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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 669122" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I have already posted in once, but I will just do this one little post more.</p><p></p><p>So, there was a mom here who gave us the imagery of sitting on our lips. Basically, that means we get to listen, but not give advice. We get to say, "Oh, I'm sorry that happened, honey." Or we could even say, "Gosh. I wonder why Aunty would think something like that."</p><p></p><p>But I would stick with, "Oh, I'm sorry that happened."</p><p></p><p>It was hard for me to do that. I was used to rushing in and validating whatever reality the kids were presenting. Then, I would be mad at whoever it was, too. Because that is the next step. This is part of that feeling of "I don't know." It is very hard not to engage Lil, but it did help my kids. I could see myself as someone it was safe for them to validate their realities against without judging them for what the reality was. That meant I could not go either way. Unless there was a specific, factual piece of information I could provide, I could only say all those things I said in my earlier post to you.</p><p></p><p>The point is that whatever happened in the past, the question is where he is going to take it, now.</p><p></p><p>That imagery of sitting on my lips helped me.</p><p></p><p>The Anne Lamott prayer, "Help! Thanks! Wow!" helped me, because I could say it really quick the whole time I was on the phone.</p><p></p><p>I would say things about shelters and where there were free dinners. I looked all that information up, because it was the only way I could give the situation back to whatever child it was.</p><p></p><p>There was not one easy thing about any of it.</p><p></p><p>But it does seem to have helped our kids.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 669122, member: 17461"] I have already posted in once, but I will just do this one little post more. So, there was a mom here who gave us the imagery of sitting on our lips. Basically, that means we get to listen, but not give advice. We get to say, "Oh, I'm sorry that happened, honey." Or we could even say, "Gosh. I wonder why Aunty would think something like that." But I would stick with, "Oh, I'm sorry that happened." It was hard for me to do that. I was used to rushing in and validating whatever reality the kids were presenting. Then, I would be mad at whoever it was, too. Because that is the next step. This is part of that feeling of "I don't know." It is very hard not to engage Lil, but it did help my kids. I could see myself as someone it was safe for them to validate their realities against without judging them for what the reality was. That meant I could not go either way. Unless there was a specific, factual piece of information I could provide, I could only say all those things I said in my earlier post to you. The point is that whatever happened in the past, the question is where he is going to take it, now. That imagery of sitting on my lips helped me. The Anne Lamott prayer, "Help! Thanks! Wow!" helped me, because I could say it really quick the whole time I was on the phone. I would say things about shelters and where there were free dinners. I looked all that information up, because it was the only way I could give the situation back to whatever child it was. There was not one easy thing about any of it. But it does seem to have helped our kids. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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