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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 723844" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Nope, it doesnt work to just take care of them and hope they respond and listen. If your adult child has strep throat or the flu or even cancer, TLC is very helpful and welcome by most adult children.</p><p></p><p>Addiction and general abusive behavior (due to any reason) does NOT NOT NOT respond to our kindness and nurturing. In fact it teaches them new ways to manipulate us, abuse us, use us. It doesnt help them be better people.</p><p></p><p>I have been here for so long...i forget. Over a decade. Not one story of a parent nursing an addict and bathing him in kindness has ended wirh the addict or borderline or narcicistic child suddenly turning it around. It is after we have gotten tough that many turn around. Our money, our homes, our deals with them, our over talking, our pushing, our suggesting, our begging, our warm food, gift cards, clothing, crying, our hearts breaking for them...it seems to work against addicts and those with no motivation/personality problems. The more we give, the more they want.</p><p></p><p>I bring this up too from time to time. It is in every way against our mother hearts not to nurture and help, yet usually the only time they change...is once we pull out and stop helping.</p><p></p><p>This doesnt mean we stop letting them know we love them. It means we 100% get out of their ways. Does it always help them?</p><p></p><p>No. But second, third, nine chances, money, enabling etc....i have never seen it work, at least not on this forum.</p><p></p><p>So. ..think about it when you want to "help." Think if it worked yet. If nothing changes, nothing changes.</p><p></p><p>Thanks, SS. Good to hear from you. Sorry the news is not better.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 723844, member: 1550"] Nope, it doesnt work to just take care of them and hope they respond and listen. If your adult child has strep throat or the flu or even cancer, TLC is very helpful and welcome by most adult children. Addiction and general abusive behavior (due to any reason) does NOT NOT NOT respond to our kindness and nurturing. In fact it teaches them new ways to manipulate us, abuse us, use us. It doesnt help them be better people. I have been here for so long...i forget. Over a decade. Not one story of a parent nursing an addict and bathing him in kindness has ended wirh the addict or borderline or narcicistic child suddenly turning it around. It is after we have gotten tough that many turn around. Our money, our homes, our deals with them, our over talking, our pushing, our suggesting, our begging, our warm food, gift cards, clothing, crying, our hearts breaking for them...it seems to work against addicts and those with no motivation/personality problems. The more we give, the more they want. I bring this up too from time to time. It is in every way against our mother hearts not to nurture and help, yet usually the only time they change...is once we pull out and stop helping. This doesnt mean we stop letting them know we love them. It means we 100% get out of their ways. Does it always help them? No. But second, third, nine chances, money, enabling etc....i have never seen it work, at least not on this forum. So. ..think about it when you want to "help." Think if it worked yet. If nothing changes, nothing changes. Thanks, SS. Good to hear from you. Sorry the news is not better. [/QUOTE]
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