Apparel apparent

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Littleboylost, Nov 24, 2017.

  1. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Clothing Alert!!!
    all of a sudden no more Gangsta style low rider jeans!? I said I notice you are changing your style. He smiled and said it goes with the turf mom you can’t dress like a druggy if you don’t want to attract those kinds of people. Well all my thoughts and instincts are 100% confirmed. All the crap they tell us to gaslight us is just that gaslighting!

    Well it’s just still weird. Having s son home who is not drugged and is not inappropriately nuts over any little thing. One who eats...with us at the table...talks about how he understands why he needs a long term residential program. Talks about the reasons he started using drugs the way none of which are the same as when he was using. When he was usjf we were the cause, we were awful parents blah blah blah. Now he has begun to share stories and talk about his decent into drugs and addiction yes addiction. He gets it.

    He is still like a caged panther and can’t seem to consume enough sugar in his diet at the moment. I think that is a detox thing. I am rolling with that.

    I am so suspicious of everything and I am the one who sounds a bit nuts and inappropriate. He gets a bit upset but is then compliant with all his restrictions.

    We spent the morning decorating the house for Christmas. That was so much nicer than this time last year when Christmas cash was missing and he was missing and so agitated and strung out.

    Although he does have a girlfriend he is not obsessed or super clingy and this is a good change. That behaviour drove me crazy.

    I suggested he start a project where he take short video clips to chat about drugs, the progression into addiction and crime and the impact it has in his life and young people today. I suggested we may want to splice it all together and present it to the courts when he goes back after rehab. He really liked that idea.

    We had a very tense moment where he was using his phone supervised and he was deleting a chat group. One of his friends began harassing him about dumping all of his friends. He handled this very very well. He said it was not them it was him and he can not associate with people who do drugs because he has an addiction problem and this is his weakness not theirs. He was not judging just working on himself. He then blocked this person and had a discussion about them with me. He feels bad for this person as they do not have a family who cares or supports them at all. The parents ignore the drug behaviour and he fears this person will die. We had a long chat about not being able to help people who will not help themselves. He said he understands that but he is very sad.

    I feel bad because the more I am engaged with him the worse my PTSD gets. It is a process it will take time for both of us.

    Things we did today that we have not done in so long. We ate breakfast together, yes he was awake and up even though it was a PD day. We did homework WOW. We had civil conversations and we decorated for Christmas together.

    We discussed what he did with the money he stole. He said come on you know what I did with it I bought drugs and stupid :censored2:. Well he is being honest. He is building a repayment plan.

    Staying in the moment with a huge shotgun of what if in my back pocket. But for today it was a good day.
    • Optimistic x 4
    • Winner x 3
    • Like x 2
    • Friendly x 1
    • Useful x 1
    • List
  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    It is a process not a marathon. It will take time for trust to be restored. It will take time for son to make not drugging a permanent life choice. There will always be an awareness that things can change on a dime.
    • Winner Winner x 2
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  3. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    One day at a time LBL.
    I am glad for these moments with your son.
    It has been years since I have “seen” glimpses of my two.
    I think it is more than okay to be present in those moments you shared, and cherish them.
    You have been through enough to have your guard up and understand that things can go south.
    You are seasoned enough to know what to do.

    For now, what a difference!

    Thank you so much for sharing.
    I will live vicariously by your moments and hope the same for my two, maybe one day, there will be some tender moments to be enjoyed.
    It is good LBL.
    I am so happy for you and your family.
    Prayers that your son keeps forging ahead.

    • Friendly Friendly x 4
    • Like Like x 1
    • List
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Great news! One of the first signs that my daughter had really changed was when we went to Chicago to see her and she was no longer in all black clothes and black makeup (goth). I teased her about it and she said "I just escaped the crazies in Wisconsin. I dont want to attract them in Illinois." It is a good sign when they dont dress to identify with that culture. She was also well groomed and looked like my beautiful daughter again.

    Your son may have really turned a corner! I hope very much that jail was his rock bottom and that he doesnt want to go there again. Enjoy this!
  5. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Thanks Pasa, SWOT, and Leafy;

    It is tough and touching at the moment. I know it will be a very long time for both of us to truly turn the corner.

    Happy for today, hopeful for E, and no expectations in the interim.
    • Like Like x 2
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  6. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    I am so happy to hear this LBL!

    One the big things I have noticed with my son over the last month, since his friends did the intervention, is that he is no longer blaming us.... what a relief. I think a part of me had begun to believe his narrative.

    Our son is also hanging with us much more, he watches tv with us, eats with the last years he couldn’t stand being around us very long. He has no phone until this last week, and he didnt seem to miss it. He also moved out of his druggie appartment and so far has only gone back once to get clothes. He also doesn’t hang out with those people anymore. We are seeing a person we have not seen in a very long time. He has joined the student council and he even has an odd job at the campus tomorrow. We are over the moon. It’s the first job he has had in years, as he has been dealing.

    I pray for both of us the changes are real.

    Hugs xoxo
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 4
    • List
  7. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    CB I am so very happy to hear this! Live in the moment and accept the joy of having the son you love back and improving. One day at a time.

    Will your son seek any form of rehab assistance to help with his substance use issues?

    We take son to intake Interview at Portage on Tuesday. There may be a wait for a bet but it should be weeks not months.

    Enjoy your son!
    • Like Like x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  8. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet


    So happy you had your real son there to decorate this year! What a blessing that is for you. You have certainly earned this time. Maybe he really did get "scared straight" by being in jail! If so, it was SO worth it all!!


    So happy to hear your son has improved. Hopefully your holidays will be brighter this year!

    • Friendly Friendly x 3
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  9. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    Son is going to his school counsellor and is on the list to see an addiction counsellor. He is also going to AA.

    He has been going to school and this is a huge difference for him. He has never gone this long. He also says it’s the first time he has liked it. The Arts community is more inclusive and I think he feels less judgment. He seems to have finally found a place he feels ok.

    Taking it a day at a time
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 3
    • Useful Useful x 1
    • List
  10. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member


    So glad to hear about Portage
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
    • List
  11. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I am so happy to hear this news CB. You are in my thoughts and I am hoping for continued success. Perhaps the intervention for your son and the jail scare for mine will be what turns them around.
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
    • List
  12. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    I am so very happy for you LBL. Your dear son seems to be seeing the light.

    I hope he will become a beacon of light for others as he matures and recovers, most of all for you and his dad.
  13. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    lbl. all great news. what blessings!

    when things ease up for you i would love to hear what he is saying about his descent into drugs.

    he sounds like such a thoughtful, self-aware young man.

    all of this in a little more than a week?
  14. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Copa it’s all hope and no expectations. One day st a time. One day is good another is bad. He is not going to sustain any level of recovery without long term rehab.