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Another Adult Child, Emphasis on "child" AKA I Need This Baby Bird to Flap and Fly.
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 587186" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I understand your feelings completely. I'm a little unclear as to what your daughter's responsibilities in your home are. Is she paying you any rent or contributing in any way to the household? Does she help with grocery shopping or cooking or cleaning or any chores to help the family? If not I would make that happen and soon. Her failure to launch sounds like laziness on her part and you offering her an easy ride. If the easy ride stops, you set boundaries and make her share some of the responsibilities she may 1. help you and become more of an adult and easier to live with or 2. decide she doesn't want to do any of those things in which case you can ask her to leave because she is not living up to the rules you set. You have all the power but are not using it, it's your home therefore you get to make the rules. If you don't want another girl there for one night, you get to make that choice, not her. She essentially has no rights because it sounds like she pays no bills. It sounds to me as if you think you need some reason to throw her out, which you don't, you can do anything you want to do. But first, I think you need to require more of her, make rules you can live with, demand rent for living in your home and demand some responsibility from her. Why should she change, there is no incentive, you provide everything. I would figure out what I want and what I don't want and make a contract for her to live with you. If she cannot abide by your contract, then she has to live elsewhere. If she has "no where to live" then she needs to get more jobs and figure something out or you will be supporting a 30 year old difficult child. You might give her a deadline to either live with the rules you set or if not to find another job, get herself transportation and move on. There is an end to the kind of parenting you are doing, it ended 4 years ago when she decided not to go to school. The free ride is now over. It's up to you now to stop making it so comfortable and easy for her to hang out and do essentially nothing. Sending lots of hugs..........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 587186, member: 13542"] I understand your feelings completely. I'm a little unclear as to what your daughter's responsibilities in your home are. Is she paying you any rent or contributing in any way to the household? Does she help with grocery shopping or cooking or cleaning or any chores to help the family? If not I would make that happen and soon. Her failure to launch sounds like laziness on her part and you offering her an easy ride. If the easy ride stops, you set boundaries and make her share some of the responsibilities she may 1. help you and become more of an adult and easier to live with or 2. decide she doesn't want to do any of those things in which case you can ask her to leave because she is not living up to the rules you set. You have all the power but are not using it, it's your home therefore you get to make the rules. If you don't want another girl there for one night, you get to make that choice, not her. She essentially has no rights because it sounds like she pays no bills. It sounds to me as if you think you need some reason to throw her out, which you don't, you can do anything you want to do. But first, I think you need to require more of her, make rules you can live with, demand rent for living in your home and demand some responsibility from her. Why should she change, there is no incentive, you provide everything. I would figure out what I want and what I don't want and make a contract for her to live with you. If she cannot abide by your contract, then she has to live elsewhere. If she has "no where to live" then she needs to get more jobs and figure something out or you will be supporting a 30 year old difficult child. You might give her a deadline to either live with the rules you set or if not to find another job, get herself transportation and move on. There is an end to the kind of parenting you are doing, it ended 4 years ago when she decided not to go to school. The free ride is now over. It's up to you now to stop making it so comfortable and easy for her to hang out and do essentially nothing. Sending lots of hugs.......... [/QUOTE]
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