Assistant Principal just called....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by buddy, Jan 6, 2012.

  1. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Q refused to leave the class swing....the swing is a big deal issue with him, why dont they put one in his room? Anyway.... here is what I think is going on....and yes, much of it is totally my fault this time...

    This morning I was not very patient. Q did not wait for me to unlock the inside lock on the chain and he opened the door and pulled hard which stripped the screws out (and we rent plus I dont want him to do that....) So I took away the game he was bringing to school (totally stupid and I know it) and said if he said anything mean to me I would throw it away.

    I hate it when I screw up like that. I was just not in any had been 45 minutes of constant foot pounding, feeding the dog candy, blurting words (I could ignore that pretty easily) shoving me as he walked by, etc. And for some reason I just could not shut up. I had to just pull the you better stop mode out.

    I have not felt great for a couple of days and have been up since very early with a stomach ache and just didn't have any mature moments during this.

    I called the sp ed admin since I knew I could get him....and wanted someone before the bus got there. I told him he might be obsessively worried about my getting rid of the game. Please give him an OUT and allow him to call and work it out with me...we have done that with other things and it was fine. It took it off his mind.

    He said sure.

    So asst principal called and said he wouldnt' ge tout of the chair, wouldn't stop swearing ("Wouldn't") and so they called for help, whenthe bell rang he went just fine... stuck to the schedule. He took a key (welll he is in fight flight, and they are supposed to have the keys locked up because he always takes them.... no one uses them during school so they are to keep them in a drawer now... I think they should have a bunch of fake keys out so he can just take some)

    but then he is in poking the mat with the key. So asst principal said he is gonna call me... a few seconds later the psychiatric came in with the key... Q gave it up when they said they were gonna call.

    Q knows I am stressed about the phone calls. I try not to say anything around him but I heard him on the stairs and found out he was sitting at the bottom when I was hiding upstairs to call in private (when talking to the mn law center). I told him we are just working all together to make a good school plan for him. He knows I was talking about everything though.

    So, now I feel so guilty.

    I did ask though, has mr sp ed talked to Q. did he tell anyone what was going on. they always tell me to be sure to call if there is anything int he I call. I always do. but mr sp ed is no where to be found and he never told anyone.

    I asked asst principal to please get him and have him talk with Q (he is also the one who helped when Q worked things out with the girl he likes etc.) This could have been shut down before it ever started. I get so frustrated.

    I will say though... asst principal said that he is not out of control, just stuck and they did not think I needed to come in at this point. HE was just giving me a heads up.

    I am in this middle point of wanting to throw in the towel for MY sake but that is not fair to Q. he needs an education and I am not in a position to home school him with all of our own issues. We would be great if there was no school work. Just really tired of myself and this stuff.
  2. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Buddy... Sorry to hear you are human :)
    I really hear you... Your reaction this morning was so understandable (so "normal") and yet the trouble with our kind of children is that they take everything so to heart (I got stupidly and unfairly cross with J during the night because he refused to pee when I woke him... and then this morning he was so "difficult" - but that's another story). Of course Q might have had a difficult day anyway, over another issue.
    It sounds defeatist but I guess you just have to accept for the duration that Q is going to continually be in trouble at school and they are continually going to be ringing you... how completely understandable that you feel like throwing in the towel now! But, as you say, unwise to do so unless you have a solid Plan B in place.
    Wish I had better advice to give. I love the care and welcome you give Q and you have a good heart.
  3. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    Sorry to hear all this!
    I do think you need a brake from all this? Dont know your there any way some one can just look after Q for you to get a chance to just go and walk in a park or shoppingmall, or whatever works for you? It sounds as if you are to stuck in the middle to see the future? Sorry....I dont mean this critical.....I mean it in a caring way.....
    From what you posted it doesnt SOUND as bad as it might feel to you.....? But I do think you deserve a medal for all you do on your are a good mommy and you are trying your best.....and you are just will also get tired and frustrated.....we cant be therapeutic and mommy always at the same time.....and I do think Q knows you love him.....and this is most important....for him to feel save with your love! Hang in there.....this to will pass! Hugs!
  4. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Just a hug.
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Thanks Malika, yeah...ok pity party is over.

    Lovelyboy, He does love me and he knows I love him. You are right. I actually do get Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) services and they leave our home 4 hours three times a week. Of course, I have to keep my phone with me because there are times when they need my help or whatever...not the same as school though... they are alone so of course I back them up if he is having a hard time...they never break the plans or anything.. just that they are one on one.

    My worst times are when he is GONE... when he is at school. I type here a lot because I am on the phone, waiting for phone calls, running to appointments, setting things up, etc... so this is my release while I am doing that. Mornings stink because Concerta has not kicked in and he just has a hard time. I know this, and try really hard to not set down demands that will blow the day knowing that in one half hour, he will be a different kid and it proves that he really does not have the impulse control. I just blew it. I am not hating myself over it, just disappointed in myself for the moment.

    Yes, I am human...LOL... of course. Never have said differently.

    Still no call back from them, and they have not replied to my emails asking if things are better..... I want to go to the grocery store but you know darn well that is when they will call, when I have a cart full of stuff.
  6. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    No, but we have!
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    you are deluded. LOL

    (I think this board can help you with that too! haha)
  8. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    We're human, so are our difficult children. Now school admin? That's another story...
  9. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Doggone LIKE button is STILL missing!!!

