AWESOME date night!!!

B

bran155

Guest
Hello everyone. I hope everyone is doing well.

Well my husband and I had our in house date night last night. :couple:
We had a really good time. I did get a little more than tipsy!!! We watched two movies and laughed a lot. It was really nice to enjoy each others company. After the festivities we headed to the BEDROOM!!! YIPEEEE!!!! We did get frisky!!! It was great. I thought that I would feel uncomfortable in light of all that has been going on, but I wasn't. (that could have been the drinks lol) It was very nice. It has been about three months since we have been intimate. So it was much NEEDED!!! Now, I am going to take your advice and try like heck not to mention anything about sex. Maybe, hopefully he will initiate it next and SOON!!! I hope it won't be another three months. We'll see..........

In the meantime we are supposed to continue therapy. I spoke to my sw and told her that I was very uncomfortable with the way the last session went. I felt very unsupported!!! We actually have a very good rapor. We stayed on the phone for over two hours. I started out the conversation very angry, it got better and I feel a lot better about moving forward now. We were supposed to have another session tomorrow but husband is starting his job tomorrow. He has to go into the city to hire his sales team. He is so excited!!! He feels great, on top of the world. He's gonna be the boss and he is just in his glory. I am so happy for him!!! My sw will make special arrangements to do our session in my home after hours as my husband will now be working again. I really hope we do not have a repeat of last week!!!

Our great night carried over into today. We spent the day together. We went shopping and out to lunch. I salivated watching him eat a yummy omelet at IHOP while I ate a boring salad with low fat dressing - YUCK!!! We had good conversation though. He kept saying to me: "We are having a nice day - hu?" It was, a really nice day!!! I am hoping for many more to come. He is now going to take a nap and I am in my sister's apartment on her computer downstairs. He just opened the door and yelled down the steps, "I love you". I wish everyday could be this good!!!

I have recieved so much support from all of you. I couldn't even begin to tell you all what it has meant to me. Thank you SO MUCH!!!

Shawna :bigsmile:
 
trinityroyal

trinityroyal

Well-Known Member
Wonderful news Shawna!
So glad that you and husband had a great night. I agree with Klmno...take things slowly and be patient.

Also, be careful! (Says the girl who just found out that she's knocked up with twins ;-)

Hugs,
Trinity
 
Star*

Star*

call 911........call 911
A SALAD??????? GOOD FOR YOU......


(oh yeah that's all I got out of your post - you had a salad) :tongue:
 
gcvmom

gcvmom

Here we go again!
That's so great! Sounds like you two are on the right track for straightening things out between you and getting back to a healthier place. Very happy for you!
 
TerryJ2

TerryJ2

Well-Known Member
Shawna, that's fantastic! What a turnaround!
by the way, you don't have to wait for him to initiate, or was that part of your agreement in the therapy session? We tried a suggestion from the therapist yrs ago, where one person tries 3X on 3 diff days, and then it is the other person's turn. If the other person doesn't respond within a reasonable amt of time, it's time to TALK.
It's an interesting arrangement because my husband is really into math and I'm ... an artist. (Which # am I on? Am I supposed to be p*ssed off? I can't remember! LOL.)
 
S

susiestar

Roll With It
I am really happy for you, Shawna. It sounds like you are making progress toward beginning to heal your relationship.

Oftenw e don't realize how hard our difficult children are on the entire family, even those not on the "front line" dealing with them. difficult children can really tear a marriage apart.

Stick with the therapy. It will take a while to work through this.

I am SO GLAD you had a lovely evening (and a frisky one!) AND that things are looking up for your marriage!!

Susie
 
Fran

Fran

Former desparate mom
One step forward. Glad there is something to work with. Not many women would bounce back so quickly after such a devastating episode. Maybe there is a strong foundation and this is just a trial to make the relationship stronger.
It's good to hear the positive talk between the two of you.
 
Marguerite

Marguerite

Active Member
A strong suggestion on the topic of intimacy - you also need to have touching without expectations. What I mean by this - you need to build in cuddles which aren't expected to be taken any further. Otherwise if one or the other of you is used to cuddles ALWAYS leading to sex, and either of you is not always willing (sometimes we're too tired, or too busy) then you can quickly associate cuddles with "Oh no, here we go again." And cuddles should never be something you push away from.

husband & I cuddle a lot, and sometimes he reaches for a cuddle when I'm walking trough the room on the way to do something. I might have my hands full, or have something on my mind, maybe a mental list of things to do. But he is reminding me that we always must have a few seconds for each other. He always kisses me goodbye in the mornings, and when he gets home it's the same again. If we need to talk, sometimes we go to our bedroom and lock the door behind us. Often all we need to do is debrief from the day.

Sometimes we've had other people get a bit narky about our constant touching. We're not doing anything inappropriate, mostly just holding hands in public or one of us could have an arm around the other. But I've been told that some people see this and it makes THEM feel uncomfortable. Our view - tough. There's nothing inappropriate. At least, not in our culture. It's not as if we're in the back rows at church, snogging all through the sermon.

But the touching without expectations - very important. "I'm not starting something, I just wanted to give you a hug because I love you," is a really good way to make someone else feel good. We need this with our kids, too.

People who live alone because they've lost a life partner often report a sort of deep loneliness coupled with "skin hunger" because in their world they could mix with a lot of people but nobody ever touches them. A sexless but affectionate touch is so very valuable to the health and wellbeing of the individual. Sex is important too, but even more important - touch.

Marg
 
B

bran155

Guest
Thank you guys. You make me laugh!!! lol

Marg, you are so right about the touching without the expectation of sex. We hug and kiss all of the time. It just sort feels like I am hugging and kissing my brother, ya know? It's not really in an intimate way. I don't think he understands that intimacy isn't only having sex. I do have skin hunger, I love the way you put that. Like, if I ask him to scratch my back, it's like an addict getting a tiny fix, a tease, if you will. I miss the caressing and the cuddling. One step at a time right?

Thank you all so much for all of the support.

I will keep you updated on our progress.

Shawna :)
 
Marguerite

Marguerite

Active Member
Try this one, Star - a salad, but on a single slice of wholemeal bread, spread with low-fat cream cheese and topped with a slice of smoked salmon.

Salad plus Omega 3. But you gotta make one for the bloke in your life as well.

Marg
 

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