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another dilemma!
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<blockquote data-quote="Big Bad Kitty" data-source="post: 81784" data-attributes="member: 3647"><p><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: standswithcourage</div><div class="ubbcode-body">It is weird. We were such a close family I thought. I stayed home 15 years with my children only to feel like I got slapped in the face.</div></div></p><p></p><p>I think that this comment speaks volumes. I think it explains an awful lot about why you are having such a tough time detaching from your older son. </p><p></p><p>You have a vision of what life <em>could</em> be like, about what you think life <em>should</em> be like. You are so hurt that things are not working out according to what you believe it should have. And you are taking it personally, and trying to change it. Your son has the disease of addiction, and you have GOT to understand that you cannot help him. You can't make him better, and you can't change him.</p><p></p><p>Remember, you have no control over anything in life except for yourself and your own reactions. </p><p></p><p>You can't make your son stop using drugs, but you can hurry the process along by detaching.</p><p></p><p>You can't make your daughter want to come over, but you can make the house more pleasant by removing your son from it.</p><p></p><p>Your 17 year old son is great. Is he being ignored, with all the attention that your other son is getting?</p><p></p><p>Things may never be as you want them to be. You have to accept that. You have to accept things as they are. Remember the serenity prayer. Embrace things as they are, and do what you can with them. Trying to change what is there is fighting an uphill battle. Go with the flow. You don't have to like the flow, but it is easier to go with it than to try and change it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Big Bad Kitty, post: 81784, member: 3647"] <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: standswithcourage</div><div class="ubbcode-body">It is weird. We were such a close family I thought. I stayed home 15 years with my children only to feel like I got slapped in the face.</div></div> I think that this comment speaks volumes. I think it explains an awful lot about why you are having such a tough time detaching from your older son. You have a vision of what life [i]could[/i] be like, about what you think life [i]should[/i] be like. You are so hurt that things are not working out according to what you believe it should have. And you are taking it personally, and trying to change it. Your son has the disease of addiction, and you have GOT to understand that you cannot help him. You can't make him better, and you can't change him. Remember, you have no control over anything in life except for yourself and your own reactions. You can't make your son stop using drugs, but you can hurry the process along by detaching. You can't make your daughter want to come over, but you can make the house more pleasant by removing your son from it. Your 17 year old son is great. Is he being ignored, with all the attention that your other son is getting? Things may never be as you want them to be. You have to accept that. You have to accept things as they are. Remember the serenity prayer. Embrace things as they are, and do what you can with them. Trying to change what is there is fighting an uphill battle. Go with the flow. You don't have to like the flow, but it is easier to go with it than to try and change it. [/QUOTE]
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