Clothing Alert!!! all of a sudden no more Gangsta style low rider jeans!? I said I notice you are changing your style. He smiled and said it goes with the turf mom you can’t dress like a druggy if you don’t want to attract those kinds of people. Well all my thoughts and instincts are 100% confirmed. All the crap they tell us to gaslight us is just that gaslighting! Well it’s just still weird. Having s son home who is not drugged and is not inappropriately nuts over any little thing. One who eats...with us at the table...talks about how he understands why he needs a long term residential program. Talks about the reasons he started using drugs ....by the way none of which are the same as when he was using. When he was usjf we were the cause, we were awful parents blah blah blah. Now he has begun to share stories and talk about his decent into drugs and addiction yes addiction. He gets it. He is still like a caged panther and can’t seem to consume enough sugar in his diet at the moment. I think that is a detox thing. I am rolling with that. I am so suspicious of everything and I am the one who sounds a bit nuts and inappropriate. He gets a bit upset but is then compliant with all his restrictions. We spent the morning decorating the house for Christmas. That was so much nicer than this time last year when Christmas cash was missing and he was missing and so agitated and strung out. Although he does have a girlfriend he is not obsessed or super clingy and this is a good change. That behaviour drove me crazy. I suggested he start a project where he take short video clips to chat about drugs, the progression into addiction and crime and the impact it has in his life and young people today. I suggested we may want to splice it all together and present it to the courts when he goes back after rehab. He really liked that idea. We had a very tense moment where he was using his phone supervised and he was deleting a chat group. One of his friends began harassing him about dumping all of his friends. He handled this very very well. He said it was not them it was him and he can not associate with people who do drugs because he has an addiction problem and this is his weakness not theirs. He was not judging just working on himself. He then blocked this person and had a discussion about them with me. He feels bad for this person as they do not have a family who cares or supports them at all. The parents ignore the drug behaviour and he fears this person will die. We had a long chat about not being able to help people who will not help themselves. He said he understands that but he is very sad. I feel bad because the more I am engaged with him the worse my PTSD gets. It is a process it will take time for both of us. Things we did today that we have not done in so long. We ate breakfast together, yes he was awake and up even though it was a PD day. We did homework WOW. We had civil conversations and we decorated for Christmas together. We discussed what he did with the money he stole. He said come on you know what I did with it I bought drugs and stupid . Well he is being honest. He is building a repayment plan. Staying in the moment with a huge shotgun of what if in my back pocket. But for today it was a good day.