another depressed update from us...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by agee, Feb 13, 2010.

  1. agee

    agee Guest

    I started to post this on the Abilify thread but then I decided it was too much of a threadjack. I am really down about my life these days and I see no end in sight, if the past 3 years are any example. I am just really glad that I at least have somewhere like here to vent.
    difficult child was switched from Risperdal (which didn't seem to do much at all, except for the 1st week about 9 months ago) to Abilify a week and a half ago. He's at 2 mg. a.m. and 2 mg. p.m. I see no difference in his behavior. He is still the screaming, unreasonable, arguing, rude, tantrum-throwing little darling that he's always been. And badgering. Badgering, badgering, badgering.
    We are so tired.
    The only thing that's helped us in the past 4 months is that we doubled his melatonin about 3 days into the Abilify. When we reintroduced Vyvanse a month ago so that he could function in school he started staying up all night. I will never take for granted a good night's sleep again.
    I took easy child out to a movie yesterday and my husband said that when I called he was very close to dropping difficult child off at a hospital to get rid of him. I think he was 90% serious. He heard that in some states it's legal to abandon your kid if you can't take care of him. This is terrifying to me. He would be arrested, right? And that would be the end of us as a family. I told him that although I don't like difficult child I love him, and he's my child. I don't think my husband thinks of difficult child as his child, honestly. It's like he's a really annoying pet or something. My husband is working 100 hours/week these days and is also ****** that "he works so can pay for" difficult child's care.
    I told him that when he says stuff like that because he has to be with difficult child alone for an hour it makes me feel like I can never leave difficult child alone with him. He said he didn't mean to make me feel like that but I don't know how he thinks I should feel.
    We need to see a therapist by my husband has no time (will make no time). I also don't know how to pick someone. In the past the people we've seen have been no help. Should we waste our time now, when we're in crisis?
    I am calling on Monday to see what we need to do about difficult child's abilify dosage. Our only instructions were to start at 2 in the p.m. and add 2 in the a.m. I've read online that it can takes week to see anything - please say that isn't so.
    We have another appointment in a week and a half, plus a cognitive assessment so we can give more information to difficult child's school, which seems a little futile at this point since they don't seem to care at all...
    Wow. I'm a little depressed. I am pretty good at self-care but there are lots of days that I feel like everything is on me. And since I haven't managed to figure out difficult child and fix my family's problems I feel like a failure.
    I "know" that I'm not, okay? But I feel that I am.
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Is there a children's psychiatric hospital in your area?

    If so, please call and talk to the admitting office on Tuesday. Ask if there is a day treatment or partial hospitalization program. Ask what the hours are and what the schedule is. Ask what kinds of kids they take into the program. Ask the typical length of stay. Ask the goals of the program. See if it all sounds comfortable to you.

    If it all checks out, call your psychiatrist and see if he will recommend that your difficult child be admitted to the day treatment program. That way your difficult child could be stabilized on medications more quickly.

    Hang in there.
  3. agee

    agee Guest

    The thought of that scares the **** out of me.
    He is 7. He is little. He shouldn't be in a hospital alone. He is not a danger to us or to himself. He keeps it together in school. He's just really, really, really hard to live with.
  4. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Day treatment runs the hours of school -- generally 8:30 am or 9 am to 3 pm. It helps stabilizes kids on medications and teaches them coping skills. If things are so difficult at your house, it might be a way to get things moving in the right direction more quickly.

    My daughter was 8 when she was in day treatment for 5 weeks for an eating disorder. It helped her immeasurably.
  5. agee

    agee Guest

    Okay, okay.
    When I call the dr. on Monday I will ask if there's any way to speed any of this up. We've been having medication change problems/uselessness for about 6 months now. I think I am experiencing some stress-related health problems, actually. It's been really hard on us.
    Thanks for this.
  6. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member

    After you take SW's advice, also put a call into your psychiatrist. Perhaps your son can take Abilify all in the morning. I remember that we saw some positive impacts certainly within a week. If you have been at it for a week or so and not seeing anything good, also report that to your psychiatrist.

    Did the Risperdal work?

    Did the Vyvanse work? Did your son calm down during the day? We too have had sleep issues. But the dosage can be adjusted, or he can take short acting Adderall if you saw a positive impact. He could also be given something like Risperdal or Seroquel to help him settle down in the evening.

    Be sure to keep a log of all the medications he has been on, what you observed etc. It sounds like it is going to take some time to get it right.

    There were times with my kids that I was sure we weren't going to survive as a family or that all I wanted was to run away. There were certainly dark times. For us, finally getting both of kids in a better place medication wise was key. But it took years.

    A therapist for you might help as long as it is one that understands how difficult it is to have kids with major issues.

    How is he doing in school? Is the school reporting major problems?

    I'm sorry--perhaps being honest with your psychiatrist that your son's behavior is taking a huge toll on your family might help him/her find a day treatment program.

  7. agee

    agee Guest

    The Risperdal didn't seem to do anything. At the initial dose, 8 months ago, we saw some improvement, but when we upped it before Xmas - nothing.
    The Vyvanse helps him calm down enough so he can get through school. He still has a lot of behavioral problems there but at least the teacher can teach the whole class now. For the month with no stimulant. the teacher said there were days when he and the assistant took turns only focusing in difficult child.
    His teacher is nice, but pretty clueless. Last week he told me in the 7 years he's been teaching he's never been part of an IEP and certainly never initiated one. I have a hard time believing that out of the 140 kids who he's taught there's never been one with a learning difference. Basically, his way of dealing with difficult child is to let a lot of his behaviors slide. Which I guess is good because it means that difficult child isn't in trouble all of the time, but it also means that I don't have accurate info. to give the administration.
    At home I see less of a difference, but he's definitely worse when not on the stimulant, and even though Vyvanse has lasted the longest in his system than any other stimulant it really only lasts about 6 hours. We have a script for a Ritalin booster but the dr. asked us to wait until we get the Abilify dosage worked out. 1 thing at a time.
    Just tired, but thankful for the advice here.
  8. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi! I don't know where you live, but in NY, we've got a program through our area that is called Intensive Intervention. We just signed up for it and we're waiting for approval, but the basic thing is that they have a person come in and study the family, all of the relationships, interactions ,etc. with the difficult children and then helps figure out ways to work with them and us.

    It's intrusive, but it beats having to hospitalize or foster difficult child 1 out. He's at a turning point (doing great at school but being an abominable "bastage" at home) and I figured I need help.

    I'm tired 24/7, husband is referred to as AH, my marriage is a shambles, the other 2 difficult child's want him gone, the baby is having developmental problems with swallowing and speaking as well as walking and pulling up. Now we'll have therapists in 4 days a week.

    I haven't seen my regular doctor. in 3 years, and I have a theory that my thyroid is out of whack.

    Trust me - I KNOW HOW YOU'RE FEELING!!! ;):D

    Keep posting - we really do care!!

  9. maril

    maril New Member

    So sorry - things sound very stressful. Others give good ideas.

    Are you willing to search for or get referrals for in-home services? In-home crisis intervention services and counseling have been helpful for us (specifically, related to the behaviors of my son) in addition to outside treatment. Possibly might seem intrusive, as nvts suggests, but may provide some support and relief for you (it sounds like you're in charge of things at home a good bit of the time because of your husband's work hours). Good luck. :angel3:
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2010