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And then I asked him to stop calling me.
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 620193" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>Cedar, Child, thank you for checking in...I actually feel better. difficult child hasn't tried to reach me in 5 days...nor has he called SO. In the past I would have started flipping out...usually 3 days was my limit for starting to panic, is he dead, hurt, unconscious, beaten up, lying under a bridge (none of these things have ever happened). should I call emergency rooms, police, his friends (when he was 17 I would call police). Once in one of these episodes my SO went out in the night like a cat burgler, with black clothes, a flashlight, and a gun, and searched all the sites...under the bridge, in the park. He walked down alleys, and tried back doors. He actually jumped over a chain link fence and found the back door to an apartment building in a very nice neighborhood open...went up the unheated fire steps...and found a bunch of blankets, mattresses....and the cupcakes from my youngest son's bar mitvah, which had happened jsut a few days earlier. difficult child hadn't come to the bar mitvah, although he had said he would (actually SO went out on the streets searching for him then too....tried to lasso him in but failed). difficult child and a bunch of other people were living in the stairwell of a fancy apartment building, 10 blocks from my house. By choice. </p><p></p><p>So I knew he was alive.</p><p></p><p>As I write I realize I don't really appreciate SO enough..but that is another story.</p><p></p><p>The point is..I feel lighter, freer. I would NEVER have felt that way in difficult child's complete absence before. Even in his absence I had to control the frequency of acceptable contact. I had my own internal rules that I applied. Now..even though we have 12 inches of snow and freezing rain, even though it is February, even though I have reason to believe that he is not in any kind of stable house...it is OK. It has to be OK.</p><p></p><p>One of my younger sons asked me the other day if I was OK, if something had happened to difficult child. I said I am feeling down, but no, nothing has changed. To which he replied...that is even sadder. It means he affects you all the time.</p><p></p><p>That gave me some food for thought.</p><p></p><p>So today is sooooo sunny! SO gave me helium balloons, one tied to my coffee cup. The perfect, lighthearted valentines gift. I have another day of relief under my belt.</p><p></p><p>I wish the same for all of you, my friends.</p><p></p><p>Thank you for checking on me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 620193, member: 17269"] Cedar, Child, thank you for checking in...I actually feel better. difficult child hasn't tried to reach me in 5 days...nor has he called SO. In the past I would have started flipping out...usually 3 days was my limit for starting to panic, is he dead, hurt, unconscious, beaten up, lying under a bridge (none of these things have ever happened). should I call emergency rooms, police, his friends (when he was 17 I would call police). Once in one of these episodes my SO went out in the night like a cat burgler, with black clothes, a flashlight, and a gun, and searched all the sites...under the bridge, in the park. He walked down alleys, and tried back doors. He actually jumped over a chain link fence and found the back door to an apartment building in a very nice neighborhood open...went up the unheated fire steps...and found a bunch of blankets, mattresses....and the cupcakes from my youngest son's bar mitvah, which had happened jsut a few days earlier. difficult child hadn't come to the bar mitvah, although he had said he would (actually SO went out on the streets searching for him then too....tried to lasso him in but failed). difficult child and a bunch of other people were living in the stairwell of a fancy apartment building, 10 blocks from my house. By choice. So I knew he was alive. As I write I realize I don't really appreciate SO enough..but that is another story. The point is..I feel lighter, freer. I would NEVER have felt that way in difficult child's complete absence before. Even in his absence I had to control the frequency of acceptable contact. I had my own internal rules that I applied. Now..even though we have 12 inches of snow and freezing rain, even though it is February, even though I have reason to believe that he is not in any kind of stable house...it is OK. It has to be OK. One of my younger sons asked me the other day if I was OK, if something had happened to difficult child. I said I am feeling down, but no, nothing has changed. To which he replied...that is even sadder. It means he affects you all the time. That gave me some food for thought. So today is sooooo sunny! SO gave me helium balloons, one tied to my coffee cup. The perfect, lighthearted valentines gift. I have another day of relief under my belt. I wish the same for all of you, my friends. Thank you for checking on me. [/QUOTE]
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