A friend of mine said something recently that shocked the daylights out of me. I totally disagree with her and she says I am either delusional or totally not in touch with what relationships are really like. She told me that every marriage has some occasions where the woman gets physically hurt by the man, or in same sex marriages where the more feminine partner gets hurt. This came up because I commented on a bruise that looked like finger marks on her arm. Her husband got angry and wouldn't let her leave the room until she agreed with him. She told me that it is 'normal'. Is it? I have not EVER seen my father hurt my mother physically in any way. No, the one time he did hurt her it was to put pressure on a cut and he had to push really hard because it wouldn't stop bleeding and she ended up wtih stitches. The cut was caused by an accident and definitely was NOT caused by something that he did to her. I have asked other friendss and they do not disagree with her, though they say they don't really know. Some admit to having been hurt by their spouses and some don't. husband would NEVER raise a hand to me. We have been together and been married over 20 years. Physical violence is not part of our relationship and after growing up with gfgbro it was one of a very few totally non-negotiable things I demanded from a relationship. We do not hurt each other if we can avoid it. Period. Esp not physically, but we try to not hurt each other emotionally either. My friends all tell me that our relationship is the exception. Why would this be normal? Why would so many people tolerate this? Or are they the ones who do not know what normal is? I know my family has our share of dysfunction,and gfgbro and I were violent with each other. It is why he is not in my life. Is physical violence a reality in most relationships? Are husband and I such an exception? Several of my friends flat out do not believe that husband has not hit me in some way during our years together. I find that bizarre, but know that I could not tolerate a relationship with someone who hurt me physically.