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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 669171" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Lil hang in there. It is so exhausting. So exhausting.</p><p></p><p>And if there truly was something to do that would turn things around or spark a new direction, then of course it would be the next thing to try.</p><p></p><p>But for most of us, like many have posted, we have already tried that and all it did was further engage us in a fruitless effort, and there is a cost to us. And truly, there is a cost to them. When we do this over and over, thinking and hoping and praying that this time, this time, they are ready to hear or we can create some new combination of words...we are spending our energy and their energy on what I believe is a pathway to more nothing. Instead of getting out of the way so they can navigate new territory. It is their path. It is their journey. It is senseless to us.</p><p></p><p>We cannot know or understand another person's walk and course and path. </p><p></p><p>When they call us and text us and message us again and again, telling us their problems and laying them at our feet, only to reject everything we say, and then to call again and again to do the same dance with us over and over, this is torture and it gets nobody anywhere. </p><p></p><p>We tolerate the torture because we can't stand not to. We love them so much. We just want some contact even if it is this kind of contact.</p><p></p><p>They do it because they get something from it. I don't pretend to know what that something is.</p><p></p><p>But I don't believe it helps. Being able to say, simply, I'm sorry, I love you and I am sure you will figure it out, is the kindest thing we can do. It is so hard to do when we want to point out so so many things. To ask so many questions. To offer ideas...just...one...more...time.</p><p></p><p>They already know. They know and they don't want to do it. There is no magic set of words to change their course. They have to do it.</p><p></p><p>You guys are doing great. It is so so so hard. We are here for you. Hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 669171, member: 17542"] Lil hang in there. It is so exhausting. So exhausting. And if there truly was something to do that would turn things around or spark a new direction, then of course it would be the next thing to try. But for most of us, like many have posted, we have already tried that and all it did was further engage us in a fruitless effort, and there is a cost to us. And truly, there is a cost to them. When we do this over and over, thinking and hoping and praying that this time, this time, they are ready to hear or we can create some new combination of words...we are spending our energy and their energy on what I believe is a pathway to more nothing. Instead of getting out of the way so they can navigate new territory. It is their path. It is their journey. It is senseless to us. We cannot know or understand another person's walk and course and path. When they call us and text us and message us again and again, telling us their problems and laying them at our feet, only to reject everything we say, and then to call again and again to do the same dance with us over and over, this is torture and it gets nobody anywhere. We tolerate the torture because we can't stand not to. We love them so much. We just want some contact even if it is this kind of contact. They do it because they get something from it. I don't pretend to know what that something is. But I don't believe it helps. Being able to say, simply, I'm sorry, I love you and I am sure you will figure it out, is the kindest thing we can do. It is so hard to do when we want to point out so so many things. To ask so many questions. To offer ideas...just...one...more...time. They already know. They know and they don't want to do it. There is no magic set of words to change their course. They have to do it. You guys are doing great. It is so so so hard. We are here for you. Hugs. [/QUOTE]
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