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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 754031" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>"You can contribute to her disease by giving her money." This for sure is so. To me, however, there is a difference between $500 a month, and $50 a month. To me, $50 a month will not stand in the way of hitting bottom. $500 might. $50, no, in my opinion.</p><p></p><p>Our children are more than a disease. They are our children.</p><p></p><p>There are other ways to look at addiction. The harm reduction model, for example, puts value on maintaining a connection, on the symbolic importance of support, even if it's through something material, when it can't be through direct contact.</p><p></p><p>I think there is room for a variety of responses to our wayward and destructive children. Sometimes we want to maintain some connection with them for reasons other than the self-destructive, i.e. fear, obligation and guilt. For example, because we love them; because we want to maintain a tie, however tenuous, because we want to live in hope, even though there is no earthly reason that they have given us, that our hope makes sense. Or we want to stay connected just because; so that our lives make sense to us or we want to know they are still alive. Or because our beliefs about life, and who we are, mandate our giving, even a tiny amount. (After all, we send money in response to the sad and forlorn pictures of children in poverty in foreign lands, and homeless pets. Where we know not where that money goes. We only want to feel as we have done something. Why not with our kids?)</p><p></p><p>But in the end there is no need to justify why. If you believe you are supporting addiction and that this is wrong, you have one way to understand what you choose. But you have a range of options.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 754031, member: 18958"] "You can contribute to her disease by giving her money." This for sure is so. To me, however, there is a difference between $500 a month, and $50 a month. To me, $50 a month will not stand in the way of hitting bottom. $500 might. $50, no, in my opinion. Our children are more than a disease. They are our children. There are other ways to look at addiction. The harm reduction model, for example, puts value on maintaining a connection, on the symbolic importance of support, even if it's through something material, when it can't be through direct contact. I think there is room for a variety of responses to our wayward and destructive children. Sometimes we want to maintain some connection with them for reasons other than the self-destructive, i.e. fear, obligation and guilt. For example, because we love them; because we want to maintain a tie, however tenuous, because we want to live in hope, even though there is no earthly reason that they have given us, that our hope makes sense. Or we want to stay connected just because; so that our lives make sense to us or we want to know they are still alive. Or because our beliefs about life, and who we are, mandate our giving, even a tiny amount. (After all, we send money in response to the sad and forlorn pictures of children in poverty in foreign lands, and homeless pets. Where we know not where that money goes. We only want to feel as we have done something. Why not with our kids?) But in the end there is no need to justify why. If you believe you are supporting addiction and that this is wrong, you have one way to understand what you choose. But you have a range of options. [/QUOTE]
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