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Arrrrrrrggggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 313697" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>in my opinion things are too easy for him. I know he runs errands and stuff for you, but maybe the food card needs to not be in his possession. He is going to push this as far as he can. in my opinion he will push it a LOT farther than this.</p><p></p><p>For using the food card for his stuff? Go into the room and get it back. NOW.</p><p></p><p>YOUR food card paid for it. Not his. That means it is NOT his stuff. </p><p></p><p>THEN, since he is so concerned about keeping what is "his" safe, you go and get a long piece of chain at the hardware store or lowes. And a padlock. You put the chain through the handle on the fridge and lock it. You may need a 2nd one for the freezer.</p><p></p><p>If you can lock the pantry and soap/shampoo/toothpaste up, do so.</p><p></p><p>Ration ALL the things you want to give him.</p><p></p><p>If you buy a box of twinkies for him only let him have 1 a day - cause you don't want him eating them all at once. </p><p></p><p>It will be a nuisance. But then he can SEE how he and girlfriend are not contributing and so should not have. </p><p></p><p>Not fun, but it will be eye opening for him. </p><p></p><p>It may be that it opens up discussion.</p><p></p><p>Otherwise you should insist the bill money and rent be due the day he gets a paycheck. If he isn't working he hsould have thought about the bills before he quit. Hope he has enough savings or girlfriend earns enough to cover things.</p><p></p><p>He should have up until 5 days before the bill is due, so the 10th for the water bill. This will prevent him from making you late with the bill or paying overdraft charges.</p><p></p><p>Take the meat out of HIS diet - it is very expensive right now and, well, he can eat cereal and MAYBE bologna or cheap hot dogs.</p><p></p><p>Isn't that what many of us did/are doing in lean times? </p><p></p><p>I am sorry he is such a jerk about this. I can remember my bro doing the same thing. He and my dad had many a screaming fit about this.</p><p></p><p>Have you put your expectations in writing? The amount of rent, when it is due, penalties for late payment of any bill, who buys what food/shampoo/etc?? Make sure rent is high enough to cover the increase that comes with an extra body in the home. Make sure girlfriend pays rent too. If she and difficult child want to pool funds, fine. But they are each adults and each needs to be paying rent. </p><p></p><p>If it is in writing then he cannot wiggle. Late fees are late fees. "I am sorry you took a sick day/had an accident/tore a dress/lost a shoe. Yes, it is horrible and tough to scrape up money when things happen. The rent is still due on the 1st."</p><p></p><p>Practice that sentence. Make it sincere. You ARE sorry things are tight. But the rent is still due.</p><p></p><p>It is a life lesson - and an important one! Marg has some rules that she uses for her kids when they become adult. You might ask her what they are - she has suggested them on PE a few times and I cannot remember them.</p><p></p><p>Many hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 313697, member: 1233"] in my opinion things are too easy for him. I know he runs errands and stuff for you, but maybe the food card needs to not be in his possession. He is going to push this as far as he can. in my opinion he will push it a LOT farther than this. For using the food card for his stuff? Go into the room and get it back. NOW. YOUR food card paid for it. Not his. That means it is NOT his stuff. THEN, since he is so concerned about keeping what is "his" safe, you go and get a long piece of chain at the hardware store or lowes. And a padlock. You put the chain through the handle on the fridge and lock it. You may need a 2nd one for the freezer. If you can lock the pantry and soap/shampoo/toothpaste up, do so. Ration ALL the things you want to give him. If you buy a box of twinkies for him only let him have 1 a day - cause you don't want him eating them all at once. It will be a nuisance. But then he can SEE how he and girlfriend are not contributing and so should not have. Not fun, but it will be eye opening for him. It may be that it opens up discussion. Otherwise you should insist the bill money and rent be due the day he gets a paycheck. If he isn't working he hsould have thought about the bills before he quit. Hope he has enough savings or girlfriend earns enough to cover things. He should have up until 5 days before the bill is due, so the 10th for the water bill. This will prevent him from making you late with the bill or paying overdraft charges. Take the meat out of HIS diet - it is very expensive right now and, well, he can eat cereal and MAYBE bologna or cheap hot dogs. Isn't that what many of us did/are doing in lean times? I am sorry he is such a jerk about this. I can remember my bro doing the same thing. He and my dad had many a screaming fit about this. Have you put your expectations in writing? The amount of rent, when it is due, penalties for late payment of any bill, who buys what food/shampoo/etc?? Make sure rent is high enough to cover the increase that comes with an extra body in the home. Make sure girlfriend pays rent too. If she and difficult child want to pool funds, fine. But they are each adults and each needs to be paying rent. If it is in writing then he cannot wiggle. Late fees are late fees. "I am sorry you took a sick day/had an accident/tore a dress/lost a shoe. Yes, it is horrible and tough to scrape up money when things happen. The rent is still due on the 1st." Practice that sentence. Make it sincere. You ARE sorry things are tight. But the rent is still due. It is a life lesson - and an important one! Marg has some rules that she uses for her kids when they become adult. You might ask her what they are - she has suggested them on PE a few times and I cannot remember them. Many hugs. [/QUOTE]
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