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Are you a people pleaser? You may be and not know it.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 653577" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>This list blew my mind as I continue to study the dynamics of families...the Golden Child, the Lost Child and the Scapegoat. I just found out one can be a scapegoat who speaks out and gets into trouble for it and also a people pleaser. I had to check "yes" to almost every single people pleaser trait. In my heart, if somebody says something about me, I believe it. I didn't even know I was supposed to or allowed to ever put myself first until I joined Codependents Anonymous and, although I got accused of it, I didn't. When I had a meltdown because I was not rightly medicated for my mood disorder, that was not being selfish...it was my illness. I did blame myself for everything that went wrong. I still have to fight that, but I'm a lot better now. Yes, I used to think I had to fix everyone, which is how I got into trouble often with my FOO. I spoke out in behalf of others and got blamed for it by both parties, but I felt I had to try.</p><p></p><p>The only two that don't fit me are the last two. I never did bury my feelings and perhaps could not control them enough until put on good medications. And there still is a risk that rarely happens now if I'm under extreme stress so that the medications can't work.</p><p></p><p>I don't believe I ever confused pity for love, however I did feel I had to care for others, such as my fist husband.</p><p></p><p>How about you. Any surprises?</p><p></p><p>Maybe I'm the only one interested in this. Happens a lot <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p></p><p><strong>Characteristics of People Pleasers: </strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><ol> <li data-xf-list-type="ol"><br /> <strong><br /> <ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">People Pleasers rarely consider their own needs, wants, and desires. </li> </ul><ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">People Pleasers take any criticism as fact, and immediately suffer a deflation in their own self-esteem.</li> </ul><ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">People Pleasers feel an extraordinary fear of abandonment.</li> </ul><ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">People Pleasers blame themselves for everything that ever goes wrong.</li> </ul><ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">People Pleasers are more concerned with others' feelings than their own.</li> </ul><ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">People Pleasers have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility, expecting of themselves magical abilities to fix the significant others' in their lives.</li> </ul><ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">People Pleasers learned early in their lives to bury their own feelings, needs, and wants, and keep them buried until they get help for their problems.</li> </ul><ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">People Pleasers chronically confuse pity with love and self-sacrifice with caring for others.</li> </ul></strong></li> </ol></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 653577, member: 1550"] This list blew my mind as I continue to study the dynamics of families...the Golden Child, the Lost Child and the Scapegoat. I just found out one can be a scapegoat who speaks out and gets into trouble for it and also a people pleaser. I had to check "yes" to almost every single people pleaser trait. In my heart, if somebody says something about me, I believe it. I didn't even know I was supposed to or allowed to ever put myself first until I joined Codependents Anonymous and, although I got accused of it, I didn't. When I had a meltdown because I was not rightly medicated for my mood disorder, that was not being selfish...it was my illness. I did blame myself for everything that went wrong. I still have to fight that, but I'm a lot better now. Yes, I used to think I had to fix everyone, which is how I got into trouble often with my FOO. I spoke out in behalf of others and got blamed for it by both parties, but I felt I had to try. The only two that don't fit me are the last two. I never did bury my feelings and perhaps could not control them enough until put on good medications. And there still is a risk that rarely happens now if I'm under extreme stress so that the medications can't work. I don't believe I ever confused pity for love, however I did feel I had to care for others, such as my fist husband. How about you. Any surprises? Maybe I'm the only one interested in this. Happens a lot ;) [B]Characteristics of People Pleasers: [/B] [LIST=1] [*] [B] [LIST] [*]People Pleasers rarely consider their own needs, wants, and desires. [/LIST] [LIST] [*]People Pleasers take any criticism as fact, and immediately suffer a deflation in their own self-esteem. [/LIST] [LIST] [*]People Pleasers feel an extraordinary fear of abandonment. [/LIST] [LIST] [*]People Pleasers blame themselves for everything that ever goes wrong. [/LIST] [LIST] [*]People Pleasers are more concerned with others' feelings than their own. [/LIST] [LIST] [*]People Pleasers have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility, expecting of themselves magical abilities to fix the significant others' in their lives. [/LIST] [LIST] [*]People Pleasers learned early in their lives to bury their own feelings, needs, and wants, and keep them buried until they get help for their problems. [/LIST] [LIST] [*]People Pleasers chronically confuse pity with love and self-sacrifice with caring for others. [/LIST][/B] [/LIST] [/QUOTE]
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Are you a people pleaser? You may be and not know it.
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