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Anyone else feel quite like this?
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<blockquote data-quote="Babbs" data-source="post: 72340" data-attributes="member: 3820"><p>I still joke that my son saves his "best" behavior for me. Day care and school has NEVER seen the rages in the extremes like I've had to cope with. As a child of divorced parents, my son has had to not only cope with his AD/HD but also all the trauma and emotional garbage that comes along with not having both parents. Changing my response and how I addressed issues with him helped - but I also had to remind myself repeatedly that he acts out with me for a few other reasons.</p><p></p><p>He knows I'm not going away. But he's afraid that I'll disappear like his dad did. On some level he's testing those limits to make sure that I'm not going away. </p><p></p><p>On some level he also knows that I love him, I'll always love him, and so he can let go of the frustration etc with me and I'll still love him. It <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> for me and my frustration level, but I've also had to step back and remind myself that it's a normal stage of grieving for children of divorce.</p><p></p><p>Kitty, have you ever tried using the "neutral" face with her? When she starts to tantrum, back off, count to 10 (or 20 if you need it) and when you speak to her again make yourself have a "flat" affect face. Try to keep a poker face on - no emotion etc. This is a technique that I've used with kids that I work with at school - it lets them know I'm not angry and helps me stay calm with them. It's hard to do with your own child, especially at first, but it's a good trick.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Babbs, post: 72340, member: 3820"] I still joke that my son saves his "best" behavior for me. Day care and school has NEVER seen the rages in the extremes like I've had to cope with. As a child of divorced parents, my son has had to not only cope with his AD/HD but also all the trauma and emotional garbage that comes along with not having both parents. Changing my response and how I addressed issues with him helped - but I also had to remind myself repeatedly that he acts out with me for a few other reasons. He knows I'm not going away. But he's afraid that I'll disappear like his dad did. On some level he's testing those limits to make sure that I'm not going away. On some level he also knows that I love him, I'll always love him, and so he can let go of the frustration etc with me and I'll still love him. It :censored: for me and my frustration level, but I've also had to step back and remind myself that it's a normal stage of grieving for children of divorce. Kitty, have you ever tried using the "neutral" face with her? When she starts to tantrum, back off, count to 10 (or 20 if you need it) and when you speak to her again make yourself have a "flat" affect face. Try to keep a poker face on - no emotion etc. This is a technique that I've used with kids that I work with at school - it lets them know I'm not angry and helps me stay calm with them. It's hard to do with your own child, especially at first, but it's a good trick. [/QUOTE]
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