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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 657960" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>This is a poignant and provocative post hopeandjoy66, thank you for your candor and your willingness to be vulnerable, open and "authentic." </p><p></p><p>I believe becoming authentic is a major part of our job to grow awareness and consciousness and to be able to find ourselves in the midst of what others demand of us and what we've learned to demand of ourselves from our family of origin, from our culture, from our gender roles, our education and our self judgments and expectations, real or imagined. For me, it has been the most powerful part of learning to be whole, complete, healthy, awake, balanced and 'real.' It has been a journey of taking off masks I didn't know I was wearing, of taking risks to be vulnerable and real, of telling the truth and of showing up and taking a stand for who I am and what I want.</p><p></p><p>I am a product of mentally ill parents and I gave birth to a child who inherited similar qualities....finding out who I am as I picked through the remnants of their lives has been an expedition in learning what authenticity is rather than a "false persona," the inauthentic self designed to keep conflict at bay, to find a workable persona of a "good" person because my real persona was buried underneath layers of shoulds, fear, expectations, judgments and a lack of support in finding the true me........those around me had more of an investment in getting their needs met rather than supporting a child in finding her true self.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I believe this to be true as well. I spent a good amount of time looking at the lives of my parents and then my daughter, but it wasn't until I began looking at myself and my own internal landscape... <em>and became willing to change and heal, to own the harm my ignorance and inauthenticity caused, and to learn to forgive myself, accept myself and honor myself.......</em>that life in every single way began to shift in positive ways. Rooting out the dark places within, recognizing that my "roles" as daughter and parent were "stories" I had perfected over the years........a script of sorts where I played out my part......the "good mother," the "dutiful daughter", the "all giving character" who made no demands, whose power was limited to what I could do for others. My real SELF was struggling to survive without any support......even from me. </p><p></p><p>I sought help and a tribe of people showed up to assist me to birth my real self. It was an arduous journey letting go of who I thought I was........to bring forth who I am. It helps tremendously to find a "midwife" to strengthen that newly forming self. The false self is cunning and holds on tightly to it's roles, it is rigid and concretized, ........the real self is messy, vulnerable, open hearted, not so together........yet that openness and vulnerability opens the doors to let in the light, the laughter, the love, the playfulness, the colors, the richness, the beauty...........the realness...........</p><p></p><p>The experience with my daughter is what made the final "break" in my false self.......the struggle to hold on was just too great. That wonderful quote by Anais Nin really says it all....</p><p>"<em>And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>My belief is it is fear which hold us "tight in a bud" and fear is rampant in the world today. We are not alone in trying to find our authentic selves........and oddly, because of many of our backgrounds and our troubled kids, we may be "learning to blossom" more readily because we are seeking help and earnestly looking for ways to end the suffering within ourselves....... as opposed to waiting for our parents or our kids to change, <em>we are changing.........</em>we're learning to let go of so much, our family of origin in some cases, our kids, our own false persona, our old ways of perceiving life, our control, our judgements........and it's so hard to do.......however, all of that letting go creates an empty space where new life can flourish........where our real selves can grow and see the world with new eyes, eyes not shrouded by fear but clearly seeing the uncertainty, the messiness, the pain and the joy .......<em>and still remain true to ourselves in each and every moment. </em></p><p><em></em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 657960, member: 13542"] This is a poignant and provocative post hopeandjoy66, thank you for your candor and your willingness to be vulnerable, open and "authentic." I believe becoming authentic is a major part of our job to grow awareness and consciousness and to be able to find ourselves in the midst of what others demand of us and what we've learned to demand of ourselves from our family of origin, from our culture, from our gender roles, our education and our self judgments and expectations, real or imagined. For me, it has been the most powerful part of learning to be whole, complete, healthy, awake, balanced and 'real.' It has been a journey of taking off masks I didn't know I was wearing, of taking risks to be vulnerable and real, of telling the truth and of showing up and taking a stand for who I am and what I want. I am a product of mentally ill parents and I gave birth to a child who inherited similar qualities....finding out who I am as I picked through the remnants of their lives has been an expedition in learning what authenticity is rather than a "false persona," the inauthentic self designed to keep conflict at bay, to find a workable persona of a "good" person because my real persona was buried underneath layers of shoulds, fear, expectations, judgments and a lack of support in finding the true me........those around me had more of an investment in getting their needs met rather than supporting a child in finding her true self. I believe this to be true as well. I spent a good amount of time looking at the lives of my parents and then my daughter, but it wasn't until I began looking at myself and my own internal landscape... [I]and became willing to change and heal, to own the harm my ignorance and inauthenticity caused, and to learn to forgive myself, accept myself and honor myself.......[/I]that life in every single way began to shift in positive ways. Rooting out the dark places within, recognizing that my "roles" as daughter and parent were "stories" I had perfected over the years........a script of sorts where I played out my part......the "good mother," the "dutiful daughter", the "all giving character" who made no demands, whose power was limited to what I could do for others. My real SELF was struggling to survive without any support......even from me. I sought help and a tribe of people showed up to assist me to birth my real self. It was an arduous journey letting go of who I thought I was........to bring forth who I am. It helps tremendously to find a "midwife" to strengthen that newly forming self. The false self is cunning and holds on tightly to it's roles, it is rigid and concretized, ........the real self is messy, vulnerable, open hearted, not so together........yet that openness and vulnerability opens the doors to let in the light, the laughter, the love, the playfulness, the colors, the richness, the beauty...........the realness........... The experience with my daughter is what made the final "break" in my false self.......the struggle to hold on was just too great. That wonderful quote by Anais Nin really says it all.... "[I]And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." [/I] My belief is it is fear which hold us "tight in a bud" and fear is rampant in the world today. We are not alone in trying to find our authentic selves........and oddly, because of many of our backgrounds and our troubled kids, we may be "learning to blossom" more readily because we are seeking help and earnestly looking for ways to end the suffering within ourselves....... as opposed to waiting for our parents or our kids to change, [I]we are changing.........[/I]we're learning to let go of so much, our family of origin in some cases, our kids, our own false persona, our old ways of perceiving life, our control, our judgements........and it's so hard to do.......however, all of that letting go creates an empty space where new life can flourish........where our real selves can grow and see the world with new eyes, eyes not shrouded by fear but clearly seeing the uncertainty, the messiness, the pain and the joy .......[I]and still remain true to ourselves in each and every moment. [/I] [/QUOTE]
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