling me this? He had been giving two different srtories. Then I get a sales pitch on CSU/PO looking out for community's best interest and giving difficult child the best chance for success. Well, what do you plan to do about the fact that difficult child needs to be on some sort of 24/7 monitoring but won't be in the group home? If difficult child came straight home, he would be on ankle bracelet, if he goes to group home, he will not, correct? Coprrect. Why? THEY don't feel he needs it. Then WHY would he need it if he lived with me? He said gffg is in their custody and they make the decisions. I said I hope it works out and hung up on him after mumbling something about how they've had control of my difficult child for 5 years and ignored parental input and so far it hasn't worked and I'm tired of sitting by watching them ruin my son.

    Oh- and if I pursue dss, they will have to address this with courts and "still keep a parole plan in place that keeps the community safe". Geez...when did my son do anything to someone in the community? The last time I check, it was me that the offenses were committed against and my son showing back up with burn marks all over his body.

    I would say that it's attny time but I have yet to see any attny- even GALs or defense attnys go against what a PO says- never mind the parole plan isn't based on what the specific issues are- how can they be when no one has picked up a flippin file and read it.
  2. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Sounds like PO is talking out of both sides of his mouth trying to CYA. He doesn't want to be the bad guy to any one. But when push comes to shove he'll take the path of least resistance and look bad to mom instead of doing what is right for the child.

    If difficult child's offenses weren't so serious I'd say just get difficult child back home as fast as possible and out of their system. But with his history you really can't have him back home.

    I am so sorry.
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im sick. Im tired. I know you are. Exactly how far is your job from the NC border? Seriously. I know its not that far. Close enough to drive daily? Consider moving and have the parole changed. I know it wont be all roses but it cant be worse.
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I have no doubt that PO wants to always look like the good guy- to whomever he's speaking with. Geeting difficult child home wouldn't be getting him out of their system though, that only leaves me playing role of babysitter and check-writer with them in control of both of our lives. My son will age out of their system, do doubt that is his only way out. And all those 'servcies' difficult child couldn't get before because he wouldn't be 17 at release, but now with this change in date he will be 17- oh, there really aren't that many and they don't think that's best for him. I wouoldn't beleive anything these people say anymore. For any parent who's had to deal with people from a sd lying in an IEP or FBA meeting or manipulating things just to get a parent to agree (Oh, we don't have this accommodation available", whatever- do you have any idea how bad this gets when you/your child doesn't even have the protections of law to fall back on? The PO can say anything to a parent and when/if it comes down to one person'ss word over another- well....
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    The utter powerlessness of dealing with the system is hard for outsiders to understand. All I can say is that I'm truly sorry. Hugs DDD
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    DJ, I think I'm just done. I can't imagine going along with more PO koi- monthly check-ins with me and 90 day face to face meetings with me while my son is in Department of Juvenile Justice- for what reason when I didn't break the law? And if I don't do it, there's a required court date for me not 'supporting the system'- don't expect me to be there. I mean, if 'they have custody of my son even while he's on parole' then why do you need me? POs have no business making MH decisions for a kid and who on earth can explain why he needs an ankle bracelet when he lives with me but not one if he's in a group home that has no staff awake 24/7 or has admitted they can't stop him from sneaking out at night or leaving school.? And this 'keeps the public safer" how? I'm sick of the buzz words when it's not even logical. How on earth could I 'buy into this'? I guess legally I will be abandoning my son. No reunification will ever take place on their terms and they can't let him off parole until they have him some place or on his own and he's shown that he will abide by the law in that setting. For whatever reason, half of the requirements it takes to show 'success' are removed if a kid goes any place else to live besides home. And then if the kid re-offends, they say it's because the family abandoned him.
  7. Chaosuncontained

    Chaosuncontained New Member

    This is And wrong. I have no advice. I wish I did. I can't even imagine being in this circumstance. My heart goes out to you.
  8. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    I wish I had answers, but the court's pulling this stuff on us, too.
  9. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    thank you. Honestly, I can't see this group home working at all. First, the lady looked petrified when I told her difficult child's committing offenses. I wouldn't be at all surprised if she finds a way of getting out of 'her offer' to PO to let difficult child come there. Secondly, it's pretty doubtful that difficult child is going to live in that dump, by their rules, and not sneak out, be truant from school, or flip out on them, or run away. I can't see it lasting long. So then, difficult child gets deeper in their system again.

    DJ- those group homes and services you posted on my earlier thread are available here, too- or similar things are. BUT it's thru dss. The only way a kid gets that here is if he/she was entered into the dss or public MH dept first- prior to being on probation or parole. Once a kid is on probation or parole, the services and options are limited to what their funding pays for- and it only pays for behavior mod, no matter the provider, it will still be behavior mod and nothing else.
  10. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    And can you believe the PO and these people have the audacity to think a parent will go pick up the kid and take them where he's ordered to go (group home) after saying all this koi? I mean hey- if you are responsible for a kid and have custody and make all the decisions, then you go pick him up. I am so sick and tired of them treating the parent like a pawn and someone to use at their convenience.

