Lil, you are in the thick of it right now. He is driving you nuts with way too much information and you are charged with sitting there and taking it and doing nothing.
It is the hardest thing in the world.
Take care of you today. If you end up doing something, okay, so be it.
This game is not about perfection. It is about watching someone you love beyond all measure self-destruct and not being able to do one single thing to affect a change.
I went to my usual Sunday morning Al-Anon meeting yesterday. A woman was there for the first time, her first meeting. At the end, she got up the courage to share about her 32 year old son who lives three states away who is a heroin addict and yesterday was homeless, and driving her nuts to send $75 for food because he is starving, and not taking no for an answer. I talked to her for a long time after the meeting and we shared stories.
She is sick and tired and ready to get of the merry-go-round. She is done. We talked about how that doesn't mean you have to cut off all contact, and if you end up caving in again and doing something, that's okay too.
No matter what she does or does not do, her one action or inaction is NOT going to be the catalyst for anything.
I learned the hard way that his way back would not be through me. It just wasn't going to be.
That took me off the hook, once I truly realized that.
Stepping back is a process. It takes a long, long time. But by stepping back, we give change a true chance.
Your son is a survivor and I'm betting that he will come through this to another plateau, and who knows, that might be the next step for real change in his life. We never know. There is always hope.
Take care of you. That is your #1 job. Warm hugs this morning.