Yes I fully understand people stare, they make comments, they whisper behind your back. While my difficult child does not have a physical disability his whole life has met with stares, rude comments and just plain ignorance. First, it was all his raging, then, once we got the raging somewhat under control, through the miracle of modern medication, the Aspie whole body stimming and loudness and yes, even some raging continued. Now, it's all those things plus the fact that he's a very big boy, husky, well obese even, from all the medications over the years. Picture this, you are walking through the grocery store difficult child decides to take off and find something he wants, all of a sudden you hear a loud panicked voice yelling at the top of his lungs, mom....mom...Mom...Mom...MOM...M.O.M...M.
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.M as this obese 6ft tall manboy runs through the store searching for his mommy. It's not a big grocery store but he panics when he can't find me, he has such severe anxiety. In the beginning, I used to get so very embarrassed, I used to be a shy, quiet person with my own anxiety issues pre-difficult child. difficult child is totally oblivious to other people so he doesn't even notice or care what others are doing. Me, on the other hand, I used notice, I used to even care. At some point, you become like an M & M, hard outer shell, with a soft inside. In time, your friend will also get her own hard outer shell and she won't notice anymore either. In many ways, it's been a blessing to me having this child that is different. I have broken through that feeling of caring what others think (I was raised in a time with a mother that believed you needed to care what the neighbours thought). I could not give a rat's asp what others think now, the people you see out in public, what are the odds you are ever going to see them again. They don't mean anything, they are just part of the landscape, when you walk away, or drive away, it's like the end of a chapter in a book. I have even managed to confront a few people in public by asking them directly "what are you staring at", "didn't your mother teach you it's rude to stare", they are meaningless rude people. Having this child that is different has been such a growth experience for me............it's truly a blessing.
