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<blockquote data-quote="StillStanding" data-source="post: 710907" data-attributes="member: 21300"><p>"Does any one way always work for them? </p><p></p><p>There is no one method. You have to look at yourself in the mirror every day. "</p><p></p><p>I agree with this completely. My son has been clean for 30+ days. This maybe doesn't sound like a lot but for us it's a lifetime. This is the longer he's gone for 7 years. He's in IOP, seeing a psychatrist and taking his medications. He's working for the first time in 2 years. It's not a great job but it's honest work and he shows up everyday. </p><p></p><p>I'm starting to think that my comfort zone is somewhere in the middle. I have firm boundaries (i.e. I NEVER give him cash or access to valuables) but I also choose to help (i.e. his paychecks are deposited into my bank account and we agree weekly on where the money should go). </p><p></p><p>I saw another thread about people saying their children haven't matured since using drugs. This is true in my case. Do I think I should have to manage the cash for a 21 year old? Nope! But, would I for a 14 year old? Maybe. </p><p></p><p>I do think it's important that I remember that my child is unique. </p><p></p><p>I'm going to read this book. I'm sure I won't agree with everything there either. </p><p></p><p>I personally have made choices because of what my husband thinks, or what extended family thinks or what someone says at Naranon. And, they haven't been my choices because I've been so afraid to be thought of as an enabler. </p><p></p><p>I'm mostly rambling. I hate this disease. But, I will remember that I have to look myself in the mirror. </p><p></p><p>Thanks for your thoughts.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="StillStanding, post: 710907, member: 21300"] "Does any one way always work for them? There is no one method. You have to look at yourself in the mirror every day. " I agree with this completely. My son has been clean for 30+ days. This maybe doesn't sound like a lot but for us it's a lifetime. This is the longer he's gone for 7 years. He's in IOP, seeing a psychatrist and taking his medications. He's working for the first time in 2 years. It's not a great job but it's honest work and he shows up everyday. I'm starting to think that my comfort zone is somewhere in the middle. I have firm boundaries (i.e. I NEVER give him cash or access to valuables) but I also choose to help (i.e. his paychecks are deposited into my bank account and we agree weekly on where the money should go). I saw another thread about people saying their children haven't matured since using drugs. This is true in my case. Do I think I should have to manage the cash for a 21 year old? Nope! But, would I for a 14 year old? Maybe. I do think it's important that I remember that my child is unique. I'm going to read this book. I'm sure I won't agree with everything there either. I personally have made choices because of what my husband thinks, or what extended family thinks or what someone says at Naranon. And, they haven't been my choices because I've been so afraid to be thought of as an enabler. I'm mostly rambling. I hate this disease. But, I will remember that I have to look myself in the mirror. Thanks for your thoughts. [/QUOTE]
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