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<blockquote data-quote="trinityroyal" data-source="post: 160996" data-attributes="member: 3907"><p>Shari,</p><p></p><p>With regard to the bathing suit thing, that's a toughie. Perhaps a frank talk about looking and feeling good in your body and in your clothes might no go amiss. Since she wants friends, could you talk to her about how she is perceived by others when she wears clothes that are inappropriate for her body?</p><p></p><p>We had a somewhat similar situation with difficult child a couple of years ago. Here's what we did:</p><p></p><p>My difficult child used to have such a hard time letting go of his little-kid clothes. I would bag them up for the Goodwill and he would steal the bags back, and then change into them. We're talking a 6 ft tall 16-year-old wearing clothes for an 8 yr old. The way I explained it to him was:</p><p style="margin-left: 20px"><em>I know that you like to wear these things, but it's hurting you. The clothes don't fit you properly. That shirt is too short. It doesn't even come down to your waist. 16-year-old boys don't wear shirts like that, and the other kids will tease you. Those shorts are too short and too tight. They are designed for a little boy's body and they are showing too much of you that is meant only for private times. The other kids will pick on you. </em></p> <p style="margin-left: 20px"></p> <p style="margin-left: 20px"><em> What is it you like about the clothes? They're soft. Okay, so how about if we take the shorts and T-shirts that fit you and wash them in double-fabric softener to make them softer? Then you can still wear soft things, but not invite bullying from the other children.</em></p> <p style="margin-left: 20px"><em></em></p> <p style="margin-left: 20px"><em></em></p><p>With regard to wee difficult child and your husband, I don't see why he can't just say Yes. difficult child happliy calls me Mom and I call him my son, even to people who have known his egg donor longer than they've known me. People can tell that he's not my bio son (I'm black, he's white), but I don't really care. He's MY boy.</p><p></p><p>Trinity</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trinityroyal, post: 160996, member: 3907"] Shari, With regard to the bathing suit thing, that's a toughie. Perhaps a frank talk about looking and feeling good in your body and in your clothes might no go amiss. Since she wants friends, could you talk to her about how she is perceived by others when she wears clothes that are inappropriate for her body? We had a somewhat similar situation with difficult child a couple of years ago. Here's what we did: My difficult child used to have such a hard time letting go of his little-kid clothes. I would bag them up for the Goodwill and he would steal the bags back, and then change into them. We're talking a 6 ft tall 16-year-old wearing clothes for an 8 yr old. The way I explained it to him was: [INDENT][I]I know that you like to wear these things, but it's hurting you. The clothes don't fit you properly. That shirt is too short. It doesn't even come down to your waist. 16-year-old boys don't wear shirts like that, and the other kids will tease you. Those shorts are too short and too tight. They are designed for a little boy's body and they are showing too much of you that is meant only for private times. The other kids will pick on you. [/I] [I] What is it you like about the clothes? They're soft. Okay, so how about if we take the shorts and T-shirts that fit you and wash them in double-fabric softener to make them softer? Then you can still wear soft things, but not invite bullying from the other children. [/I][/INDENT]With regard to wee difficult child and your husband, I don't see why he can't just say Yes. difficult child happliy calls me Mom and I call him my son, even to people who have known his egg donor longer than they've known me. People can tell that he's not my bio son (I'm black, he's white), but I don't really care. He's MY boy. Trinity [/QUOTE]
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