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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 364774" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am so sorry that your son is acting out this way. It really can be impossible to keep them in. In order to emancipate him he would have to have a steady source of income and some kind of responsible plan that the courts would agree to. It is very hard to do. You can turn him over to foster care. As dangerous as he sounds, I am sure that no one feels safe at home around him.</p><p></p><p>Has he ever had a full neuropsychologist evaluation or multidisciplinary evaluation? Are you dealing with any mental illness that you know of? Is there a family history of substance abuse (including alcoholism)? These can help you figure out what is going on. It does not sound as if he will be cooperative with therapy of any kind. Would he cooperate?</p><p></p><p>When he leaves the house with-o permission you can file runaway charges. They probably won't go looking for him, but enough of a paper trail and eventually the courts will do something. If he is using drugs you need to call the police. If he has drugs in your home you need to call the police. It is likely going to take a while and quite a paper trail but it may be a way to have him sent to rehab for help and anger management. </p><p></p><p>If he hurts anyone in the home or destroys anything in the home you NEED to file domestic violence charges. More and more these are being taken very seriously by the courts, esp when it is a son against his mother or sister(s). Physical violence or threats of violence simply must be a top priority. They cannot be allowed to happen. If your daughter sees him being allowed to abuse either you or herself it will send a message that it is OK to let someone she cares about hurt her. I know it is not what you want to teach her. </p><p></p><p>It would be a good idea to sit down with your husband and figure out a safety plan. What do you do if difficult child comes home and hits the walls? Hits you? Threatens you? Hurts his sister? One of the pets? Work out where you each go, what you each do. Write it down, ask your daughter for input, and then rehearse it when he isn't home.</p><p></p><p>Make sure that there is a phone in whatever rooms you will go to when he is violent. You may need to call 911. Figure out when that should happen and make sure it is in the plan. </p><p></p><p>have you thought about what will happen if he does not get into this program? Do you have any plans in mind if that happens? What if he gets in and then is tossed out because drug or alcohol use? </p><p></p><p>While you are not allowed to throw him out of your home you do NOT have to make home somewhere he wants to be. You can make his room have just a mattress, sheets, pillow and blanket, and a light. Everything else is optional. You can make his wardrobe be just 7 outfits that you pick or get from thrift stores. If he wants other things then he can have them elsewhere. This is a way of dealing with extreme defiance and will also help eliminate places to hide drugs, contraband, stolen items, etc.....</p><p></p><p>Many times the police will not do much, if anything, for a runaway over the age of 16. Members here have given complete addresses to the police and still not been able to get the police to pick up their child. </p><p></p><p>I do NOT suggest doing this unless there are no other options. He may be totally unwilling to let you parent him, or to follow any rules or get any help. That is often when this has to happen, esp if there are other kids in the home who are hurt by his actions and influence. </p><p></p><p>Other parents have removed everything from the room and let the teen earn things back with appropriate behavior. Sometimes difficult children are willing to work to earn stuff back, sometimes they will not.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry things are so rough.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 364774, member: 1233"] I am so sorry that your son is acting out this way. It really can be impossible to keep them in. In order to emancipate him he would have to have a steady source of income and some kind of responsible plan that the courts would agree to. It is very hard to do. You can turn him over to foster care. As dangerous as he sounds, I am sure that no one feels safe at home around him. Has he ever had a full neuropsychologist evaluation or multidisciplinary evaluation? Are you dealing with any mental illness that you know of? Is there a family history of substance abuse (including alcoholism)? These can help you figure out what is going on. It does not sound as if he will be cooperative with therapy of any kind. Would he cooperate? When he leaves the house with-o permission you can file runaway charges. They probably won't go looking for him, but enough of a paper trail and eventually the courts will do something. If he is using drugs you need to call the police. If he has drugs in your home you need to call the police. It is likely going to take a while and quite a paper trail but it may be a way to have him sent to rehab for help and anger management. If he hurts anyone in the home or destroys anything in the home you NEED to file domestic violence charges. More and more these are being taken very seriously by the courts, esp when it is a son against his mother or sister(s). Physical violence or threats of violence simply must be a top priority. They cannot be allowed to happen. If your daughter sees him being allowed to abuse either you or herself it will send a message that it is OK to let someone she cares about hurt her. I know it is not what you want to teach her. It would be a good idea to sit down with your husband and figure out a safety plan. What do you do if difficult child comes home and hits the walls? Hits you? Threatens you? Hurts his sister? One of the pets? Work out where you each go, what you each do. Write it down, ask your daughter for input, and then rehearse it when he isn't home. Make sure that there is a phone in whatever rooms you will go to when he is violent. You may need to call 911. Figure out when that should happen and make sure it is in the plan. have you thought about what will happen if he does not get into this program? Do you have any plans in mind if that happens? What if he gets in and then is tossed out because drug or alcohol use? While you are not allowed to throw him out of your home you do NOT have to make home somewhere he wants to be. You can make his room have just a mattress, sheets, pillow and blanket, and a light. Everything else is optional. You can make his wardrobe be just 7 outfits that you pick or get from thrift stores. If he wants other things then he can have them elsewhere. This is a way of dealing with extreme defiance and will also help eliminate places to hide drugs, contraband, stolen items, etc..... Many times the police will not do much, if anything, for a runaway over the age of 16. Members here have given complete addresses to the police and still not been able to get the police to pick up their child. I do NOT suggest doing this unless there are no other options. He may be totally unwilling to let you parent him, or to follow any rules or get any help. That is often when this has to happen, esp if there are other kids in the home who are hurt by his actions and influence. Other parents have removed everything from the room and let the teen earn things back with appropriate behavior. Sometimes difficult children are willing to work to earn stuff back, sometimes they will not. I am sorry things are so rough. [/QUOTE]
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