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Another Weekend Ruined b4 Starting...
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<blockquote data-quote="WSM" data-source="post: 266976" data-attributes="member: 5169"><p>Thank you, thank you. You don't know how much your time and words help.</p><p> </p><p>I was very anxious to tell husband. But it went well. I just told him the facts, pleasantly and neutrally. Then backed off. He agreed difficult child probably took off to spend the money he had. But thought maybe difficult child didn't steal it, maybe it was given to him (altho we can't think of anyone who would). I said I hoped we could have a good weekend. And it was all right. </p><p> </p><p>Fortunately, tonight we had a counseling session and we discussed it. Therapist said he has to still have consequences without the expectation of results, because there will not be change. We discussed personalizing, and validating. She touched on enabling.</p><p> </p><p>When we got home we found out where difficult child got the money. It turns out it was mine.</p><p> </p><p>difficult child's driver came late this morning and I had to go to work before he came. Son17 was watching him. When the van came, he saw difficult child pick something up hurredly and went out. difficult child was picking up dollar bills and coins. Son17 made him give him the money; it fell out of my van. Apparently difficult child didn't give son all the money back, and since the van was waiting, son17 was not thorough (and it was dark).</p><p> </p><p>So difficult child had some money for the first time in a long time and when he was dropped off, took off for the candy store and had the bad luck just to run into me driving through the neighborhood on a shortcut home. </p><p> </p><p>He was picked up, came up with his weird story.</p><p> </p><p>So this is what's confusing: he acted reasonably (if not honorably), taking an advantage of an opportunity, maybe was a bit impulsive by not thinking thru the fact that he probably wouldn't get home in time not to be caught, but he's a kid and with the lure of candy before him, he was a bit impulsive, this isn't necessarily a sign of mental illness. Then he got caught and lied. easy child kids could very easily do what he did today.</p><p> </p><p>Then he lied. The fact that he lied was just human normal kid behavior, but his way of lying was indicative of some pretty weird thinking. </p><p> </p><p>husband asked him why he ran off today. difficult child just stared and wouldn't answer. Long long silence. I said, "What did you tell me the reason was." He answered: "I didn't want to come home." I said: "And what did you tell me the reason was." And he said: "Because I didn't want to be in my desk." (new answer--but just as weird. I wrote about him being in his desk a short while ago). "But what was the answer you told me." He said: "That I didn't want to have my stomache burst."</p><p> </p><p>husband didn't say anything. This was on our way to counselling (difficult child sits in the waiting room). </p><p> </p><p>Nobody makes difficult child go into his desk. He just does. husband has told him not to. So what's this 'making him go into his desk' business?</p><p> </p><p>This is where I think maybe he is hearing voices or having delusions. But I don't know. I don't know. See if you wanted to fake crazy, would this be what you thought up? I don't think so, it doesn't feel like faking here. It feels like real mental illness. Just as the running off felt like very convincing normal 'bad kid' behavior.</p><p> </p><p>Actually, when we got back from counseling, husband took difficult child to his room and right in front of him difficult child crawled into the desk. He broke it earlier, knocking the side out, so it fits better <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" />frowny<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" />. I had just heard from son17 about how difficult child found the money.</p><p> </p><p>I joined husband in difficult child's room and said, "Did you find the money from the ground by the tree?" difficult child said no. "Son17 said you did." difficult child: "I had to give him all it back." I said: "But you kept some anyway, you didn't give it <em>all</em> back." difficult child said: "No, I gave it all back. I had no money today. I didn't know I had any money in my pocket. I didn't know any fell out. I didn't keep any of it. I gave it all back."</p><p> </p><p>And he says it so poised, so calm, cool, collected, looking you flat in the eye, not exactly staring you down, but slightly challenging, pleasant and non emotional, very firmly, very self assuredly, and with a look in his eye that raised the hair on the back of your neck. I've read descriptions of the 'psychopath stare', his face <em>changes</em>, he looks like an adult, except his eyes are flat and black, not brown. It's deeply unnerving. This is the part where I'm convinced he's got some very clear emerging anti social personality disorder elements going on.