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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 198720" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Certainly we could make this available for NTs. That would come in with the different complexity for different abilities. </p><p></p><p>There are other board games which could 'donate' some of their ideas to this. Maybe we could bring out a board game first, or at least a hypothetical one!</p><p></p><p>Thanks for your comments, Lillyth. It's concerns like yours we need to cover as best we can. I would like to have something designed to help as many kids as possible.</p><p></p><p>As I said earlier, we're still refining this idea. It was husband's idea and even I am still trying to 'get it'.</p><p></p><p>So here is the latest, perhaps more detailed, description.</p><p></p><p>In the 'game' (for want of a better term), each person begins with, say, 9 Respect Points. There will be clear rules set out that need to be used, when interacting with someone with more Respect Points than you. Similarly, if someone has fewer Respect Points then these rules can be relaxed.</p><p></p><p>If you break the rules (which includes being impolite, showing disrespect, not saying "please" or "thank you") then you lose a Respect Point from your score. If you not only keep the rules but show added respect, you gain Respect Points.</p><p></p><p>People who are due more respect than others include those who are older and those with more experience. Often being older brings experience. People close in age are generally on the same Respect Points (depending on their behaviour). husband has proposed that for every ten years greater in age someone is, there should be one more Respect Point. If someone has considerably more experience in a particular area than someone else, then they have more Respect Points IN THAT TOPIC. </p><p></p><p>A good example happened yesterday - we had a flat battery in the car (my fault). Luckily not everybody had left the grounds of the miniature trains club. husband called out, "Does anyone have jumper leads?" and a couple of men responded. One in particular took charge. Meanwhile difficult child 3 began to fret - what if we couldn't get started? What if we were stuck? He watched as the older man manouvered his car to the best position. The jumper leads were too short, so he had to try again. And again. Meanwhile difficult child 3 began to offer advice, repeatedly. husband told him that his (difficult child 3's) idea wouldn't work. difficult child 3 suggested it again.</p><p>Eventually the older man said to difficult child 3, "I HAVE done this a few times before; let me get on with it."</p><p>difficult child 3 made the same suggestion again and tis time husband yelled at him, "SHUT UP!"</p><p>difficult child 3 retired, hurt.</p><p></p><p>As we drove off (having finally got started), husband explained to difficult child 3, using the Respect Points example. </p><p>"Son, let's say you have 9 Respect Points to begin with. So do I. So did Mr Brown. But I am 40 years older than you - that takes my Respect Points to 11. I've also done this jump-starting many times before - I'm experienced. That means that when it comes to jump-starting, I have another Respect Point, maybe two. Now, Mr Brown is another 20 years older than me. That's 60 years older than you. So he has three more points than you - 12. He is also a qualified engineer, so professionally that gives him another one, possibly two Respect Points. That takes him to 14. He's also done this many more times than even I have, so he would have to have at least one more respect Point than me, purely for experience in jump-starting cars. That takes Mr Brown to at least 16 or 17 Respect Points."</p><p>So far, difficult child 3 was with him. How to accurately assess how much experience earns how many points, was still an issue but it was obvious that Mr Brown was owed A LOT of respect form difficult child 3.</p><p>husband continued. "Now, that means you had 9 Respect Points, I had 12 or 13, Mr Brown had 16 or 17. Maybe more. And every time you made a suggestion AFTER being told it was not wanted, you LOST a Respect Point. When you finally had lost all your Respect Points, I yelled at you. I didn't want to yell at you, but you were doing yourself damage every time you opened your mouth and it was even making Mr Brown angry, and he NEVER gets angry. He's the calmest man I know."</p><p></p><p>husband also pointed out that difficult child 3 got Respect Points back by apologising, and also by thanking Mr Brown, unprompted.</p><p></p><p>We still haven't ironed out exactly how many points are due here or there, or how fast they get earned back. The rules need to be sorted also. If you do this for yourselves, you may have your own ideas. As tis gets used it will become easier to fine-tune how it works and to slowly sort out and fix any problems.</p><p></p><p>Another way of looking at this is with tokens. If we were playing this as a board game, then there would be a dish of tokens (like poker chips) which could be passed to a person, or taken away by a person, authorised by the game adjudicator (like the banker in Monopoly). Interestingly, arguing with the banker about how points get allocated would also lose you points! If you had a genuine grievance you could GAIN points by handling it well with diplomacy.</p><p></p><p>We're going to keep fiddling with this. I'm passing on the info to other people in our circle of friends, including therapist and family. </p><p></p><p>As I said before, all feedback welcome. Especially criticisms. Thank you to those who have responded so far.