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General Parenting
At end of rope with non diagnosed difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="JJJ" data-source="post: 268848" data-attributes="member: 1169"><p>Some great books that should be available at your local library:</p><p></p><p>The Explosive Child by Greene</p><p>The Defiant Child by Riley</p><p>Parenting the Hurt Child</p><p></p><p>Also, she sounds so lost at how to behave that a star at the end of the day might as well be a trip to the moon. I'll tell you what worked for us:</p><p></p><p><strong>The Instant Reward System</strong></p><p></p><p>Supplies: fanny pack for adult, portable clear plastic jar with lid, large clear plastic jar with lid (exactly large enough to hold all the chips--no bigger or smaller), 1000 poker chips</p><p></p><p>Method: you or whichever adult is in charge of her wears the fanny pack full of tokens; she starts with the small empty jar, every single time she does something appropriately, she gets a chip. Any time her small jar is full, she dumps it into the big jar. At the end of the day, she can count her chips and use them to buy a prize (dollar store toys work great). Do not give her a "goal" number as you want her to successfully earn a treat each day. This is a reward only system -- she cannot lose chips for being bad.</p><p></p><p>Typical Breakfast:</p><p></p><p>difficult child good job sitting in your chair, here's a chip.</p><p>difficult child good job pouring the cereal neatly, here's a chip.</p><p>difficult child, good job sitting so nice and tall, here's a chip.</p><p>difficult child good job smiling at your sister, here's a chip.</p><p>difficult child, I like that you are still sitting so nicely, here's a chip.</p><p>difficult child that was very polite asking for more, here's a chip.</p><p>difficult child good job cleaning your place, here's a chip.</p><p></p><p>At the beginning, she should be earning a 2-4 chips per minute when engaged in an activity and 1 every five minutes or so when watching tv, playing DS, etc (good sitting, good playing).</p><p></p><p>The idea is to mold her behavior by increasing the positive moments and squeezing out the negative moments. </p><p></p><p>If she misbehaves, she does not get any chips, but the minute she starts to get back on track</p><p></p><p>difficult child, good job taking deep breaths.</p><p>difficult child, good job sitting down.</p><p>etc.</p><p></p><p>She may cognitively know what behaviors you want but may not be developmentally able to perform them all of the time.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JJJ, post: 268848, member: 1169"] Some great books that should be available at your local library: The Explosive Child by Greene The Defiant Child by Riley Parenting the Hurt Child Also, she sounds so lost at how to behave that a star at the end of the day might as well be a trip to the moon. I'll tell you what worked for us: [B]The Instant Reward System[/B] Supplies: fanny pack for adult, portable clear plastic jar with lid, large clear plastic jar with lid (exactly large enough to hold all the chips--no bigger or smaller), 1000 poker chips Method: you or whichever adult is in charge of her wears the fanny pack full of tokens; she starts with the small empty jar, every single time she does something appropriately, she gets a chip. Any time her small jar is full, she dumps it into the big jar. At the end of the day, she can count her chips and use them to buy a prize (dollar store toys work great). Do not give her a "goal" number as you want her to successfully earn a treat each day. This is a reward only system -- she cannot lose chips for being bad. Typical Breakfast: difficult child good job sitting in your chair, here's a chip. difficult child good job pouring the cereal neatly, here's a chip. difficult child, good job sitting so nice and tall, here's a chip. difficult child good job smiling at your sister, here's a chip. difficult child, I like that you are still sitting so nicely, here's a chip. difficult child that was very polite asking for more, here's a chip. difficult child good job cleaning your place, here's a chip. At the beginning, she should be earning a 2-4 chips per minute when engaged in an activity and 1 every five minutes or so when watching tv, playing DS, etc (good sitting, good playing). The idea is to mold her behavior by increasing the positive moments and squeezing out the negative moments. If she misbehaves, she does not get any chips, but the minute she starts to get back on track difficult child, good job taking deep breaths. difficult child, good job sitting down. etc. She may cognitively know what behaviors you want but may not be developmentally able to perform them all of the time. [/QUOTE]
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