</p><p> </p><p>But as he was saying this, he was backing into his desk drawer. So you see how confusing it is: all the elements mixed in, un-untangle-able: mental illness, disobedient opportunistic kid, and personality disorder.</p><p> </p><p>And 5 mm of lexapro is supposed to help this?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WSM, post: 266976, member: 5169"] Thank you, thank you. You don't know how much your time and words help. I was very anxious to tell husband. But it went well. I just told him the facts, pleasantly and neutrally. Then backed off. He agreed difficult child probably took off to spend the money he had. But thought maybe difficult child didn't steal it, maybe it was given to him (altho we can't think of anyone who would). I said I hoped we could have a good weekend. And it was all right. Fortunately, tonight we had a counseling session and we discussed it. Therapist said he has to still have consequences without the expectation of results, because there will not be change. We discussed personalizing, and validating. She touched on enabling. When we got home we found out where difficult child got the money. It turns out it was mine. difficult child's driver came late this morning and I had to go to work before he came. Son17 was watching him. When the van came, he saw difficult child pick something up hurredly and went out. difficult child was picking up dollar bills and coins. Son17 made him give him the money; it fell out of my van. Apparently difficult child didn't give son all the money back, and since the van was waiting, son17 was not thorough (and it was dark). So difficult child had some money for the first time in a long time and when he was dropped off, took off for the candy store and had the bad luck just to run into me driving through the neighborhood on a shortcut home. He was picked up, came up with his weird story. So this is what's confusing: he acted reasonably (if not honorably), taking an advantage of an opportunity, maybe was a bit impulsive by not thinking thru the fact that he probably wouldn't get home in time not to be caught, but he's a kid and with the lure of candy before him, he was a bit impulsive, this isn't necessarily a sign of mental illness. Then he got caught and lied. easy child kids could very easily do what he did today. Then he lied. The fact that he lied was just human normal kid behavior, but his way of lying was indicative of some pretty weird thinking. husband asked him why he ran off today. difficult child just stared and wouldn't answer. Long long silence. I said, "What did you tell me the reason was." He answered: "I didn't want to come home." I said: "And what did you tell me the reason was." And he said: "Because I didn't want to be in my desk." (new answer--but just as weird. I wrote about him being in his desk a short while ago). "But what was the answer you told me." He said: "That I didn't want to have my stomache burst." husband didn't say anything. This was on our way to counselling (difficult child sits in the waiting room). Nobody makes difficult child go into his desk. He just does. husband has told him not to. So what's this 'making him go into his desk' business? This is where I think maybe he is hearing voices or having delusions. But I don't know. I don't know. See if you wanted to fake crazy, would this be what you thought up? I don't think so, it doesn't feel like faking here. It feels like real mental illness. Just as the running off felt like very convincing normal 'bad kid' behavior. Actually, when we got back from counseling, husband took difficult child to his room and right in front of him difficult child crawled into the desk. He broke it earlier, knocking the side out, so it fits better (:frowny:). I had just heard from son17 about how difficult child found the money. I joined husband in difficult child's room and said, "Did you find the money from the ground by the tree?" difficult child said no. "Son17 said you did." difficult child: "I had to give him all it back." I said: "But you kept some anyway, you didn't give it [I]all[/I] back." difficult child said: "No, I gave it all back. I had no money today. I didn't know I had any money in my pocket. I didn't know any fell out. I didn't keep any of it. I gave it all back." And he says it so poised, so calm, cool, collected, looking you flat in the eye, not exactly staring you down, but slightly challenging, pleasant and non emotional, very firmly, very self assuredly, and with a look in his eye that raised the hair on the back of your neck. I've read descriptions of the 'psychopath stare', his face [I]changes[/I], he looks like an adult, except his eyes are flat and black, not brown. It's deeply unnerving. This is the part where I'm convinced he's got some very clear emerging anti social personality disorder elements going on. But as he was saying this, he was backing into his desk drawer. So you see how confusing it is: all the elements mixed in, un-untangle-able: mental illness, disobedient opportunistic kid, and personality disorder. And 5 mm of lexapro is supposed to help this? [/QUOTE]
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