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General Parenting
At my wits end with an out of control teen
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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 513271" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>Sending you welcoming hugs. Yikes! No wonder you are having a problem staying upbeat. I have rasied a bunch of teens and almost all were challenging in one way or another. on the other hand, I have not dealt with the issues you face so my post is not going to contain any expert advice. Likely, lol, I'll just ramble thru the thoughts that have come to mind. If nothing else it will clarify my understanding of your situation.</p><p></p><p>As I understand it:</p><p>Your daughter has not physically attempted to harm anyone.</p><p>Your daughter is determined to do what she wants to do when she wants to do it.</p><p>Your daughter likely has mental health issues but will not go to the Dr., and would not take medications if given.</p><p>Your daughter is a chronic liar and attention seeker.</p><p>Your daughter enjoys making life miserable for you and for her brother.</p><p>Your daugher is refusing to do schoolwork.</p><p> </p><p>In addition, as I understand her:</p><p>Your daughter is running away, doing her own thing and you fear she is using substances and perhaps is make poor sexual choices.</p><p>Her behaviors are not perceived as severe enough for outside interventions by authorities.</p><p>Addionally she has a loose canon bioDad who encourages her defiance.</p><p></p><p>If the above recap is accurate then obviously there is no quick fix. The only advice I can give you is to keep a daily record of each and every incident, threat, outburst on a daily basis. It sounds tedius but just make short entries as the day goes along. Remember to include peaceful times no matter how infrequent. There are a number of reasons for you to do this.</p><p>You want to document her choices. You want to protect yourself and other family members from retaliation. You "may" be surprised to see that there is a pattern of behavior that indicates she is not combative or defiant 100% of the time and that certain segments of the day or evening fall into typical teen actions. You "might" see that she leaves her brother alone during X time of day and that Y time is a good time to plan activities with your son that keeps him out of her way.</p><p></p><p>The daily record is not going to solve the problems...sad to say. on the other hand "sometimes" parents of challenging kids, been there done that, get so absorbed by the chaos that they don't see any of the acceptable behaviors. It's like staying on ready alert because you just know something bad is going to happen and the lulls between the storms are tensely spent wondering "what is going to happen next?" </p><p></p><p>I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. I'm hoping if you document that a pattern will emerge that can help you thru this storm of emotion. Wish I had more to offer. Hugs DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 513271, member: 35"] Sending you welcoming hugs. Yikes! No wonder you are having a problem staying upbeat. I have rasied a bunch of teens and almost all were challenging in one way or another. on the other hand, I have not dealt with the issues you face so my post is not going to contain any expert advice. Likely, lol, I'll just ramble thru the thoughts that have come to mind. If nothing else it will clarify my understanding of your situation. As I understand it: Your daughter has not physically attempted to harm anyone. Your daughter is determined to do what she wants to do when she wants to do it. Your daughter likely has mental health issues but will not go to the Dr., and would not take medications if given. Your daughter is a chronic liar and attention seeker. Your daughter enjoys making life miserable for you and for her brother. Your daugher is refusing to do schoolwork. In addition, as I understand her: Your daughter is running away, doing her own thing and you fear she is using substances and perhaps is make poor sexual choices. Her behaviors are not perceived as severe enough for outside interventions by authorities. Addionally she has a loose canon bioDad who encourages her defiance. If the above recap is accurate then obviously there is no quick fix. The only advice I can give you is to keep a daily record of each and every incident, threat, outburst on a daily basis. It sounds tedius but just make short entries as the day goes along. Remember to include peaceful times no matter how infrequent. There are a number of reasons for you to do this. You want to document her choices. You want to protect yourself and other family members from retaliation. You "may" be surprised to see that there is a pattern of behavior that indicates she is not combative or defiant 100% of the time and that certain segments of the day or evening fall into typical teen actions. You "might" see that she leaves her brother alone during X time of day and that Y time is a good time to plan activities with your son that keeps him out of her way. The daily record is not going to solve the problems...sad to say. on the other hand "sometimes" parents of challenging kids, been there done that, get so absorbed by the chaos that they don't see any of the acceptable behaviors. It's like staying on ready alert because you just know something bad is going to happen and the lulls between the storms are tensely spent wondering "what is going to happen next?" I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. I'm hoping if you document that a pattern will emerge that can help you thru this storm of emotion. Wish I had more to offer. Hugs DDD [/QUOTE]
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At my wits end with an out of control teen
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