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The Watercooler
AWESOME date night!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 242450" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>A strong suggestion on the topic of intimacy - you also need to have touching without expectations. What I mean by this - you need to build in cuddles which aren't expected to be taken any further. Otherwise if one or the other of you is used to cuddles ALWAYS leading to sex, and either of you is not always willing (sometimes we're too tired, or too busy) then you can quickly associate cuddles with "Oh no, here we go again." And cuddles should never be something you push away from.</p><p></p><p>husband & I cuddle a lot, and sometimes he reaches for a cuddle when I'm walking trough the room on the way to do something. I might have my hands full, or have something on my mind, maybe a mental list of things to do. But he is reminding me that we always must have a few seconds for each other. He always kisses me goodbye in the mornings, and when he gets home it's the same again. If we need to talk, sometimes we go to our bedroom and lock the door behind us. Often all we need to do is debrief from the day.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes we've had other people get a bit narky about our constant touching. We're not doing anything inappropriate, mostly just holding hands in public or one of us could have an arm around the other. But I've been told that some people see this and it makes THEM feel uncomfortable. Our view - tough. There's nothing inappropriate. At least, not in our culture. It's not as if we're in the back rows at church, snogging all through the sermon.</p><p></p><p>But the touching without expectations - very important. "I'm not starting something, I just wanted to give you a hug because I love you," is a really good way to make someone else feel good. We need this with our kids, too. </p><p></p><p>People who live alone because they've lost a life partner often report a sort of deep loneliness coupled with "skin hunger" because in their world they could mix with a lot of people but nobody ever touches them. A sexless but affectionate touch is so very valuable to the health and wellbeing of the individual. Sex is important too, but even more important - touch.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 242450, member: 1991"] A strong suggestion on the topic of intimacy - you also need to have touching without expectations. What I mean by this - you need to build in cuddles which aren't expected to be taken any further. Otherwise if one or the other of you is used to cuddles ALWAYS leading to sex, and either of you is not always willing (sometimes we're too tired, or too busy) then you can quickly associate cuddles with "Oh no, here we go again." And cuddles should never be something you push away from. husband & I cuddle a lot, and sometimes he reaches for a cuddle when I'm walking trough the room on the way to do something. I might have my hands full, or have something on my mind, maybe a mental list of things to do. But he is reminding me that we always must have a few seconds for each other. He always kisses me goodbye in the mornings, and when he gets home it's the same again. If we need to talk, sometimes we go to our bedroom and lock the door behind us. Often all we need to do is debrief from the day. Sometimes we've had other people get a bit narky about our constant touching. We're not doing anything inappropriate, mostly just holding hands in public or one of us could have an arm around the other. But I've been told that some people see this and it makes THEM feel uncomfortable. Our view - tough. There's nothing inappropriate. At least, not in our culture. It's not as if we're in the back rows at church, snogging all through the sermon. But the touching without expectations - very important. "I'm not starting something, I just wanted to give you a hug because I love you," is a really good way to make someone else feel good. We need this with our kids, too. People who live alone because they've lost a life partner often report a sort of deep loneliness coupled with "skin hunger" because in their world they could mix with a lot of people but nobody ever touches them. A sexless but affectionate touch is so very valuable to the health and wellbeing of the individual. Sex is important too, but even more important - touch. Marg [/QUOTE]
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