  10. buddy

    buddy New Member

    needs to be added for sure!
  11. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Dee so sorry that you had such a hard morning. All of us have those days. I wasn't very nice to difficult child this morning when she was being so slow getting ready for PHP. I hate to say there was yelling from both sides. Not a proud moment. I wish you were able to get more of a break. Sometimes we just need that time. But like you I am more worried and stressed when difficult child is not here. Not that it makes sense. I hope everything went OK for the rest of the day, and that Q was settled by the time he got home. Hugs to you.
  12. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Buddy, I can see you have worked through all this without ME?!? Don't you just HATE it when we reach that point that is jjjjjuuuuussssssttttt past the end of our tolerance? I know I do. We get all guilty feeling, yada yada yada. I am glad to hear you are human. You had me wondering there for awhile. LOL Give me a call if you need to. Glad the rest of the day "apparently" went okay.

    ******Hey, Cheryl, We NEED a "LIKE" button on this forum too!!!
  13. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Well --- all I can say is welcome to the true world of warrior moms. :sick:

    *We fall flat on our faces, and do things only difficult children would do, because we live with them 24/7 and at some point their energy becomes ours.

    * We have so much PTSD over the phone ringing that we change the ring tone on our phones over and over to try and find a more melodic tone that will hopefully not send that jolt of adrenaline through our bodies when it rings (never works).

    *We are forever fed up with school administration - and we come to loathe the sight of a school, school bus, or school bells - let alone home room moms, and cupcakes.

    *Despite trying to proactively solve every single difficult child issue before they come up - we fail. Our punishment - the repercussions from their meltdown.

    *We can't even lie down for a nap, because the phone might ring, which causes massive anxiety in our chests, and makes us feels as if we can't breathe, and that we could die at any moment - and then where would difficult child be?

    *Every single other problem that crops up that is not difficult child related seems insurmountable.

    I could go on and on -- You know I am writing an entire novel about this - (LOL).

    There was a post awhile back I think on PE about how our difficult children changed our lives. You should try and find it if you can - because - the reality is that we do suffer both physical and mental consequences from having these kids. That cannot be changed. And it stinks - but it is what it is. It helps to have our board, knowing others are going through the same thing, maybe more - and that you are loved and supported. HUGS.
  14. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    <LIKE> Steely's post!!
  15. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I was teary reading your posts.

    I took Q to get a bite to eat, just couldnt face making anything... he was so awful thru the drive thru that I drove away. I went and got money to give his Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) worker to take him out to eat. He met us while and I went grocery shopping. I felt like I was walking thru the store in a dream. Very disconnected. I got an email from his teacher that said they had to clear the classroom because of Q's swearing and it was upsetting the kids. (that was teh phone call I got so I already knew that) I asked if they knew about the morning issue, she said yes it was communicated... BUT i think she means it was communicated AFTER the upset at school because vp already told me they didn't know about it.

    Q was super on edge like he has this high pitched scream he has added to his noises and total tantrum mode. It is crazy. I could give in to every single thing and it would only make him ask me for more. He gets like that when he is full of anxiety. Looks for things on the outside to calm him. HE kept asking me to start all over so we could have a good time ... I said sure, then not even a minute later he is pounding down the stairs saying I better do X or he is gonna be really mad. OK be mad. (not a good thing to say) but that is where I am today.

    SO glad he is gone right now. Too bad he comes back at 8. only 1.5 hours left. I put the groceries away so that is done. I am leaving the dishes. Just going to hang out here.

    On the bright side... he said he liked his auditory trainer... the audiologist brought it to school and they said that he knows that they put it on and take it off each day and it has to stay at school. but I asked, and he said it was really good and he liked it. he used it all afternoon.
  16. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    ((Hugs)) Buddy. I am so sorry that this has been such a hard day. I hope you had time to relax and take a breath before Q came home. And, I hope he is calmer and some of his anxiety has subsided by the time he came home.
  17. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Q came home in a great mood. He had missed Integrated Listening Systems (ILS)-E so much, with the holidays schedules got changed and times missed. E said he did an amazing job...this after I had to drive away with crazy boy in my car... shows how much of it is ME today. This has happened before when I am tired and not feeling well... I just dont have the extreme patience and ability to think ahead and head off things, and to let things roll off my back.

    He is being just normal Q tonight. I have to remember that this is his birthday weekend.... we are not having any big party, we just can't.... but he asked to go to MOA with me alone... pretty sweet actually. So, we will do that tomorrow.

    I plan to sleep well tonight so we can go and just have fun. I am promising myself to let him just have fun... not pick at him if he burps in public or farts in the car and laughs his head off... stuff like that that I usually let go and did not today.

    Thanks for listening.
  18. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Here's a bucket of <sweet dreams> to take to bed with you tonight...
  19. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    <LIKE> <LIKE> <LIKE> Insane's post!! Here's another bucket <(sweet dreams)>!!
  20. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    Buddy, hope you slept well!?
    I just want to tell you that even if this things is so tuff on you......all you share with us helps me so much!!!!
    Like my son also does the burping and farting and laughing afterwards!!!! I didnt think this could be part of his "illness"? But when you share does makes me wonder if this could maybe be coming from a neurological place.....because I thought its just bad, rude, spitefull behaviour!? But it really does sometimes seem as if he really "don't get it", that this is inappropriate!
    Hope your outing goeswell....when I am allone with difficult child I also just ignore the things that drives me nuts!!!!!!
    Ps.....My son ALSO does the high pitch screaming! I just really HATE own auditory sensitivity goes mad!!!!