    Wait until they figure out that difficult child is telling the truth- he does want a high school diploma instead of a GED. Where are they going to 'put him' for over a year so he can complete that? They'll give him rope until he gets back in Department of Juvenile Justice or they'll talk him out of the diploma. This re-entry lady is in over her head.
  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    That group home I posted was the Department of Juvenile Justice That is the difference. the mental health ones are different. I think I am definitely gonna have Jamie move before those kids of his are old enough to get into trouble.
  12. buddy

    buddy New Member

    That's exactly what was going through my mind. One thing to deal with a SD, at least you can fight.... this puts things so out of your hands. I am just so very sorry for their behavior.
  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    The whole system jsut makes me sick. People wonder why so many are in the prison system, but the juvenile system conditions them so they can't ever escape it - what motivation do they have to follow the rules when even if you follow them they punish you??? I know you only got into this because you thought it was the only way to get help for hin - and once you couldn't get out they did all they could to ruin his life and make his problems exponentially worse.

    I think these POs and GALs should have to live with the kids so they can really experience the results of their idiocy. maybe then something would change.
  14. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    thank you, Susie- I feel the same way.
  15. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    OMG - JUST OMG...........I am SO furious for you! Wonder what they would do if the whole CD board showed up in their court house.??? GRRRR.

    I AM SO SORRY....just so sorry. I wish, more than anything, that there was an answer. I am still reeling that they gave him a sex charge!!!! Good God Matt would be in prison forever at that rate.

    There are just no words.
  16. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Speaking of that charge going to go on his record as a real sex in he has to report for life?
  17. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Steely, I was thinking that too... like the folks who are doing the occupy wall street stuff, (not saying anything political here, just saying they sure are determined and we could probably out determine anyone for all we here have learned to fight). Really needs a grass roots movement to change things.
  18. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    I'm just sick to my stomach for you.
  19. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I don't think so DJ- I think this just stays in his Department of Juvenile Justice file as 'sexual misconduct' but I'm not positive. He didn't try to rape someone or commit an offense against a child and it wasn't a street charge. I'm wondering if Donna will stop over and say what happens as a result of this type charge in adult prison. Of course, some things are stricter in Department of Juvenile Justice than in the adult system so who knows. The worst part about this charge is that it puts difficult child's release after next school semester starts, meaning he can't get any classes worth squat and this will mess him up academically. Will they move it up one week to coordinate with school- oh heck no. Their idea of coordinating with school is to let them know when the release date is.

    I'm still reeling over PO talking out of both sides of his mouth. This isn't the first time he'd done this but at first, I thought it was because he was new in this jurisdiction, then I thought it was because he was just green altogether, but when he told difficult child that he'd let me come home but I wouldn't let him and I got mad he backtracked and tried to say I misunderstood but a day or two later I got a letter from difficult child saying that PO had told him this. I mentioned that to the attny I spoke with a couple of mos ago and she said 'no way PO would do that- I must have misunderstood and be believing my son when my son isn't telling the truth'. How would my son come up with that on his own at the same time PO told me this? And then he sets this meeting up telling me it was so we could go over things with re--entry lady and when I specifically asked the day before if this plan had been cast in stone or committed to, he told me 'no'. Yet his super and re-entry lady had been told differently. So that is why his super was reacting like I was in there trying to write the parole plan. Huh? He told me 'what the options were and told me to pick one'. He's back tracking on that now because his super is involved, is my guess and he he hadn't told her the truth about what he'd told me. He just told me that to force my hand. And watch and see- I bet he uses this stuff I typed up about my concerns re difficult child against me with difficult child. It has me fuming- he even told me when we met privately after the bigger meeting last week that he recommended difficult child coming home with caseworker and mentor- then the next time we talk it's this?

    The attny I had spoken with said if he turned out to be a PO like this (yes, I asked about it some time ago due to previous issues with people in CSU), that we could talk with super. I told her then that my experience with talking to a POs super was that the super just backs the PO up. The attny said 'no, they won't do that'. I find it hared to believe that people in the system really thinkk others in this system are really that honest and straight forward.

    And what's the deal with having meetings or phone calls to address concerns a parent has if none of it matters? If it's being dictated and ordered, they don't care what concerns a parent has. So why do they do this? Is it just to get the parent to buy into it? How can any parent buy into something when they know they are being manipulated?

    More and more, I cans ee why parents legally walk from their kids when they get sent to Department of Juvenile Justice. They might as well- the only difference it makes is that if you don';t, you pay CS and can be found 'noncompliant' by the courts if you don't do whatever they order. The only thing they can take away from a parent is visitation rights if they think you aren't supporting their efforts.

    The re-entry lady coulldn't or wouldn't give straight answers to questions about how this home runs- supposedly the plan is to re-unify the kid with the parents. But then she made it sound like once a kid works his way to get a day pass, it isn't to spend the day with parents- it's that he just gets to go out for the day- like he can just walk out the door and go anywhere and do anything and I don't even know if the parent would know or not. So if the point is really to get the boy out on his own, I suppose it's another situation where the parent is just in the picture to back uup whatever they say.

    I can't help but wonder if PO and all this being up in the air had something to do with difficult child ending up with his punishment of having his time extended.
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2011
  20. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    klmno, I can't offer any specific advice, not having been there done that, but just wanted to offer some supportive thoughts. This must be such a tough time for you.