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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 669041" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I have been reading along, Lil. I find it remarkable how similar are our sons. </p><p></p><p>Here are my thoughts: While will-meaning of Sis, it was a set-up for your son from the beginning, whatever her motivations.</p><p></p><p>There seems to have been a reservoir of mistrust that erupted. That is too bad. Your son alone is not totally responsible, I think. There is responsibility enough to be shared. </p><p></p><p>However your son may may act he is an adult. He was the earner. I can see how he felt. The rules were onerous. It could never have succeeded. </p><p></p><p>I would have felt put upon from the outset. </p><p></p><p>To have had any chance of success the rules needed to have been explained in front, when there was consent. There might then have been a chance.</p><p></p><p>Your son does not yet understand that he will only have voice and control as an adult where he takes responsibility. He speaks and understands still as a child. Where his only role is to individuate and to protest resisting adults who take responsibility for him. Where he has a right to protest, without the need to understand.</p><p></p><p>Your son is so young, still. He will learn. The only question is how much damage will be done while he learns. </p><p></p><p>You are doing an impossible thing, really, really well. If my admiration counted to help, you would have a much easier time.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 669041, member: 18958"] I have been reading along, Lil. I find it remarkable how similar are our sons. Here are my thoughts: While will-meaning of Sis, it was a set-up for your son from the beginning, whatever her motivations. There seems to have been a reservoir of mistrust that erupted. That is too bad. Your son alone is not totally responsible, I think. There is responsibility enough to be shared. However your son may may act he is an adult. He was the earner. I can see how he felt. The rules were onerous. It could never have succeeded. I would have felt put upon from the outset. To have had any chance of success the rules needed to have been explained in front, when there was consent. There might then have been a chance. Your son does not yet understand that he will only have voice and control as an adult where he takes responsibility. He speaks and understands still as a child. Where his only role is to individuate and to protest resisting adults who take responsibility for him. Where he has a right to protest, without the need to understand. Your son is so young, still. He will learn. The only question is how much damage will be done while he learns. You are doing an impossible thing, really, really well. If my admiration counted to help, you would have a much easier time. [/QUOTE]
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