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And then I asked him to stop calling me.
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<blockquote data-quote="trinityroyal" data-source="post: 619882" data-attributes="member: 3907"><p>Echo, you've already received so many wonderful words of wisdom, that I don't really feel I can add value by adding to them.</p><p></p><p>The only thing I think I can add is validation. My difficult child was on a sad-mad-bad road for a very long time. During those dark years, I simply stopped having anything to do with him. I didn't phone or take his calls, ignored text messages, didn't visit, absented myself from the house when he visited, forbade any overnight stays...you get the idea. I think my total absence finally lit a fire in his head -- if you want mom in your life, you had better adhere to her standards of how to treat her, how to treat your siblings, how to behave under her roof. What he gets up to in the world is his affair. Occasionally, when he asks, I offer advice of the "Well, I would handle it this way, but you're a resourceful fellow and you'll figure it out" (Many times I skip the "I would handle it..." part).</p><p></p><p>Slowly, very slowly, we are rebuilding our relationship. As adults. It will likely take years and years (if ever) before we're as close as we used to be, but at least he's in my life now and I'm in his. </p><p></p><p>I froze him out for nearly 5 years to get to that point. It was so very hard, but it got easier with each passing day. And letting him back in after that absence has been easier too.</p><p></p><p>Many gentle hugs, my friend, as you walk this path.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trinityroyal, post: 619882, member: 3907"] Echo, you've already received so many wonderful words of wisdom, that I don't really feel I can add value by adding to them. The only thing I think I can add is validation. My difficult child was on a sad-mad-bad road for a very long time. During those dark years, I simply stopped having anything to do with him. I didn't phone or take his calls, ignored text messages, didn't visit, absented myself from the house when he visited, forbade any overnight stays...you get the idea. I think my total absence finally lit a fire in his head -- if you want mom in your life, you had better adhere to her standards of how to treat her, how to treat your siblings, how to behave under her roof. What he gets up to in the world is his affair. Occasionally, when he asks, I offer advice of the "Well, I would handle it this way, but you're a resourceful fellow and you'll figure it out" (Many times I skip the "I would handle it..." part). Slowly, very slowly, we are rebuilding our relationship. As adults. It will likely take years and years (if ever) before we're as close as we used to be, but at least he's in my life now and I'm in his. I froze him out for nearly 5 years to get to that point. It was so very hard, but it got easier with each passing day. And letting him back in after that absence has been easier too. Many gentle hugs, my friend, as you walk this path. [/QUOTE]
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And then I asked him to stop calling me.
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