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At our wits end with 23 year old son. Any advise welcome!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Littleboylost" data-source="post: 724133" data-attributes="member: 21895"><p>Hi CD Welcome </p><p>I am sorry you find yourself needing to be here. I am glad you found us all the same. </p><p></p><p>Dabbling in the drugs your son is involved with is a very dangerous thing. The change of friends groups is very concerning g as well. </p><p></p><p>Him not wanting to continue with school or work is not a good thing either. </p><p></p><p>Sending him on a medical mission at this point in time may be very risky. Especially if this is in another country. </p><p></p><p>My girlfriend too k he son away to Belize to help straighten him out and he was messing around with drugs and wound up in jail there. It till months and thousands of dollars to get him out of jail and back home. He is still messing around with drugs and they have stopped enabling him and out him out. </p><p></p><p>I have a son who had a drug problem. He is very young still in highschool. Even at his young age we put very stringent boundaries in place and he has been out of the home for continued to drug and steal from us. </p><p></p><p>He spent a week and a half in jail and is now out on home arrest waiting for a rehab bed. It took us this much detachment and struggle for him to realize he has a problem. </p><p></p><p>It is very challenging to deal with such issues with our children. I read a few books, go to a therapists and Naranon meeting. It helps a lot. </p><p></p><p>The books I have read are:</p><p>Don’t Let Your Kids Kill You</p><p>Codependent No More</p><p>Daiky Sesh book from Naranon</p><p></p><p>It have given me strength to love and not enable my son. </p><p></p><p>My husband and I were add odds about how to manage our son and it almost cost us our 30 year relationship. </p><p></p><p>I do hope you see a way to seek help and support each other. A united from is important when dealing with challenges with our children and adult children. </p><p></p><p>The aggressive and crazy behaviour is often the drugs having a negative impact on their personality. I would swear my son has Boarder Line Personaliry disorder when he is using drugs. He lies, steals, had crazy meltdowns and terribly disrespectful. When he is off the drugs that all goes away. </p><p></p><p>We are hoping for the best with no expectations moving forward. One day at a time. </p><p></p><p>I do hope you and your husband can find a common group to manage your son. I was asked once by my therapist “Would you tolerate this kind behaviour from a friend, another family member?” The answer for us was absolulty not. We put Boundsries and expectations in place and we stuck to our word. Anything else would have been contributing to his bad behaviour and addiction. We sold his car, he was using it to buy and sell drugs; we removed him from our insurance. We put him out of the house. We have called the police on him and had him arrested. With any luck if he makes it through rehab and is clean from drugs he may be able to escape this madness without a criminal record. </p><p>There is no rule book that comes along with dealing with such behaviour. We do what we feel is best and what our hearts can bear. One thing I do know is that our son recognizes he has a problem and is now willing to seek help for his substance abuse. Prior to setting kiddies in place and detaching with love he was off the rails. </p><p></p><p>There are a lot of parents here who have a lot of wisdom. I hope you find it helpful.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Littleboylost, post: 724133, member: 21895"] Hi CD Welcome I am sorry you find yourself needing to be here. I am glad you found us all the same. Dabbling in the drugs your son is involved with is a very dangerous thing. The change of friends groups is very concerning g as well. Him not wanting to continue with school or work is not a good thing either. Sending him on a medical mission at this point in time may be very risky. Especially if this is in another country. My girlfriend too k he son away to Belize to help straighten him out and he was messing around with drugs and wound up in jail there. It till months and thousands of dollars to get him out of jail and back home. He is still messing around with drugs and they have stopped enabling him and out him out. I have a son who had a drug problem. He is very young still in highschool. Even at his young age we put very stringent boundaries in place and he has been out of the home for continued to drug and steal from us. He spent a week and a half in jail and is now out on home arrest waiting for a rehab bed. It took us this much detachment and struggle for him to realize he has a problem. It is very challenging to deal with such issues with our children. I read a few books, go to a therapists and Naranon meeting. It helps a lot. The books I have read are: Don’t Let Your Kids Kill You Codependent No More Daiky Sesh book from Naranon It have given me strength to love and not enable my son. My husband and I were add odds about how to manage our son and it almost cost us our 30 year relationship. I do hope you see a way to seek help and support each other. A united from is important when dealing with challenges with our children and adult children. The aggressive and crazy behaviour is often the drugs having a negative impact on their personality. I would swear my son has Boarder Line Personaliry disorder when he is using drugs. He lies, steals, had crazy meltdowns and terribly disrespectful. When he is off the drugs that all goes away. We are hoping for the best with no expectations moving forward. One day at a time. I do hope you and your husband can find a common group to manage your son. I was asked once by my therapist “Would you tolerate this kind behaviour from a friend, another family member?” The answer for us was absolulty not. We put Boundsries and expectations in place and we stuck to our word. Anything else would have been contributing to his bad behaviour and addiction. We sold his car, he was using it to buy and sell drugs; we removed him from our insurance. We put him out of the house. We have called the police on him and had him arrested. With any luck if he makes it through rehab and is clean from drugs he may be able to escape this madness without a criminal record. There is no rule book that comes along with dealing with such behaviour. We do what we feel is best and what our hearts can bear. One thing I do know is that our son recognizes he has a problem and is now willing to seek help for his substance abuse. Prior to setting kiddies in place and detaching with love he was off the rails. There are a lot of parents here who have a lot of wisdom. I hope you find it helpful. [/QUOTE]
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At our wits end with 23 year old son. Any advise welcome!!
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