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 198720, member: 1991"] Certainly we could make this available for NTs. That would come in with the different complexity for different abilities. There are other board games which could 'donate' some of their ideas to this. Maybe we could bring out a board game first, or at least a hypothetical one! Thanks for your comments, Lillyth. It's concerns like yours we need to cover as best we can. I would like to have something designed to help as many kids as possible. As I said earlier, we're still refining this idea. It was husband's idea and even I am still trying to 'get it'. So here is the latest, perhaps more detailed, description. In the 'game' (for want of a better term), each person begins with, say, 9 Respect Points. There will be clear rules set out that need to be used, when interacting with someone with more Respect Points than you. Similarly, if someone has fewer Respect Points then these rules can be relaxed. If you break the rules (which includes being impolite, showing disrespect, not saying "please" or "thank you") then you lose a Respect Point from your score. If you not only keep the rules but show added respect, you gain Respect Points. People who are due more respect than others include those who are older and those with more experience. Often being older brings experience. People close in age are generally on the same Respect Points (depending on their behaviour). husband has proposed that for every ten years greater in age someone is, there should be one more Respect Point. If someone has considerably more experience in a particular area than someone else, then they have more Respect Points IN THAT TOPIC. A good example happened yesterday - we had a flat battery in the car (my fault). Luckily not everybody had left the grounds of the miniature trains club. husband called out, "Does anyone have jumper leads?" and a couple of men responded. One in particular took charge. Meanwhile difficult child 3 began to fret - what if we couldn't get started? What if we were stuck? He watched as the older man manouvered his car to the best position. The jumper leads were too short, so he had to try again. And again. Meanwhile difficult child 3 began to offer advice, repeatedly. husband told him that his (difficult child 3's) idea wouldn't work. difficult child 3 suggested it again. Eventually the older man said to difficult child 3, "I HAVE done this a few times before; let me get on with it." difficult child 3 made the same suggestion again and tis time husband yelled at him, "SHUT UP!" difficult child 3 retired, hurt. As we drove off (having finally got started), husband explained to difficult child 3, using the Respect Points example. "Son, let's say you have 9 Respect Points to begin with. So do I. So did Mr Brown. But I am 40 years older than you - that takes my Respect Points to 11. I've also done this jump-starting many times before - I'm experienced. That means that when it comes to jump-starting, I have another Respect Point, maybe two. Now, Mr Brown is another 20 years older than me. That's 60 years older than you. So he has three more points than you - 12. He is also a qualified engineer, so professionally that gives him another one, possibly two Respect Points. That takes him to 14. He's also done this many more times than even I have, so he would have to have at least one more respect Point than me, purely for experience in jump-starting cars. That takes Mr Brown to at least 16 or 17 Respect Points." So far, difficult child 3 was with him. How to accurately assess how much experience earns how many points, was still an issue but it was obvious that Mr Brown was owed A LOT of respect form difficult child 3. husband continued. "Now, that means you had 9 Respect Points, I had 12 or 13, Mr Brown had 16 or 17. Maybe more. And every time you made a suggestion AFTER being told it was not wanted, you LOST a Respect Point. When you finally had lost all your Respect Points, I yelled at you. I didn't want to yell at you, but you were doing yourself damage every time you opened your mouth and it was even making Mr Brown angry, and he NEVER gets angry. He's the calmest man I know." husband also pointed out that difficult child 3 got Respect Points back by apologising, and also by thanking Mr Brown, unprompted. We still haven't ironed out exactly how many points are due here or there, or how fast they get earned back. The rules need to be sorted also. If you do this for yourselves, you may have your own ideas. As tis gets used it will become easier to fine-tune how it works and to slowly sort out and fix any problems. Another way of looking at this is with tokens. If we were playing this as a board game, then there would be a dish of tokens (like poker chips) which could be passed to a person, or taken away by a person, authorised by the game adjudicator (like the banker in Monopoly). Interestingly, arguing with the banker about how points get allocated would also lose you points! If you had a genuine grievance you could GAIN points by handling it well with diplomacy. We're going to keep fiddling with this. I'm passing on the info to other people in our circle of friends, including therapist and family. As I said before, all feedback welcome. Especially criticisms. Thank you to those who have responded so far. Marg [/QUOTE]
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