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At my wits end..new comer
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 612853" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>Though it is the hardest thing? You are doing the right thing, where your son and the drug-addled, street-wise, older girlfriend are concerned. While your son is choosing this lifestyle, you will need to be very clear, both with him and with yourself, about what you are willing to accept and what you refuse to accept. </p><p></p><p>You are handling everything with grace and tact, Echolette. I like it that you are setting clear boundaries with him. Good for you. It isn't easy. Nothing is easy about our situations. We do the best we know. We are not in control of anything, when it comes to our kids. It may be that your son will rethink his situation if he finds himself without family on the holidays. It is time for him to understand that there are consequences to his actions and choices.</p><p></p><p>This helped me through some pretty rough holidays: Like you, I hosted large family gatherings and loved it. When our son was not there, when I was so worried about him that I literally could not think the way I needed to, to do the family dinner thing, this is what I did. Well, there are two things, actually.</p><p></p><p>1) I set a full place for him in my bedroom, where no one else would see it. I could not face his empty place at the family table. It gave me a certain amount of comfort to do that. I don't know why ~ but there are times when I take what comfort I can, and am so grateful to have it.</p><p></p><p>2) I made a talisman of sorts from something of my son's. Something small, something that reminded me of him, that smelled the way he did before all this happened. I wrapped it in cloth (that part is important), and put it in a box.</p><p></p><p>Then, I put the box in a drawer.</p><p></p><p>When I was especially worried, when I was angry or scared or just so tired, I would take the box out of the drawer. I would open the box and unwrap the item. I would hold it, and think about my son, about what I needed him to do, about what I needed to say to him. Sometimes, I would cry. Sometimes, not.</p><p></p><p>Then, I wrapped the item, put it in the box, put the cover on, and put it in my drawer again.</p><p></p><p>It helped me, to do this.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes, it is just about getting through the day.</p><p></p><p>There was one more thing I did, during the holidays. I bought those electric candles you put in the windows at Christmas? And I lit them for my son. In my heart, I was waiting and watching for him to come home. That he didn't, did not hurt me as much, because those candles meant he might still see the light and come home.</p><p></p><p>Seems so silly, now.</p><p></p><p>But I lived.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 612853, member: 1721"] Though it is the hardest thing? You are doing the right thing, where your son and the drug-addled, street-wise, older girlfriend are concerned. While your son is choosing this lifestyle, you will need to be very clear, both with him and with yourself, about what you are willing to accept and what you refuse to accept. You are handling everything with grace and tact, Echolette. I like it that you are setting clear boundaries with him. Good for you. It isn't easy. Nothing is easy about our situations. We do the best we know. We are not in control of anything, when it comes to our kids. It may be that your son will rethink his situation if he finds himself without family on the holidays. It is time for him to understand that there are consequences to his actions and choices. This helped me through some pretty rough holidays: Like you, I hosted large family gatherings and loved it. When our son was not there, when I was so worried about him that I literally could not think the way I needed to, to do the family dinner thing, this is what I did. Well, there are two things, actually. 1) I set a full place for him in my bedroom, where no one else would see it. I could not face his empty place at the family table. It gave me a certain amount of comfort to do that. I don't know why ~ but there are times when I take what comfort I can, and am so grateful to have it. 2) I made a talisman of sorts from something of my son's. Something small, something that reminded me of him, that smelled the way he did before all this happened. I wrapped it in cloth (that part is important), and put it in a box. Then, I put the box in a drawer. When I was especially worried, when I was angry or scared or just so tired, I would take the box out of the drawer. I would open the box and unwrap the item. I would hold it, and think about my son, about what I needed him to do, about what I needed to say to him. Sometimes, I would cry. Sometimes, not. Then, I wrapped the item, put it in the box, put the cover on, and put it in my drawer again. It helped me, to do this. Sometimes, it is just about getting through the day. There was one more thing I did, during the holidays. I bought those electric candles you put in the windows at Christmas? And I lit them for my son. In my heart, I was waiting and watching for him to come home. That he didn't, did not hurt me as much, because those candles meant he might still see the light and come home. Seems so silly, now. But I lived. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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