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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 737581" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Your son is not owing his part in all of this. It's much easier for difficult adult children to blame their parents than it is to own up to their own out of control behavior. Our difficult children will also use certain statements as a manipulation tool. His feeling of thinking you chose your husband over him, as you said, is flawed but it evokes emotion in you. Your son is counting on those emotions to turn to guilt and guilt will turn to you giving into him. You can't fix it nor should you. Until your son truly owns up to his actions he will continue to blame you.</p><p></p><p>When our difficult adult children's lives are going along as they think it should, no matter how dysfunctional, they are "happy" but as soon as something shifts and goes against how they think things should go, they become outraged, defiant, belligerent, basically they have huge tantrums. </p><p>They only see that they have been "wronged" They do not understand why they can't continue to live under our roof's drinking, drugging and not working. They do not understand why we won't bail them out of jail. They do not understand why we don't just give them money or whatever it is they want. They refuse to accept responsibility for their actions.</p><p></p><p>Our difficult adult children do not understand what "tough love" is, they just see it as we don't love them at all. </p><p>If love alone could save our difficult adult children, we wouldn't need this site.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there!! Hope you get to feeling better soon. Urinary Tract Infection (UTI)'s are not fun.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 737581, member: 18516"] Your son is not owing his part in all of this. It's much easier for difficult adult children to blame their parents than it is to own up to their own out of control behavior. Our difficult children will also use certain statements as a manipulation tool. His feeling of thinking you chose your husband over him, as you said, is flawed but it evokes emotion in you. Your son is counting on those emotions to turn to guilt and guilt will turn to you giving into him. You can't fix it nor should you. Until your son truly owns up to his actions he will continue to blame you. When our difficult adult children's lives are going along as they think it should, no matter how dysfunctional, they are "happy" but as soon as something shifts and goes against how they think things should go, they become outraged, defiant, belligerent, basically they have huge tantrums. They only see that they have been "wronged" They do not understand why they can't continue to live under our roof's drinking, drugging and not working. They do not understand why we won't bail them out of jail. They do not understand why we don't just give them money or whatever it is they want. They refuse to accept responsibility for their actions. Our difficult adult children do not understand what "tough love" is, they just see it as we don't love them at all. If love alone could save our difficult adult children, we wouldn't need this site. Hang in there!! Hope you get to feeling better soon. Urinary Tract Infection (UTI)'s are not fun. [/QUOTE]
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