It's probably been about three years since I visited this site! Things had really calmed down with my DS, and then about a year ago when I wanted to log in, I couldn't for the life of me, remember the name of this site! UGH! Anyway, I'm so happy to have found you all again. I still remember some of you! My DS is almost 21. We've had issues for about 5 years with marijuana, and drinking. He was in and out of inpatient adolescent psychiatric a few times, many different psychiatrists (and medications, but "none of them work"). My son is extremely smart (academically), but just can't seem to get his sh*t together, still. A year after he graduated high school, he was doing well, and actually went away to college. He's a math and physics major- not an easy path. Did well at school, though on Christmas Break, came home very drunk, sick, etc. UGH. This past summer was great- he got a great summer job, was a total participant in the household and family, was just "normal". husband and I were amazed. We actually ENJOYED having him home! But this semester (sophomore year)he seems to be slipping- never registered his car (that he just got from his grandfather when he stopped driving), despite many times being told to do so. So, accumulates about $170 worth of parking tickets. Apparently was so drunk one night that he was arrested for being underage and drinking, and was taken to the ER. Of course he has not followed up on the arrest (or "citation" as it's called), and very likely he will have to pay a fine of $500, and have a suspended license for 90 days (I know this only because I could see the public record of his charge). He's done nothing with the citation (was supposed to plead guilty and mail it back), so likely now there is a warrant out for him. Again, stupid stuff that could have been avoided had he just done what he was supposed to do! He managed to pay the parking tix to get the "boot" off of his car so that he could drive home for Spring break. I was so angry I could barely speak to him. Oh, and then he lost his debit card the day he was leaving to come home. A few nights into his spring break, on Monday night, I wake up at 3am hearing his voice in his room next door. He is always on the computer, talking/skyping, whatever, and we are constantly asking him to quiet down, and the rest of us have to get up for work/school! So I get up ready to knock on his door, and then I realize I'm hearing a girls voice as well!! I take my "secret key" (all bedroom doors have locks, but I have that little tool to unlock them), and I open his door, and he's in bed with a girl (fully clothed). I ask him if he is kidding me, and he tells me to get out and leave him along. OMG. No. I told the girl to leave (I knew her- someone he's known a few years, she's a disaster herself). I asked him if he was drunk, he swore no. Then he started freaking out, screaming at my husband and I, tons of F words "F both of you!". It was a scene. Meanwhile, my 12 year old and 17 year old are "asleep" in their rooms, hearing all of this. Finally he goes to sleep. Next day, I left work early to talk to him, and told him that he could stay the rest of this week, but this summer, he is NOT going to be living here. He will need to stay somewhere else. I will not put up with this any longer, it's been too long already. He apologized, said he was drunk, hates himself, etc. I told him I'm done, I'll support his tuition (he does well academically. I don't think he drinks often at school, but it seems that when he does, its beyond excessive), but that's it. Will not have his brothers listen to him screaming at his parents. Nor going out after we are all asleep, and bringing someone IN to MY house!!!!! So for the rest of the week, he stayed in his room mostly. Stays up all night on his computer or whatever, and sleeps most of the day. I could hardly speak to him. He got nothing done during the week- waited until this afternoon to finally get a new debit card, get his medication prescription filled, do his laundry (it never even came out of his car until today). I've tried talking to him about how his drinking is an issue, and how he has not even apologized to his father for the other night, etc. He says he can't talk about it, he's getting panic attacks, he knows he's a bad person, needs help, needs ME to help him. I said that I love him, but I can no longer help. All I am doing is enabling, and it stops now. He just went back to school. I said that I loved him and to drive safely. Now begins the guilt that I feel. He will not do anything to make a plan for the summer, and that is going to be a disaster. I just can't have him here. I love him, he's a good person, but he will not address his issues (drinking, and whatever mental health issues he has). My heart breaks. I just don't know how he will make it in life. But I need to detach. If you made it this far, thank you for reading. It makes me feel better just to write it all out.