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Substance Abuse
Back after a few years. Three steps forward, 2 steps back,
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 681842" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Karen, welcome back to the forum, I am so sorry for your need to be back here. I'm new, just been here for six months, boy I wish I had come here earlier. What you are going through with your son is so similar to my daughters. Up all night, sleeping through the day. Ignoring tickets and bills, just not being responsible and all, right down to the moods and the "I hate myself..."</p><p> I agree it is time to put your foot down. You are smart, doing this asap, because he's got two brothers watching very closely, the shenanigans. Not to mention you are doing your son the best thing by setting your boundaries and allowing him to figure this out for himself.</p><p>Stick to this Karen. I ended up having my girls come and go through the revolving door and things just got worse. It is true, we enable, they take advantage and it is a vicious cycle.</p><p></p><p> He may, or he may not, but that is up to him. Please do not feel guilty, you have done the best you can, and he is making bad choices. I am at the other side of the pendulum, feeling guilty that <em>I hung on for too long</em>. Wished I had detached sooner. I feel I just<em> prolonged the problem. </em>This is your sons opportunity to test his wings.</p><p>I am sorry for the heart ache of this Karen, but you are right in every way. Something I had to look at too, was the fact that my 14 year old boy has been waiting in the wings all of these years we were dealing with the intensity of his sisters situations. I finally woke up and realized that my top priority in parenting is HIM. He is a minor who needs and deserves my attention.</p><p>Your son will have to learn to make it in life. Parents here will write about failure to launch. These kids will come back to us for "help" while still going off the rails, then get worse and become resentful and disrespectful. They keep pushing the envelope, breaking the rules, when really, they should be appreciative and grateful for the help. Rents are not cheap out there. My 21 year old is moving back home for a while. I do not mind helping her out, because she "gets" it. She is respectful and contributes, does not party, works hard and helps out. Her sisters would start out okay, then slowly slip back into the same old, same old. Staying up to the wee hours, going out and partying, sleeping as we all went off to work and school, and on, and on.</p><p>Not happening, so not happening.</p><p>It is unacceptable.</p><p>If they want to live this lifestyle, they will have to live it away from our home.</p><p>Their choice.</p><p>Not mine.</p><p>Thank you for posting Karen. I am sorry for your troubled heart and mind. You sound strong and have come to the hard conclusion, but it is a good one, for your family and for your son. From where I am looking at it, the earlier this is addressed and followed through on, the sooner your son learns that there are consequences for his choices. We cannot soften the blow of their consequences. Then they do not learn to choose differently.</p><p>Take care. </p><p>You are doing the right thing. </p><p><em>It doesn't feel good,</em> but it is right.</p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 681842, member: 19522"] Hi Karen, welcome back to the forum, I am so sorry for your need to be back here. I'm new, just been here for six months, boy I wish I had come here earlier. What you are going through with your son is so similar to my daughters. Up all night, sleeping through the day. Ignoring tickets and bills, just not being responsible and all, right down to the moods and the "I hate myself..." I agree it is time to put your foot down. You are smart, doing this asap, because he's got two brothers watching very closely, the shenanigans. Not to mention you are doing your son the best thing by setting your boundaries and allowing him to figure this out for himself. Stick to this Karen. I ended up having my girls come and go through the revolving door and things just got worse. It is true, we enable, they take advantage and it is a vicious cycle. He may, or he may not, but that is up to him. Please do not feel guilty, you have done the best you can, and he is making bad choices. I am at the other side of the pendulum, feeling guilty that [I]I hung on for too long[/I]. Wished I had detached sooner. I feel I just[I] prolonged the problem. [/I]This is your sons opportunity to test his wings. I am sorry for the heart ache of this Karen, but you are right in every way. Something I had to look at too, was the fact that my 14 year old boy has been waiting in the wings all of these years we were dealing with the intensity of his sisters situations. I finally woke up and realized that my top priority in parenting is HIM. He is a minor who needs and deserves my attention. Your son will have to learn to make it in life. Parents here will write about failure to launch. These kids will come back to us for "help" while still going off the rails, then get worse and become resentful and disrespectful. They keep pushing the envelope, breaking the rules, when really, they should be appreciative and grateful for the help. Rents are not cheap out there. My 21 year old is moving back home for a while. I do not mind helping her out, because she "gets" it. She is respectful and contributes, does not party, works hard and helps out. Her sisters would start out okay, then slowly slip back into the same old, same old. Staying up to the wee hours, going out and partying, sleeping as we all went off to work and school, and on, and on. Not happening, so not happening. It is unacceptable. If they want to live this lifestyle, they will have to live it away from our home. Their choice. Not mine. Thank you for posting Karen. I am sorry for your troubled heart and mind. You sound strong and have come to the hard conclusion, but it is a good one, for your family and for your son. From where I am looking at it, the earlier this is addressed and followed through on, the sooner your son learns that there are consequences for his choices. We cannot soften the blow of their consequences. Then they do not learn to choose differently. Take care. You are doing the right thing. [I]It doesn't feel good,[/I] but it is right. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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