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Another saga in my life of victimization?
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<blockquote data-quote="Tiapet" data-source="post: 157777" data-attributes="member: 455"><p>Steely I'm going to share something with you from my own life. It's a little personal but it's ok now. When I was hurting (and I can no way compare your hurt to what I went through) it was paralyzing. Seems like that was/is happening with you too. Then I got angry. In hurt you can't be product but with anger you can. You are just now beginning to feel that anger. Go with it. You can be productive with anger and "do" something about it. It's a big motivator more then hurt could ever be, especially when you have been victimized (as you say all your life). It's being able to move from victim to survivior! Yes, you are that and I know right now you don't like being that at the moment because it kind of hurts but you are that and you NEED to be this for you and H.</p><p></p><p>Like everyone says, no more taking the disrespect from anyone at all. You need to set up boundaries for yourself. Even if it is small ones at first on what is acceptable and not allow anyone to cross them. It may be hard to hold that ground at first but it will come slowly.</p><p></p><p>As far as work, or making life better overall, this is where the productivity can come in. While this job is not perfect (and probably there is no such thing as perfect out there) it is a job for the moment. In a time where jobs are hard to come by too. You can begin your search for another job if that is the path you take but in the mean time I have another suggestion that will help you in ways you can't hardly imagine at the moment. This is what I did and it helped immensely on all fronts (self esteem, boundaries, hurt, etc..). </p><p></p><p>Involve yourself in something that helps others. It really doesn't matter what it is, and it can be only an hour a week for now (as time might be a precious commodity for you). Soon enough you will find you will want to spend more time giving of yourself in this activity because it helps lift you out of what you are feeling and feeds into our human need to help others. Often it also helps put things into perspective in our own lives. It really, really doesn't matter what area you choose to donate your time at this point so long as it is helping others. It's a feel good project that I promise you will help YOU, as you are helping others.</p><p></p><p>You are doing this by offering yourself on your terms, your boundaries and you are gaining the respect as well that you need. It is an esteem builder and helps overall to get you stronger. They say fake it until you make it but by doing this, it surely helps even more and it's not even faking it.</p><p></p><p>I promise you (and I don't make promises lightly) that this WILL help you. I know right now it may seem insurmountable to do anything extra with what you've been through and dealing with but this is like a small treat to yourself in an surprise box.</p><p></p><p>For me it was working with families that have children with mental illness or others who have been abused (it progressed as time went on). I became known for resources in the area (and a very large network of contacts to boot) in the end. You will know when the time comes, as well, when you can say "enough" and stop giving of yourself and pull back. There is more to this story but suffice it to say, if I didn't have this/do this, I can't tell you where I would be today or if I would be.</p><p></p><p>Just my humble .02 thought.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tiapet, post: 157777, member: 455"] Steely I'm going to share something with you from my own life. It's a little personal but it's ok now. When I was hurting (and I can no way compare your hurt to what I went through) it was paralyzing. Seems like that was/is happening with you too. Then I got angry. In hurt you can't be product but with anger you can. You are just now beginning to feel that anger. Go with it. You can be productive with anger and "do" something about it. It's a big motivator more then hurt could ever be, especially when you have been victimized (as you say all your life). It's being able to move from victim to survivior! Yes, you are that and I know right now you don't like being that at the moment because it kind of hurts but you are that and you NEED to be this for you and H. Like everyone says, no more taking the disrespect from anyone at all. You need to set up boundaries for yourself. Even if it is small ones at first on what is acceptable and not allow anyone to cross them. It may be hard to hold that ground at first but it will come slowly. As far as work, or making life better overall, this is where the productivity can come in. While this job is not perfect (and probably there is no such thing as perfect out there) it is a job for the moment. In a time where jobs are hard to come by too. You can begin your search for another job if that is the path you take but in the mean time I have another suggestion that will help you in ways you can't hardly imagine at the moment. This is what I did and it helped immensely on all fronts (self esteem, boundaries, hurt, etc..). Involve yourself in something that helps others. It really doesn't matter what it is, and it can be only an hour a week for now (as time might be a precious commodity for you). Soon enough you will find you will want to spend more time giving of yourself in this activity because it helps lift you out of what you are feeling and feeds into our human need to help others. Often it also helps put things into perspective in our own lives. It really, really doesn't matter what area you choose to donate your time at this point so long as it is helping others. It's a feel good project that I promise you will help YOU, as you are helping others. You are doing this by offering yourself on your terms, your boundaries and you are gaining the respect as well that you need. It is an esteem builder and helps overall to get you stronger. They say fake it until you make it but by doing this, it surely helps even more and it's not even faking it. I promise you (and I don't make promises lightly) that this WILL help you. I know right now it may seem insurmountable to do anything extra with what you've been through and dealing with but this is like a small treat to yourself in an surprise box. For me it was working with families that have children with mental illness or others who have been abused (it progressed as time went on). I became known for resources in the area (and a very large network of contacts to boot) in the end. You will know when the time comes, as well, when you can say "enough" and stop giving of yourself and pull back. There is more to this story but suffice it to say, if I didn't have this/do this, I can't tell you where I would be today or if I would be. Just my humble .02 thought. [/QUOTE]
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