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Anxiety/Serious Phobia Issue
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 307370" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>I've done the therapy for this already. psychiatrist and I worked intensively on it. Guess I should've said that this PTSD orginally had me to where I couldn't leave the house or ride in a car at all. My reactions in a car at that point were so severe that I'd nearly cause the driver to have an accident.</p><p> </p><p>Me driving again at all is a <strong><em>huge</em></strong> accomplishment. And I still have moments when the anxiety will hit me straight out of the blue and I have to talk myself out of it....or find a way to struggle thru it until it passes. I had that happen twice this week driving on the rural highway to school. Those moments I can handle.....even if it means pulling off the road until it passes. I can't do that on a freeway. </p><p> </p><p>I've spent 6 yrs attempting to desensitize myself out of this using the awesome techniques of the psychiatrist. And while I'm better than I was a few years ago.....yeah, no where near the point where I think I could drive it myself. I go to cincy whenever easy child invites me, grit my teeth, try to force myself to keep my eyes open...... I do the same in Dayton.....a place I'm very familiar with as husband and I used those freeways daily almost......and it just doesn't get me anywhere. The only real progress is that I've stopped screaming and withdrawing to the floor board.</p><p> </p><p>Odd thing. I've no fear whatsoever of death. psychiatrist and I looked long and hard at this to attempt to figure out what it is that I'm afraid of. Death wasn't it. It's the <strong><em>excruciating pain</em></strong> that went along with the accident the last time, the fear of feeling that again......it went on for hours without pain medications while careflighted from one hospital to the other and God only knows how many docs and tests to check me out before they felt it safe enough to give me pain medications. Usually the mind forgets the pain in any real sense. You know it hurt alot, but you don't normally recall the intensness of it. Unfortunately I do......and it's got my brain stuck in Fight or Flight.</p><p> </p><p>No fear of death because when I was lying on the pavement with the very real probability of dying....I wasn't the least bit afraid of it. (it was weird, but very true)</p><p> </p><p>I've conquered or found ways to cope with all of the situations that trigger the response...except this one. Maybe it's because the fear was already there before the accident, I dunno. But 6 yrs hasn't really improved it.</p><p> </p><p>Wasn't an issue until the clinicals because I wasn't planning on working anywhere near a large city. Plenty of places around here to choose from. </p><p> </p><p>I'll figure it out. I have to ask the instructors when our pediatrician clinicals start. Usually they're pretty far into the clinical part because they want you to be a bit more experienced before they turn you loose on kids. lol There is one instructor (uber nice lady) who I think will understand as she has the same thing with bridges. If nothing else maybe she can help me come up with ideas. Or maybe she'll know a medication for the anxiety that won't make my brain turn to mush.<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/faint.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":faint:" title="faint :faint:" data-shortname=":faint:" /></p><p> </p><p>Can't stay in cincy as we also have classes at school other days during the week. Plus no one in the program is from there and I don't know anyone who lives there. So no go there.</p><p> </p><p>I <strong><em>will</em></strong> find a way. I'm stubborn like that. lol Even if I have to make a family member ride with me while we make the trip a zillion times with me driving on weekends before clinical starts. I'd just rather not die in the effort....sort of defeats the purpose. lol <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/tongue.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":tongue:" title="tongue :tongue:" data-shortname=":tongue:" /></p><p> </p><p>I'm glad I found out about this at this point where I can work on a solution. If they'd sprang it on us at the last minute I'd have freaked. Surely out of 21 students I can find at least one person willing to carpool if I offer to pay the gas.</p><p> </p><p>Thanks for the suggestions........and for making me feel not so pathetic about this. I know psychiatrist believes it's mostly due to the brain injury, but I've never really been like this and even all these years later it's hard to accept.</p><p> </p><p>Hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 307370, member: 84"] I've done the therapy for this already. psychiatrist and I worked intensively on it. Guess I should've said that this PTSD orginally had me to where I couldn't leave the house or ride in a car at all. My reactions in a car at that point were so severe that I'd nearly cause the driver to have an accident. Me driving again at all is a [B][I]huge[/I][/B] accomplishment. And I still have moments when the anxiety will hit me straight out of the blue and I have to talk myself out of it....or find a way to struggle thru it until it passes. I had that happen twice this week driving on the rural highway to school. Those moments I can handle.....even if it means pulling off the road until it passes. I can't do that on a freeway. I've spent 6 yrs attempting to desensitize myself out of this using the awesome techniques of the psychiatrist. And while I'm better than I was a few years ago.....yeah, no where near the point where I think I could drive it myself. I go to cincy whenever easy child invites me, grit my teeth, try to force myself to keep my eyes open...... I do the same in Dayton.....a place I'm very familiar with as husband and I used those freeways daily almost......and it just doesn't get me anywhere. The only real progress is that I've stopped screaming and withdrawing to the floor board. Odd thing. I've no fear whatsoever of death. psychiatrist and I looked long and hard at this to attempt to figure out what it is that I'm afraid of. Death wasn't it. It's the [B][I]excruciating pain[/I][/B] that went along with the accident the last time, the fear of feeling that again......it went on for hours without pain medications while careflighted from one hospital to the other and God only knows how many docs and tests to check me out before they felt it safe enough to give me pain medications. Usually the mind forgets the pain in any real sense. You know it hurt alot, but you don't normally recall the intensness of it. Unfortunately I do......and it's got my brain stuck in Fight or Flight. No fear of death because when I was lying on the pavement with the very real probability of dying....I wasn't the least bit afraid of it. (it was weird, but very true) I've conquered or found ways to cope with all of the situations that trigger the response...except this one. Maybe it's because the fear was already there before the accident, I dunno. But 6 yrs hasn't really improved it. Wasn't an issue until the clinicals because I wasn't planning on working anywhere near a large city. Plenty of places around here to choose from. I'll figure it out. I have to ask the instructors when our pediatrician clinicals start. Usually they're pretty far into the clinical part because they want you to be a bit more experienced before they turn you loose on kids. lol There is one instructor (uber nice lady) who I think will understand as she has the same thing with bridges. If nothing else maybe she can help me come up with ideas. Or maybe she'll know a medication for the anxiety that won't make my brain turn to mush.:knockedout: Can't stay in cincy as we also have classes at school other days during the week. Plus no one in the program is from there and I don't know anyone who lives there. So no go there. I [B][I]will[/I][/B] find a way. I'm stubborn like that. lol Even if I have to make a family member ride with me while we make the trip a zillion times with me driving on weekends before clinical starts. I'd just rather not die in the effort....sort of defeats the purpose. lol :raspberry-tounge: I'm glad I found out about this at this point where I can work on a solution. If they'd sprang it on us at the last minute I'd have freaked. Surely out of 21 students I can find at least one person willing to carpool if I offer to pay the gas. Thanks for the suggestions........and for making me feel not so pathetic about this. I know psychiatrist believes it's mostly due to the brain injury, but I've never really been like this and even all these years later it's hard to accept. Hugs [/QUOTE]
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