Any parents children physically disabled with-ODD , bi-polar ?

Discussion in 'Special Ed 101' started by HHAT419, Apr 28, 2018.

  1. HHAT419

    HHAT419 New Member

    I’m the mother of 3 children . 20 , 15 and 14 .
    My 15 year old daughter has Spina Bifida and a few other physical challenges. She is paralyzed and incontinent bowel and bladder .
    She has ODD and bipolar. Cognitively she’s normal just immature for her age.
    I’m struggling! My oldest and youngest moved in with the Dad 1/31 mostly due to my 15 year olds emotional abuse and lack of respect for anyone or anything.
    We are involved with every local community agency and she is in counseling and on medication. None of it is working.
    She is disrespectful and defiant at school . 5 in school suspensions and 1 5 day out of school suspension for assault with her chair .
    She acts sick to get sent home . She treats her home health aides like crap.
    She runs her chair into my walls and makes homes and refuses to cooperate with anything not her idea.

    I’m doing this alone . Working 40+ hrs and going to school . I have 0 Family or friends that can handle her and she refuses to go to her Dad’s .
    I went to CPS yesterday because I’m to the point I can’t and won’t continue to live this way . I feel like a prisoner and that I’m be terrorized by a child . She has me wanting to give up everything I’ve worked so hard for .

    I need to know I’m not alone and suggestions on what I can do that will actually resolve this nightmare.
     
  2. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    I feel sorry for you and your daughter. She sounds very angry and bitter. Bipolar Disorder plus a devastating physical problem like spinal bifada at age 15 is a bad combination. She bangs her chair into things because she's miserable and wants everyone else to be miserable. She wants to see your reaction when she does that. She's using the chair as an assault weapon, as you said. She wants to release her anger. Do you think her medications are making any difference at all? Are you sure she's taking them, or spitting them out like my uncle does once his caregiver turns around. I know you would do anything to make her happy, but she's miserable and maybe has resigned herself to be that way.

    Regardless of your schedule and exhaustion level, please try to make social connections to keep yourself sane. Get counseling for yourself also. When you're working full-time and coming home to deal with this, it makes it hard to call up a friend or get on a Facebook support page and admit you're melting down. There are people who can be strong for you when you feel like you cannot be strong.
     
  3. Helpless29

    Helpless29 Member

    Im sorry you are going through this, I can relate ,my son is 15 with ODD bipolar & substance abuse issues. My post just yesterday was of him going into a rage & breaking almost everything in his room because I woudnt let him use the labtop. I’m giving his dad full legal custody of him & he is currently living with him & as bad as I feel saying this , it is a huge relief not to go through it everyday. This site has helped me get through alot . Is there social worker you can reach out to? Maybe the family courts to help with troubled youth? I know I did not get help from them but maybe where you live ,you may have better luck. I feel like you , nothing has helped my son and the medication has not controled his aggression . Please keep us posted. Keep posting this site will really help you!
     
  4. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    I can not imagine the frustration both you and your daughter are feeling. Unfortunately she seems to be taking her frustration out on others and mostly you. I agree you need to get services for you and you need to find a way to have some time for yourself and with your other children. Has she ever been admitted to a mental health facility? Is there a residential school that would take her? If you talk to cys or the other people you are working with maybe they are not aware you would take that option. Prayers

    I found this link
    http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/134/4/836
     
  5. BeauSoleil

    BeauSoleil New Member

    ME!!!!! We adopted our son, who is now 11, from China. He has Spina Bifida, incontinent bowel and bladder also. He was presented as "cognitively normal" and " no behavioral issues". He was five when we adopted him. To say we have been through hell is an understatement.

    He does the same thing with his chair. Slams it into everything, and into people. Pins his sister with Down Syndrome in a corner with it. He has Conduct Disorder, Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), PTSD and severe self injurious behaviors. He rips his diapers off on purpose and soaks his chair, or his bed, whatever works at the moment. He smears feces.

    I feel your pain sister. Here for you if you need me.
     
  6. OTE

    OTE Guest

    Hopefully someone will move this from Special Education to general forum

    Sorry that I see this differently.

    Hhat...

    Yes, take care of yourself first. No question.

    This is going to sound harsh and I apologize for that....but I want you to re-think your life.
    I wonder if maybe you need a wake-up call

    She is 15 and cognitively normal. She knows that she has taken the sibs away from you. She intentionally destroys property and is abusive. How long are you going to let her do this to you? Why are you letting her victimize you? Yes, she's angry and frustrated. Why do you let her take it out on you?

    What does she think is going to happen when she's 18? Are you going to put her in some sort of group home at 18? Does she know you can now?

    Does she love her sibs and want them to love her?

    She's a teen now and needs to make choices for her life. Where does she want to be? At what point can she control her behavior? Will she choose to control it if SHE's going to lose her home? She doesn't choose to control it so her sibs can live in their home. Will she do so for her own? What does she care about? What will she do to keep it?

    I was forced to let mine destroy my life and his sibs life till he was 18. I made it clear to him that the day he turned 18 it was over. As it worked out, it was due to a rage at 1 a m the morning of his bd that I had him removed. He's 28 now and accepts responsibility for himself. His behavior is somewhat better and certainly fine to his sibs and I.

    My point is that you have not referred to any boundaries. While it may be horribly difficult to do, you can have her removed. Physical disability does not preclude her from a psychiatric placement. Have you reviewed your options with the professionals involved? Are you sacrificing your mental health?

    Sorry but maybe you need to re-think and look at new options on everyone's behalf.

    And yes, I lost my career with all those calls to come get him. In my case from police. The school ones ended in middle school with alternative school placements.