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Angry adolescent easy child's with older difficult child sibs
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<blockquote data-quote="recovering doormat" data-source="post: 278234" data-attributes="member: 5941"><p>Thank you for reaching out to me about this. There are two filters that affect how I see/react to situations, and they are: my own hopeless anger about exDH's financial control over me, and my anxiety about my competence as a parent. </p><p> </p><p>When we started the divorce proceedings exDH did everything he could to present me as the less-fit parent so he could get sole custody of three minor children. During the trial he got onthe stand and painted me as emotionally frail, brought up an abortion I had as a teenager, financially profligate, and that I could not make difficult children behave like PCs, so therefore the kids should go to him. A confessed workaholic who spent perhaps five weekends in 14 years completely with his family, and only because we went away from home.</p><p> </p><p>During the intake interview at difficult child 2's third hospitalization, at age 11, I broke into tears and asked the social worker if I was the reason that our son was back in the hospital (he suffered from anxiety and ODD and we had been talking about applying consequences for his misbehavior and being consistent, it was before our separation but things had been deteriorating for a long time). There was silence from my husband and the social worker. I took that as a yes and it has haunted me since. I feel sometimes like there's nothing I can do that is good that cancels out the mistakes.</p><p> </p><p>I've tried to take my ego out of the picture and consider what is best for my easy child right now, and it is not being left alone all day. She has a "boyfriend" and people often tell me how beautiful she is. She is a candidate for getting involved sexually and as a survivor of too-early sexual involvment myself (and a disastrous unintended consequence that has haunted me for decades), I will do anything I can to protect her.</p><p> </p><p>husband is not a nice guy. People often remard that if he was so concerned about his kids, why has he dragged out a divorce and property settlement for nearly five years? My ex has assets in seven figures and I own one thing, my 2001 minivan with 134,000 miles on it. I don't own the house where I lay my head at night. His last motion filed was to stop paying me child support since my daughter was living with him, and to insist in court papers that now I can get a full time job and pay him cs for the two minor kids because he wouldn't be able to work as much since he'd have physical custody of the two! It would almost be funny if he wasn't so crazy and bent on getting back at me for leaving him. I didn't just wound his pride, I upset the financial house of cards he had constructed, and now a lot of people who admired him and thought him nearly a genius don't have such a high opinion anymore. </p><p> </p><p>It can't hurt to try to talk to him, but I'm not optomistic. I'm just trying to hang on until the appellate judges decide whether to enforce the divorce judgement (should know by Sept/October) or if they change the distribution, or worse of all, give him another day in court. </p><p> </p><p>Not even the Trumps took this long to finish their divorce!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recovering doormat, post: 278234, member: 5941"] Thank you for reaching out to me about this. There are two filters that affect how I see/react to situations, and they are: my own hopeless anger about exDH's financial control over me, and my anxiety about my competence as a parent. When we started the divorce proceedings exDH did everything he could to present me as the less-fit parent so he could get sole custody of three minor children. During the trial he got onthe stand and painted me as emotionally frail, brought up an abortion I had as a teenager, financially profligate, and that I could not make difficult children behave like PCs, so therefore the kids should go to him. A confessed workaholic who spent perhaps five weekends in 14 years completely with his family, and only because we went away from home. During the intake interview at difficult child 2's third hospitalization, at age 11, I broke into tears and asked the social worker if I was the reason that our son was back in the hospital (he suffered from anxiety and ODD and we had been talking about applying consequences for his misbehavior and being consistent, it was before our separation but things had been deteriorating for a long time). There was silence from my husband and the social worker. I took that as a yes and it has haunted me since. I feel sometimes like there's nothing I can do that is good that cancels out the mistakes. I've tried to take my ego out of the picture and consider what is best for my easy child right now, and it is not being left alone all day. She has a "boyfriend" and people often tell me how beautiful she is. She is a candidate for getting involved sexually and as a survivor of too-early sexual involvment myself (and a disastrous unintended consequence that has haunted me for decades), I will do anything I can to protect her. husband is not a nice guy. People often remard that if he was so concerned about his kids, why has he dragged out a divorce and property settlement for nearly five years? My ex has assets in seven figures and I own one thing, my 2001 minivan with 134,000 miles on it. I don't own the house where I lay my head at night. His last motion filed was to stop paying me child support since my daughter was living with him, and to insist in court papers that now I can get a full time job and pay him cs for the two minor kids because he wouldn't be able to work as much since he'd have physical custody of the two! It would almost be funny if he wasn't so crazy and bent on getting back at me for leaving him. I didn't just wound his pride, I upset the financial house of cards he had constructed, and now a lot of people who admired him and thought him nearly a genius don't have such a high opinion anymore. It can't hurt to try to talk to him, but I'm not optomistic. I'm just trying to hang on until the appellate judges decide whether to enforce the divorce judgement (should know by Sept/October) or if they change the distribution, or worse of all, give him another day in court. Not even the Trumps took this long to finish their divorce! [/QUOTE]
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