Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Lothlorien, May 15, 2008.

  1. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    My friend has a severely handicapped son, after a very severe accident. She's frustrated with the stares, even at children's hospital. I want to get her a "stop staring and just ask me" button or t-shirt. Anyone have any ideas? People just GAWK!
  2. 4sumrzn

    4sumrzn New Member

    Wow, I can only imagine how how bothersome that must be. I don't have any ideas right off, but will start thinking about some (maybe an idea for myself too.....I get all kinds off stares & comments when I'm out with difficult child) ;)
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Have you checked out for tee shirts dealing with that specific disability? They have tons of shirts, hats, buttons etc with the cutest sayings on them.
  4. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

  5. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    I found a few on that site. I sent her the one that says....."Stare long enough and I might do a trick." She just emailed me back. She loves the stuff that I sent her and says she's going to get him a couple of those shirts. He's six. I told her she should get the one that says, chicks dig me for the ride!
  6. 4sumrzn

    4sumrzn New Member

    I'm so glad to hear you helped her out!
  7. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Loth - I saw that "keep staring" t-shirt a couple years ago and just kick myself for not getting it for Boo!!! It's just *perfect*. I haven't been able to find it in a brick store since.

    This is my all time favorite site - scroll to the bottom for t-shirts (argh, control V isn't working - it's, click on catalog, then scroll to bottom for shirts - warning, some are rather militant).

    Wish I could tell you the stares stop - they don't. What does happen is we learn to block out most of them. The people who's heads swivel still really burn my toast. I do tend to invite the children who gawk to come over to meet Boo. One more reason why I am adamant that there should be full inclusion for kids whose only "disability" is a severe physical one... but I shall not climb up on that soapbox again, LOL. I should probably invite the adults too but... they should have better sense. I *do* say in a very LOUD voice, when he's greeted someone and been ignored yet again, "BOO, HOW POLITE OF YOU TO SAY "HI" TO THAT WOMAN IN THE PINK FLOWERED DRESS WHO IS IGNORING YOU COMPLETELY".

    I think what ticks me off even more though is how Boo became invisible the second he got his first wheelchair (he was 3). One day everyone and his brother would ooh and ahh over how cute he was in his umbrella stroller with a Tumbleform insert (tow headed kid with a wicked smile, glasses, blazing blue eyes) and *the very next day*... poof, he gets a chair and no one would make eye contact with him. So I had a shirt made that said in bright red letters "Aren't my new wheels great?!?!?" He's still pretty much invisible most of the time but he's also much better about speaking up - which completely freaks people out because his CP speech is about the worst I've ever heard, LOL.

    It's a long and eye-opening road.
  8. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    That is the BEST! Hey want to pimp my ride? (don't know if you've ever seen that show, but it's pretty amazing.)

    People are so insensitive. Bless his heart.

  9. tryinghard

    tryinghard New Member

    Yes, someone people are very insensitive.

    A few years ago I was at Disneyland and there were two able bodied young men helping a young man in a wheelchair (who appeared to have no control of movement from neck down) into one of the rides. It must have taken 15 minutes. Obviously, it held up the ride and everyone in line was "staring". I too was staring. My son said, "Mom, it is not polite to stare" He was right, but I was not staring out of rudeness I was staring out of awe. The three of them, and their bond as friends, moved me and I thought, "There are three wonderful young men with a great friendship".

    I would hope that most people were staring for the same reason...not meaning to be rude.

    Maybe some of the stares or not meant in a negative way? I know that is easy for me to say....but I like to look at things from a positive!

    I wish your friend and her son peace and a way to deal with the stares that make him feel comfortable.
  10. fuddleduddledee

    fuddleduddledee New Member

    Yes I fully understand people stare, they make comments, they whisper behind your back. While my difficult child does not have a physical disability his whole life has met with stares, rude comments and just plain ignorance. First, it was all his raging, then, once we got the raging somewhat under control, through the miracle of modern medication, the Aspie whole body stimming and loudness and yes, even some raging continued. Now, it's all those things plus the fact that he's a very big boy, husky, well obese even, from all the medications over the years. Picture this, you are walking through the grocery store difficult child decides to take off and find something he wants, all of a sudden you hear a loud panicked voice yelling at the top of his lungs, as this obese 6ft tall manboy runs through the store searching for his mommy. It's not a big grocery store but he panics when he can't find me, he has such severe anxiety. In the beginning, I used to get so very embarrassed, I used to be a shy, quiet person with my own anxiety issues pre-difficult child. difficult child is totally oblivious to other people so he doesn't even notice or care what others are doing. Me, on the other hand, I used notice, I used to even care. At some point, you become like an M & M, hard outer shell, with a soft inside. In time, your friend will also get her own hard outer shell and she won't notice anymore either. In many ways, it's been a blessing to me having this child that is different. I have broken through that feeling of caring what others think (I was raised in a time with a mother that believed you needed to care what the neighbours thought). I could not give a rat's asp what others think now, the people you see out in public, what are the odds you are ever going to see them again. They don't mean anything, they are just part of the landscape, when you walk away, or drive away, it's like the end of a chapter in a book. I have even managed to confront a few people in public by asking them directly "what are you staring at", "didn't your mother teach you it's rude to stare", they are meaningless rude people. Having this child that is different has been such a growth experience for's truly a blessing.
  11. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    I find myself staring, sometimes, but I do it out of pure amazement sometimes. I usually smile at the parents. I've even found myself staring at my friend's son, but it's more just out of feeling pride about how well he's done. My heart soars to see him make the progress that he's made, so far.
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    VistaPrint will do a CUSTOM shirt with whatever saying you want - they say "free" but you pay shipping and handling. the one for my dad for Christmas was under $10 and VERY fast. I used one of their templates, they have all sorts of things.

    I am so sorry people are so insensitive. I know it bugs one of the mom's at church. I still don't know how her daughter was hurt, I just know she is a fun, sweet kid who loves to play!(haven't found out because just don't care!)