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<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 749785" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>Beta, I'm sorry for your heartache. This suffering we go through is by far the worst. I know for myself I want so bad to have "normal" non-homeless, hardworking, loving, considerate and respectful sons. But I don't. My slipping into denial is usually what continues to give me the heartache. They say, "if you deny the truth it will blindside you at every turn and your life will become unmanageable". </p><p></p><p>I've been down that road of being called the worst names and also being called by my first name showing "me" that I'm not Mom in the conversation but that we're on a first name basis and no respect is due me. Like you, I usually end up blocking for a while either calls or texts or both. As you mentioned the name-calling and disrespect does help us "for awhile" to detach but somehow I'm not strong enough and always "unblock" eventually when my heart softens. In my heart it's because I forgive them but in their minds I think they feel they have defeated me and they think they have shown me they are right and I'm wrong and the pattern continues. What has helped me is blocking for longer lengths of time when this happens and for now, at least, it's been better. </p><p></p><p>I get what you're saying that you're grieving the sweet boy who is gone forever...I think for me, I still think my sons are the same as they were when they were children. In reality, I don't really know them anymore or what's going through their minds and the little bit that I do know, is not very comforting. </p><p></p><p>As far as your son goes, we can only hope and pray that maybe having a fresh start with your sister and her husband will have a good effect on him. I don't want to be naive but also I try to remember that "with God all things are possible".</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 749785, member: 23405"] Beta, I'm sorry for your heartache. This suffering we go through is by far the worst. I know for myself I want so bad to have "normal" non-homeless, hardworking, loving, considerate and respectful sons. But I don't. My slipping into denial is usually what continues to give me the heartache. They say, "if you deny the truth it will blindside you at every turn and your life will become unmanageable". I've been down that road of being called the worst names and also being called by my first name showing "me" that I'm not Mom in the conversation but that we're on a first name basis and no respect is due me. Like you, I usually end up blocking for a while either calls or texts or both. As you mentioned the name-calling and disrespect does help us "for awhile" to detach but somehow I'm not strong enough and always "unblock" eventually when my heart softens. In my heart it's because I forgive them but in their minds I think they feel they have defeated me and they think they have shown me they are right and I'm wrong and the pattern continues. What has helped me is blocking for longer lengths of time when this happens and for now, at least, it's been better. I get what you're saying that you're grieving the sweet boy who is gone forever...I think for me, I still think my sons are the same as they were when they were children. In reality, I don't really know them anymore or what's going through their minds and the little bit that I do know, is not very comforting. As far as your son goes, we can only hope and pray that maybe having a fresh start with your sister and her husband will have a good effect on him. I don't want to be naive but also I try to remember that "with God all things are possible". [/QUOTE]
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