Another suspension for the bug.....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, Dec 17, 2008.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I finally got kt back into school after 3 days of continuing absentism & boom, she's suspended for today. After talking with the teacher in who's class she was acting out he was pushing for not coming back until after the winter break was over.

    in my humble opinion, it takes a lot to hack a teacher off to that degree after only one day back at school. :highvoltage: Each side of the story is totally different. At one point I did hear kt & the way she was speaking with this teacher in such a disrespectful manner & I don't blame the man. I'd be close to decking my beautiful but dissociated daughter. I asked him if he was even aware that this wasn't "kt"; that she was in a dissociative state? (I could tell over the phone) Teacher replied that "kt isn't thinking clearly; her thoughts are disjointed. However, he didn't seem to care ~ suspension along with transfer back to day treatment.

    All this was occurring during my mtg with mental health CM & CADI manager sitting at my kitchen island - doing some updating & such. I put the phone on speaker - let mental CM take over; teacher was not backing down on the ADA laws & that the school needed to find a way to cope not suspend. As there was no violence CM is going into the school today once again to speak with vice principal & SW from the program kt attends. His bottom line is that if kt is that "uncontrollable" she is likely dissociative & needs transport to the nearest ER. Expecting mom or anyone else to come pick kt up to transport her home is a dangerous situation for all concerned. (PCA volunteered to pick kt up early & let me know the siutation; she felt that she could transport kt home.)

    Bottom line is kt is suspended today (possibly thru the end of the week); the teachers feel that I have some kind of magical consequence here that they cannot put into effect at school.

    By the time I was done speaking with school, kt walked into the door in a very defensive & angry manner. Mental health CM helped me get her medications plus PRN medications into her. Both SWs stayed until kt settled.

    Mental health CM asked kt what she felt was an appropriate consequence? How mom can support her while making SD feel as though mom was taking them seriously? kt replied, "mom's sad face is enough of a consequence for me". :itching::stopglass:

    What world is this child living in? A terrified, skaky family & school world. kt sees her attachment specialist along today. I'm going to update him before we get there so he knows the score.

    Last edited: Dec 17, 2008
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Linda,
    I'm sorry to read this-for kt and for you. I'm glad others were there to help. I have to say with no violence I'm surprised they are pushing for such a long suspension. That seems out of the norm at least in our school district. I hope that the CM is able to work through some things with the school. If she is suspended 10 days in a year they will have to do a manifestation determination (I'm sure you probably already know this) and then they may be forced to cope as opposed to suspending.
    Hugs to you this morning my friend.
  3. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Poor kt. My heart is really breaking for her. I can only imagine her pain and confusion.

    About the only plus I can think of is the timing. At least you had some of her team with you when this occurred. Nice that she felt your sad face was a consequence -- mine never did and wouldn't even say it mattered.

    Just HUGS!
  4. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Like Sharon, I'm also suprised the teacher would push for a long suspension with disrespectful attitude being the only culprit. Perhaps the school is getting tired of dealing with this and suspending her until January gets her out of their hair. Not saying that to be mean, just thinking outloud about how the school probably made their decision.

    If kt continues to dissociate on a regular basis, will they require a change of placement you think? I know you had an iep meeting about this recently. I would imagine that the school is just not equipped for such a complicated condition.

  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    It sounds like another teacher who just doesn't get it- he was reacting to the situation out of frustration. If we parents kicked our kids out every time they mouthed off at us, we'd all be in court for neglect or abuse. Also, I noticed that suspensions never made my son repsect anyone any more than he did already. I hope the cm or someone can do a little explaining to the teacher about kt's issues and that no length of suspension will cure them.
    Last edited: Dec 17, 2008
  6. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    I could not be more sorry for kt and you. I wish I could say I was surprised, difficult child was not ever ever violent, and experience proved to some of our school teachers and staff that if y dtr was permitted to follow her iep and go to her "safe place" she would only disassociate for a very brief time....but time and again, it was school and not my difficult child that got aggressive and or violent, and yes, my difficult child was suspended more often than matter how many times our advocate, our ndoc, our psychiatrist all went into the school, and no matter what the due process hearing officer said school had to do.
    It really did not matter what world my difficult child was living in, school continued to seem to enjoy maakeing it worse, so sad, cuz the very nature of the disorder is that the kids do not usually choose to exhibit these symptoms. and handleing it poorly can make it ever so much worse.....
    I still get very sad alternateing with quite angry about the inhuman way our school handled my difficult child......If you could use suspension to cure a childs illness.whew, I wish! and calling it a suspension rather than a medical leave bothers me, too. THat makes a kid feel as if they are simply "bad" rather than ill. Hard to teach our kids compassion when they are handled with less than compassion by people in authority. My heart breaks for our kids. Life is soo hard for them. and then some people seem to just want so much to make it even harder. So often it does not really take any less work or effort to be kinder and handle things better. I swear our school seemed to enjoy triggering my difficult child. and escalating things.
  7. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    It sounds like the teacher is in the wrong profession. I hope ktbug is doing better today.
  8. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Perhaps they can share their fantastic insight, or at least the instructions for that magic wand you supposedly keep tucked in your purse for just such an occasion? :rolleyes:
  9. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sadly I second the idea that they try to "get rid" of the problem kids promptly and for as long as possible. It takes special people to teach Special Education kids. I, for one, would not be successful at that job so I don't demean the teachers on the other hand even with mainstream kids in our community it is not at all unusual for oss suspensions to be lengthly for minor infractions. I'll never forget my easy child/difficult child got oss in kindergarden because
    he put a slice of tomato on top of his head in the cafeteria!

    I greatly admire your tenacity. Sending hugs your way. DDD
  10. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    As always, I appreciate the support & well thought out responses. This is the best group of parents around.

    Given that the SD refuses to follow the IEP & federal & state laws it's another battle on my hands. They wouldn't send home a diabetic, asthmatic, epileptic. No. I'm getting a tad bitter here.

    And saying that, kt is dissoicative on a semi regular basis of late. More so than in the entire past 2 years. Her thinking is disjointed ~ her reasoning is off. One minute she is argumentative but respectful (here at home); the next she is cooperative & helpful.

    I've asked SD & it's in her IEP that when they see kt begin to escalate (& there are signs) to give her a safe quiet place to remove herself to regroup.

    There is a meeting after the first of the year to discuss the need for kt to return to day treatment. kt sees it as failure. I see it as a move to the side. She needs what day treatment can offer given this past fall & all the happenings to help her recenter & regroup. It could be for just a quarter or until the end of the school year.

    kt's illness & complex PTSD are difficult to maintain & to deal with on a daily basis. Like many of our other difficult children we just never know on a day to day basis.

    As a mom, I suffer for her. She had been doing so well ~ but I wonder at what cost? Was this move to a school this large & with-o the seperation of behavior from emotional problems more than kt could handle?

    I can't go back & redo ~ I must start looking to the future. Hope kt gets on board with her transfer to another program or back to day treatment (my choice).

    Again thank you. As many of you are living. the holidays are the worst time of year for our children & it's proving to be correct for ktbug & master wm as well.